In sad news, a 17-year old died on Christmas after crashing his car into a telephone pole (rest in peace, buddy). Then, at his funeral a few days later, a 37-year old family “friend” decided to steal the Gameboys others had left for the boy in his casket. Who are you to decide if Gameboys go to heaven or not?! The boy’s uncle, Robert McCombs Jr., approached Bennett after Bennett got in his vehicle and was about to drive away. He asked Bennett about a missing Game Boy. “The defendant told the uncle that he did not have the Game Boy,” according to the affidavit of probable cause. “The uncle then told the defendant that he could see the Game Boy inside the vehicle. The defendant then produced the Game Boy and returned it to the uncle.” As that video system was being returned to the casket, family members noticed that a Game Boy Light and three games were missing. Bennet, according to his aunt, is “into alcohol” and is “just messed up.” Oh yeah? Well Bennet, according to the Geekologie Writer, is “gonna burn in hell” and “spend eternity getting flaming game cartridges stuffed up his ass with a pitchfork”. Just sayin’, the devil’s gettin’ pretty excited about it. Man Allegedly Steals Game Boys from Teenager’s Casket [gawker] and Picture Thanks to ape roc and Agent, who don’t steal from the dead for fear of getting molested by ghosts in the their sleep. Smart thinking, guys.

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Have Fun Burning In Hell, You Jackass: Man Steals Gameboys From Open Casket Funeral

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to attempt stealing holy gas from a church van. Only problem is, Jesus wasn’t having it . BURN HEATHEN, BUUUUURN! Blake King, 24, was reported in stable condition Wednesday in Vanderbilt University Hospital’s Burn Center. Evansville police report King was burned as he was using a cordless drill to drill into the gas tank of a 2001 Chevrolet van on the lot of Abundant Faith Church, 1228 Lodge Ave. Something sparked, according to the police report, catching the van on fire and burning King . The fire leaves the church without one of its two vans, which was supposed to help transport youth members to St. Louis this weekend. Officers arrived and found King, who told them he was burned when he stopped at 1228 Lodge Ave. to help another man who was on fire. Firefighters and fire investigators found a cordless drill next to the van. LOLWUT — cordless drilling a gas tank?!?! Let’s say you somehow managed to not set your dumbass on fire, what were you gonna do when the gas started flowing? Catch it in your mouth and spit it into a bucket? Okay that’s actually pretty good. Police: Man caught self on fire trying to steal gas from church van [courierpress] Thanks to Dakota, who tried electric drilling a dairy truck once and ended up with nothing but a milk mustache. I’m not gonna lie, you look handsome.

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Man Attempts Gas Theft From Church Van, Sets Himself, Van Ablaze