You get down from there this instance! (Instance is the new instant btw) Cockroaches : they don’t really bother me. You live with something long enough and you just kind of get used to them. Now I’m not saying I’ve gone and named them, but I can recognize a couple by sight. Look — there goes Mel! “That…was definitely a name.” Okay so maybe I did do that. Called a leaproach, the insect only infrequently scuttles like a regular roach. The rest of the time it uses two powerful hind legs with spring-loaded knees to rocket above fields of sedge grass. About 4,000 species of cockroaches are known to science, and all but the leaproach scuttle on the ground. The new study reveals the leaproach uses its legs much like grasshoppers do, and yet - ounce for ounce - the leaproach far out-jumps locusts. While a grasshopper can jump up to 20 body lengths, a leaproach can sail forward 48 body lengths. Sure fleas still win the body-length to leap-distance contest, but they’re disgusting and I don’t want to talk about them. “These are just as bad!” No, they’re not. If you think a jumping cockroach is bad, imagine a cockroach that can burrow under your skin and eat freckles. See? Not so bad now. Hit the jump for the oh shit, we’ve got a jumper!

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Jumping Cockroach Can Leap 50x Body-Length

Seen here preventing an invisible giant’s balls from touching the floor, Honda’s ASIMO robot has undergone a series of upgrades, making him lighter, faster, and more autonomous (not to mention less likely to fall up and down stairs). Wonderful news in the middle of a site upgrade, really . LORD JUST TAKE ME NOW. Honda’s robot isn’t just smarter, it’s lighter, and as a result, faster too. Honda put Asimo on Jenny Craig and it’s now 13.2 pounds lighter and can move at 5.59 miles per hour as opposed to the 3.73 miles per hour it was getting before. The Wall Street Journal had this to say about the new Asimo: “Honda brags Asimo is capable of “responding to the movement of people and the surrounding situations…Asimo is now capable of predicting the direction a person will walk within the next few seconds based on information from pre-set space sensors and quickly determine to take an alternate path to avoid a collision with the person if the estimated locations of the person and the Asimo intersect.” There’s a video of ASIMO running around and hopping on one foot after the jump, which looks suspiciously like a child wearing a robot costume. God, we can only hope. Actually, that’s not true — we could pray too . “AND ask Santa.” What the — and risk not getting a hoverboard? You’re out of your f***ing mind! Hit the jump for a video of the are you faster than 5.59MPH?

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New And Improved ASIMO Robot Can Run, Jump

Oscar the grouch kitty was sleeping in a field when his back legs got run over by a combine harvester. That story smelling fishy as shit aside, now he has bionic legs. His new kitten heels were designed with custom-made implants, which “peg” the ankle to the foot and mimic the way deer antler bone grows through skin. In a three-hour procedure, the veterinary surgical team inserted the pegs by drilling into one of Oscar’s ankle bones in each of his back legs. The implants, which are attached to the bone at the amputation site, were coated with hydroxyapatite to encourages bone cells to grow onto the metal. Oscar was trying to stand a day after the surgery and, despite some problems with infection, he was able to bear weight equally on all four limbs within four months. Fitzpatrick said the patient had made a remarkable recovery. “Oscar can now run and jump about as cats do,” he said. Heartwarming, isn’t it? Also kind of gross. But mostly heartwarming. I swear, medicine’s sure come a long way, hasn’t it? Reminds me of the time my little sister broke her arm. We had to put her down . Video report with bionic-foot footage after the jump.

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Your Kneading Feels Different: A Bionic Kitty