Seen here looking suspiciously like it was made out of foam-board and an old computer monitor, a diamond and jewel dispensing ATM participates (possibly unwillingly — ATMs are hard to read sometimes) in a ribbon-cutting ceremony in India. Although, truthfully, they’re not actually ATMs, just jewelry vending machines . OLD IDEA IS OLD — 25 rings. The Gitanjali Group, which claims to be the world’s biggest integrated manufacturer of branded jewelry, opened the machine in a luxury shopping mall in the city Sunday and said that it already served a “substantial number of customers.” With prices ranging from 1,000 rupees ($20.17) to 30,000 rupees, customers can pay by cash or credit card for products ranging from gold coins etched with an image of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, to diamond-studded pendants in the shape of a swastika, which in India is an ancient religious symbol of unity. So I guess jewelry-dispensing ATMs ($20 to $600? That…doesn’t sound like very quality jewelry) are the new gold-dispensing ATMs . Me? I’m this year’s knowledge -dispensing ATM. Just kidding, but for a quarter I will tell you a secret. “Fine.” I don’t like olives. “That’s not a secret!” …Because I’ve eaten one that’s been between another man’s buttcheeks. College, amirite?! “Absolutely f***ing not.” Right. World’s First Diamond-Dispensing ATM Launches in India [foxnews] Thanks to Lauren, who doesn’t buy jewelry, jewelry is bought for her. Oh man, I saved up like $220 to buy a highschool girlfriend a necklace from Tiffany & Co. and then spent it on an R/C car instead and called her to break up and told her it was because I was moving out of town even though we both knew it was because her eyes were too far apart.

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Of Course: Diamond-Dispensing ATMs

Because most rich-ass people got no damn class, Robert Glpen (yeah — gulpin’ down endangered fish caviar on a yacht probably!) is selling this 1/8-scale diamond and jewel encrusted Lamborghini Aventador at auction for $4.8-million. Allegedly, the car has over $2.7-million in gems and exotic metals and Robert spent over 500 man-hours putting it all together. Which means… $4,800,000 -$2,700,000 $2,100,000 $2,100,000 500 = $4,200 Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no your time isn’t worth got-damn $4,200/hour, Robert! WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?! Hit the jump for the smarmiest-ass smile I’ve seen in a long time.

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1/8-Scale Jeweled Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K

I love the anatomical details on this sterling silver 3D printed scarab pendant, created by Shapeways user Dadrummond. It looks pretty damned cool in plastic, too. Scarab pendant

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Detailed 3D printed scarab pendant

Excuse me if I’m writing this while I puke in my shoes but I mean, c’mon, a guy can only take so much . Chick looks like she’s wearing my shower drain around her neck. The human hair necklace…is made by artist Kerry Howley who wants to “make discarded hair attractive again.” NEWS FLASH, KERRY HOWLEY: I don’t know what 17th century castle dungeon you just crawled out of but discarded hair was never attractive in the first place. “Fingernail clippings?” Go — just go. Hit the jump for three others in case this one wasn’t disgusting enough for you.

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Waaaaaay Too Pubey For Me: Hair Necklaces

I’d never heard the term “human ivory” before, and I’m gonna be honest, I’m kind of wishing I still hadn’t. In case you couldn’t tell from the picture, it’s human finger and toenail clippings . Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go puke, wash my face and get myself together again, and then puke some more. Kidding, I think this is great. I even bite off and chew my own nails sometimes. “Uh, GW — have you ever used a microscope to actually see what’s under your fingernails before?” Yes — dead penis cells. Hit the jump for a couple more examples and a link to Rachel’s (the maker’s) Etsy store.

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‘Human Ivory’ & Belly Button Lint Art/Jewelry

This is a gallery of a bunch of bling created by jeweler nOir for DC Comics . That’s the Gotham City ring there, but there’s a ton of other stuff after the jump. They’ve got all sorts of rings , bracelets and necklaces and prices range from ~$50 to several hundred depending on the piece. No, I’m not getting paid to post this. Most of it blows. See? Just kidding, it’s actually alright, particularly the Catwoman and Wonder Woman stuff. The Supergirl stuff sucks though but I’m pretty sure Shaq just bought it all anyways so no biggie. Hit the jump for 16 more pieces from the collections in this order: Batgirl, Catwoman, Supergirl and Wonder Woman. Oh, plus a bonus t-rex ring they make that it’s not too late to buy me for Christmas.

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A Gallery For The Ladies: DC Comics Jewelry

Want a wedding band created using the same ‘mokume gane’ technique as authentic samurai swords ? You’re in luck! But also out of luck because you’re getting married . There’s only one way out of this: I’m gonna have to cut your ring finger off. Ready? HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YA! *you bleeding* Perfect, looks like I got it right above the knuckle. Now let’s do the left hand. Mokume gane is…a metal working technique developed in Japan approximately three to four hundred years ago, in which two or more layers of metal are permanently joined together in alternating layers to form a stack (or billet). In the traditional Japanese technique the bond was achieved by diffusion welding of the layers in a charcoal forge. On this laminated billet patterns of the different colored alloys were created by a combination of cutting, twisting, and forging of the laminate in ways to expose the various layers. The patterned billet was then formed into finished work by applying standard forging and fabrication techniques. No word on price, but you know what they say, “If you have to ask, you’re obviously poor and security’s watching on CCTV to make sure you don’t steal anything.” Quick, pocket some throwing stars and run! James Binnion Metal Works Product Site via I’d Like My Ring Samurai Style [gizmodo] Thanks to Jake, who agrees the ring is definitely less mighty than the sword (the One Ring excluded of course).

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Just As Deadly: Samurai Sword Wedding Ring

Microsoft Game Studios Software Development Engineer Ray Arifianto’s soon-to-be wife had this custom USB wedding band made for him. Why? Because flash memory is the language of looooove. Psyche, it’s actually COBOL C++. The gold ring isn’t actually a functional USB drive, but its design is reminiscent of one. The interior is engraved with the words, “For a lifetime of memories,” an allusion to the USB’s storage capabilities. Aww! Shouldn’t it actually go on the thumb? Get it?! You know it’s a really beautiful thing when two people decide to share their lives together. Unfortunately, there’s something about me that sends all my relationships packing. BUT I THOUGHT WE SHARED SOMETHING SPECIAL! And I’m not just talking about clothes. Woman Gives USB Wedding Ring to Her Geeky Fianc [mashable] Thanks to Shenanigans, Blaqk Panda and Alex, who are all getting their significant others Firewire rings because they’re f***ing classy dudes.

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Wife Has Custom USB Wedding Ring Made For Microsoft Game Developing Husband

The Gear Ring from Kinekt has functional gears in the middle that allow the bezel to rotate . And that’s pretty much it. No lasers or anything. They’re available in US sizes 9-12 for $165, and may need to be oiled from time to time. Not unlike the Tin Man! Who, fun fact: is not a robot. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still crush his ass on my face like an empty beer can, he just isn’t a robot. No laughing, Lion, you’re next. Hit the jump for a video of the ring in action (with bonus sausage pinky at 0:17!).

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Finger Candy: Gear Ring Turns, That’s About It

How often do I ask you for anything? Almost never, right? Well now I’m asking you for something. Where can I buy and/or get the materials to make this dinosaur necklace ? Because I want one. And, even if my girlfriend doesn’t know it yet, she wants one too. I think if I could just stroke those lucky dino bones while I write, this blog would stop sucking so hard. And by sucking I mean suckling . Nipples. GEEKOLOGIE IS THE TITS. Cool Dinosaur Necklace [collthings] Thanks to Mel and Tiff, who had matching dino-bone anklets until I hid under their car and cut them off when they were unlocking the doors. I got dragged 8 blocks but it was worth it. And to Jessica, who kicked the knife out of my hand and backed over me.

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Help: Where Can I Buy This Dino Necklace?