Send a ball , that’s how. Or nothing. Honestly, I’d prefer nothing. At least you won’t piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages). Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here’s how the business started: “One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought “I can mail this”. Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote “Have BALL with your new baby”, went to the post office and mailed it.” Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement. News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.

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How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday

This is an old-ass clip from 1978 of a Star Wars themed holiday special (Wookie family at 5:00!). But, since there’s no Jesus in the Star Wars universe, they celebrate ‘Life Day’, which, at least from what I could tell, is a present -less holiday that makes children sad. Here is a segment from the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special featuring Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia singing an ode to “Life Day” - the Star Wars Universe’s answer to Christmas. Wow Leia, that was pretty awful. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be wearing a golden bikini on Life Day? Oh, hold on — The Force is talking to me. Topless, The Force says topless. The Star Wars Holiday Special - “Happy Life Day” (1978) [fuzzymemories] Thanks to b00geyman, who doesn’t so much deliver presents as hide under your bed and try to cut your Achilles tendon if you ever get up to pee.

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Happy Life Day From The Star Wars Universe

Is there anything funnier than tricking a Japanese man into a meeting and then faking the death of everybody else in the room by sniper fire? No. Unlessssss the alleged gunman then bursts in and puts his weapon to the man’s head and pulls the trigger. Seriously, you’re sick, Japan (keep the freaky Hentai coming). Youtube Thanks to Closet Nerd and Harry, whose parents don’t allow them to watch Japanese TV for fear of them becoming morally corrupt.

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Highly Questionable Japanese Sniper Prank

Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood . Because this will end well. What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy? That’s the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening. And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I’ll be damned if I become some robot’s lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward , bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair. Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience] Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn’t like).

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Don’t Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp

Somebody went and made a baby entirely out of ground beef . Which, funny story: is exactly how God made Adam. Minus the pickle eyes. He used deviled eggs, silly! Can you tell I took a religion class in college? Because I didn’t. I did take a philosophy class though — it was called Morality and Ethics. Yeah, I found out I don’t have any (I stole an exam and got expelled). The Meat Baby [thisiswhyyourefat] Thanks to Tydal and trishna87, who only eat candy babies.

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Meat Baby: A Modern Hansel And Gretel Story

I don’t even know what to say except WTF, HORF and I would totally tape that to my head like a do-rag. Available for $8 on Etsy, this reusable menstrual pad (I can’t believe I’m typing this) is perfect for the Pokmon-loving , environmentally friendly chick with unshaven pits in your life. Not bleach safe or for human consumption. Really?! THEN WHY DID I JUST EAT ONE? Wait, why did I just eat one? My stomach: pump it. The contents: gotta catch ‘em all! Pokmon Menstrual Pad, Yours for Eight Bucks [kotaku] Thanks to Aisha, I think.

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Reusable Pokmon Woman Pad Thingies

This is a video of an F-18 Hornet buzzing some guy’s head so close you can taste the jet fuel . Now I’m not saying this thing would kill you if it hit you, but it would certainly mess your hair up. Also, not to brag or nothin’, but one time I let a jet land ON MY FACE. Now who’s the man?! F-18 Hornet Ultra Low High Speed Fly By [todaysbigthing] Thanks to Matt, who once flew a prop-plane through a barn and accidentally hit a chicken.

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Balls Of Steel: F-18 Hornet Buzzes Man’s Head

Pygmy jerboas are probably the cutest things I’ve ever seen. And this is coming from a guy who raised a bunny that nursed an orphaned squirrel and three ducklings, so yeah. Youtube Thanks to taby and Andrew, who had like 1,000 pygmy jerboas and still had room for dessert.

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Awwwh, I Want A Million!: Pgymy Jerboas

These are bacon loafers by Keds. They are fully customizable by choosing different colors for the thread, elastic, midsole, etc., and will set you back $60 (I made these ones as bacon-y as possible and if you argue that I should have made the elastic red instead of pink you’re wrong, pink is the color of raw bacon and I love it). Unfortunately, it appears they’re only available in women’s sizes (because women love sizzling meat — am I right, girls?), which is a problem seeing how I’m a size 12 *wink* . Long story short, I’m sawing all my toes off. Product Site Thanks to naas, who doesn’t need to buy a woman bacon shoes to get his meat around her feet. YOW YOW!

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Fried Footwear: Mmmm, Bacon Loafers

NOTE : Probably NSFW due to lyrics. This is mashup of scenes from Heroes with the song ” Jizz in my Pants ” by the Lonely Island . Whoever made it did a damn good job. Also, there’s a different one after the jump in case this one wasn’t enough for you. But if I’m not enough for you, well, you’ve got problems. After all, I AM the world’s greatest lov…OH OH! *Zzzzzzzzz* Hit the jump for the other one. But not too fast!

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Impressive: Heroes/Lonely Island Mashup