The Snazzy Napper is a real-ass product that, despite the name, isn’t really very snazzy (Bedazzle that shit, God!). What it is is a piece of cheap fabric you velcro around your head so you can rest in peace (I’ll kill you!) while you travel. Did I mention it has a hole for your nose so you don’t suffocate in how stupid you look? Because it does. Interested but don’t want to spend your hard earned $15? No problem! Here’s what you do: close your f***ing eyes. Hit the jump for a commercial and get ready to count some Z’s!

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Nap AND Look Cool With The Snazzy Napper

Note: Video is after the jump because I don’t want you kids getting any ideas (yes, yes I do too — you should try it with the tailgate down ). This is a video of somebody’s grandpa passed out in a La-Z-Boy in the back of a speeding truck. Actually, he might be dead. But if not, he will be soon! And you know what that means: more Jello for us. Hit the jump for the video.

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What, No Safety Belt?: Grandpa Passed Out In La-Z-Boy In Back Of A Speeding Truck

You read correctly: Batman and Superman is havin’ a baby together. No word yet on the sex, but I bet it’s gonna be a bat boy! Get it? Because they did it in the butt. Batman’s made up his mind, he’s keeping Superman’s baby [io9] Thanks to silvermidnight, who wants to have Aquaman’s baby so the little tyke can put an end to these oil leak shenanigans. Ah, child labor.

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Batman Pregnant With Superman’s Baby

NOTE: Commercial for the WTF You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me Blanket is after the jump. The Better Marriage Blanket is an actual damn product , officially signaling the end of mankind. Or maybe just flatulence -related divorces! It’s basically a comforter with a layer of activated carbon sewn in so when you rip a squirty one your partner doesn’t have to smell it. Unless they’re into that sort of thing, in which case I have a blanket beyond their wildest dreams. Hit it for the I know I shouldn’t be surprised this exists but I’m still disappointed with humanity.

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It’s Anti-Toot!: The Better Marriage Blanket

Note: Video of Princess Pissypants is after the jump. Further proving the questionable reality of her initial video , Starcraft II Beta Breakup girl is back at it, this time smashing one of her ex-boyfriend’s windows with a brick and tossing a running hose in the hole. WTF, PSYCHO?! Admittedly, the ol’ running hose in a window is one of my favorite paybacks, but this girl didn’t even wait for guy to go on vacation. YOU DID IT WRONG, STUPID! Now — enough of the attention whoring, back to crying into a pillow and wishing you dated a vampire. Hit it for the video.

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FAKE: Starcraft Breakup Girl Is Back At It

Still think it’s cool being a fanboy ? You’re one of him. iDouche [cheezburger] Thanks to cookies ‘n cream and Professor XXX, both of whom sound like porn stars. One possibly disabled.

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Can’t Possibly Do It Any Wronger: iPad Fail

Send a ball , that’s how. Or nothing. Honestly, I’d prefer nothing. At least you won’t piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages). Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here’s how the business started: “One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought “I can mail this”. Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote “Have BALL with your new baby”, went to the post office and mailed it.” Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement. News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.

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How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday

This is an old-ass clip from 1978 of a Star Wars themed holiday special (Wookie family at 5:00!). But, since there’s no Jesus in the Star Wars universe, they celebrate ‘Life Day’, which, at least from what I could tell, is a present -less holiday that makes children sad. Here is a segment from the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special featuring Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia singing an ode to “Life Day” - the Star Wars Universe’s answer to Christmas. Wow Leia, that was pretty awful. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be wearing a golden bikini on Life Day? Oh, hold on — The Force is talking to me. Topless, The Force says topless. The Star Wars Holiday Special - “Happy Life Day” (1978) [fuzzymemories] Thanks to b00geyman, who doesn’t so much deliver presents as hide under your bed and try to cut your Achilles tendon if you ever get up to pee.

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Happy Life Day From The Star Wars Universe

Is there anything funnier than tricking a Japanese man into a meeting and then faking the death of everybody else in the room by sniper fire? No. Unlessssss the alleged gunman then bursts in and puts his weapon to the man’s head and pulls the trigger. Seriously, you’re sick, Japan (keep the freaky Hentai coming). Youtube Thanks to Closet Nerd and Harry, whose parents don’t allow them to watch Japanese TV for fear of them becoming morally corrupt.

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Highly Questionable Japanese Sniper Prank

Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood . Because this will end well. What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy? That’s the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening. And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I’ll be damned if I become some robot’s lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward , bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair. Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience] Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn’t like).

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Don’t Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp