In a move that should come as no surprise to anyone except the very, very old who still can’t believe electric car windows exist, Amazon announced its color-screen Kindle today, the $200 Fi-ya (technically ‘Fire’, but I like to say it like that). People are speculating how much it’s going to affect iPad sales EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE SPECULATING WHERE THEIR NEXT MEAL IS COMING FROM. Priorities, folks, that’s the really lesson here. Haha, I’m teaching — I’m actually doing it! *soaks pants in front of class* FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Product highlights: 7″ multi-touch display with IPS (in-plane switching) technology and anti-reflective treatment, 1024 x 600 pixel resolution at 169 ppi, 16 million colors. Dual-core processor running Android Own Amazon Silk web browser, Flash support 14.6 ounces (9/10-lb) 8GB internal storage. Enough for 80 apps, plus either 10 movies or 800 songs or 6,000 books. Free cloud storage for all Amazon content Up to 8 hours battery life of continuous reading or 7.5 hours of video playback Wi-Fi only I’ve never actually owned a Kindle. I like book-books. Something about the smell and being able to wipe boogers between the pages. Amazon is also releasing a new and improved 6″ ‘vanilla’ Kindle for $79, and two 7″ touchscreen versions for $99 and $150 (3G). What they are NOT releasing is the collection of nudie photos I took of myself and tried to sell in their app store for a million dollars. YOU DIRTY COMMIE CENSORS! Amazon Product Site Thanks to everyone who sent this for thinking I must live under a rock or something. BURN! No but seriously, keep those tips coming.

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Amazon Officially Announces Color Kindle

Samsung is being sued by Apple for patent infringements related to the iPad, claiming Samsung’s Galaxy is near-identical (in form) ripoff . Samsung’s defense? You shouldn’t have even been granted a patent for the design in the first place because Stanley Kubrick came up with that shit in 1968 for ‘ 2001: A Space Odyssey ‘ . Hey, you never know (except this time. This time I know Samsung shouldn’t have gone with the first legal team in the phonebook). “In a clip from that film lasting about one minute, two astronauts are eating and at the same time using personal tablet computers,” the lawyer wrote, adding a Web link for watching the film on YouTube. As with the design claimed by Apple’s patent, “the tablet disclosed in the clip has an overall rectangular shape with a dominant display screen, narrow borders, a predominately flat front surface, a flat back surface (which is evident because the tablets are lying flat on the table’s surface), and a thin form factor.” An Apple spokeswoman didn’t directly address the Samsung contentions, but reiterated its arguments behind the litigation. “It’s no coincidence that Samsung’s latest products look a lot like the iPhone and iPad,” she said in prepared remarks. “From the shape of the hardware to the user interface and even the packaging, this kind of blatant copying is wrong, and we need to protect our intellectual property when companies steal our ideas.” Well? Are there any patent lawyers in the audience? Also, let’s say I hypothetically recently got arrested for public intoxication. What are my chances of getting off with a ‘giant rolling boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark ‘ defense? “Solid.” F*** yeah, that’s what I thought too! *calls to fire lawyer* Samsung Cites Sci-Fi Classic in Attacking Apple Patent [wallstreetjournal] Thanks to chichi, who can blow into a court room and Erin Brockovich the shit out of everything in sight. *swoon* If love’s illegal then lock me up and throw away the key!

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Samsung Uses ‘They Existed In 2001: A Space Odyssey’ Defense In iPad Patent Infringement Case, Will Not Be Super Effective

Where was I in ‘72? Not even born yet, let alone staring at a bunch of jungle bush! Playboy has just announced the roll-out (like Transformers! NOT like fruit snacks — those roll up . Plus some gush!) of iPlayboy, a subscription service optimized for iPad viewing that grants a user access to every issue of Playboy ever published in its 57-year history (over 130,000 pages!). I imagine it was designed for those of you who keep an iPad on the back of your toilet. A subscription will set you back $8/month $60/year or $100/two years and is the perfect gift for your iPad owning father. However it is NOT the perfect gift for your iPad owning niece (sorry Kaitlyn — that was my bad). Official Site

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Reading Is Fundamental: iPads, Now With More Playboy (Read: Every Issue EVAR)

Somebody needs to tell that elf airplane glue glows under blacklight. Seen here performing a medley of Christmas classics , the North Point Community Church iBand used nothing but borrowed iPads and iPhones to play what is sure to be remembered as a Santa-slaying setlist this year. The songs actually sound pretty good, but it’s near impossible to get past the “band” members bobbing their heads and dancing around like they’re doing something cool and not just fingering an iPad to make a bell ring. That said, church-band groupies: do they exist? Reaaally? *dusting off hymnal* Hit the jump for 7:00 of “Carol of the Bells”, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Feliz Navidad”.

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Tis Never The Season: Church Band Plays Christmas Classics Entirely On iPads/iPhones

Note: This is only a small, unreadable portion of the infographic, click HERE to see the whole thing in stunning 3-D. Fine, FINE — 2-D . This is an infographic all about Apple . I thought it was pretty interesting. And by pretty interesting I mean I would have been just as excited if it were about the fruit. Mmmm, love those things with a little peanut butter . Pears too! Anyway, I didn’t even have to look at the financials (and I probably never will) to know I want a piece of that. A piece of that pie . That Apple pie. See what I did there? “Shamed yourself?” Exactly. Apple By Numbers [techi] Thanks to Brettmucker, who knows four apples a day will not only keep the doctor away, they’ll help attract horses.

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Give It To Me Straight, How Many To Keep The Doctor Away?: Apple By The Numbers

These are pictures from some couple’s wedding . Whose? Katie and Aaron’s. What’s so special about Katie and Aaron? Their wedding ceremony (link NSFW ) was officiated entirely by iPad . Why? I dunno, maybe they don’t care if it lasts or not. NOW STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. Katie and Aaron got married in the beautiful outdoor setting in Oceanside and can we take a break from the iPad porn and just talk about how AMAZING Katie’s outfit is. She made all of that herself. Geez, what are you, EpisciPadians? Get it?! Like Episcopalians, except you worship Steve Jobs. Don’t eat the Apple, Katie, he’ll kick us out of the garden! Also, don’t ever venture past the tomatoes, I’m growing holy weed back there. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures from the ceremony, including a MacBook, iPad and iPhone trifecta.

Link:
When Fanboy/Fangirl Unite: An iPad Wedding

ROFLROFLOL! I see what you did there. Of course, it would have been funnier if Wonder Woman was the one missing. Get it? Because she’s a woman. And women , as you may well know, are notoriously poor drivers but will sometimes flash their hooters if you honk your horn enough. OH I’M SORRY — IS MY HUMOR TOO DEEP FOR YOU? Boner boner boner! No Flash Support on iPhone and iPad: Best Example! [walyou]

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A Visual Representation Of Apple’s No Flash Support Policy On The iPhone And iPad

Still think it’s cool being a fanboy ? You’re one of him. iDouche [cheezburger] Thanks to cookies ‘n cream and Professor XXX, both of whom sound like porn stars. One possibly disabled.

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Can’t Possibly Do It Any Wronger: iPad Fail