While nowhere near as impressive as some of the fan-made ones we’ve seen , this officially licensed full-scale Portal gun replica is now available for preorder from Hobby Search for around $170. It lights up orange and blue but is otherwise ENTIRELY NON-FUNCTIONAL. What a ripoff. Per terribly translated product description: Beautiful woven ? ? curve, the mobile device space of a dream - Puzzle action game masterpiece of VALVE, [PORTAL]! There is no guy does not start, “Cancer incidence portal” is “Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device” thing, Prop rainy day Appearance is made to the replica! - Intact during the game, the mobile device space of a dream that brings together the technology’s science aperture Fully reproduced. Light blue and orange is equipped with the gimmick of course. Can enjoy the beautiful design of unique products VALVE, fan is a must-see item. THE CAKE IS A LIE! Granted for $170 I don’t expect a fully operational Portal gun, but I do expect something that can at least create SOME size of Portal. Even something big enough to throw action figures through would be cool. You know, take playtime to a whole new level. Hit the jump for the gun glowing blue and a link to the product page.

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Official Portal Gun Replicas Available For Preorder

Ever wanted to smell like a sweaty robotic suit ? No? What about a melting pot ? A giant green ogre? Ozone? Me neither. But that isn’t stopping JADS (think nads but with a j) International (of Star Trek cologne fame ) from developing a line of Avengers colognes based on Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk and Thor. They’re just the thing you need to smell nothing like you’re favorite superhero. Get it? Because Batman is everybody’s favorite. “Nope — Doctor Strange all the way!” Ha, of COURSE he is. You are so f***ing weird. Hit the jump for the highly questionable descriptions of each scent.

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Scent Of A Superhero: Avenger Character Colognes

The female g-spot: much like a fountain of youth or an all-you-can-eat buffet where the other patrons aren’t so fat that you’re too disgusted to eat, men have spent centuries trying to find one. And now penis doctor urologist Amichai Kilchevsky adds his two cents to the growing amount of skepticism about a mythical come-button. Based on a review of 96 published studies, an Israeli and American research team came to one conclusion. “Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist,” said Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut, and lead author of the review, published Jan. 12 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Kilchevsky conceded the work is not “1,000 percent conclusive,” allowing that other scientists could one day find something his team missed. But they would need new technology to do it, he said. AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! Sorry Amichai, but anybody calling themselves a doctor who uses phrases like “1,000 percent conclusive” can’t be trusted. Sucks too because I was really hoping there wasn’t a g-spot. Oh well, looks like it’s back to studying the vagina map my friend drew for me in middle school! Now if my calculations are correct, then this X should mark the spot. “Your maps upside down.” So…. “So that would be her b-hole.” B -hole, G -spot — I think I’m getting warmer! G-Spot Does Not Exist, ‘Without A Doubt,’ Say Researchers [huffingtonpost] Thanks to PYY, who doesn’t care if there’s a g-spot or not just so long as she can… you know — O_O

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"Experts": ‘Without A Doubt’ There Is No G-Spot

Seen here looking suspiciously like dog food nuggets held together with blood (my favorite!), several of the video game themed offerings from Cap-Bar, Capcom’s soon-to-open bar in Shinjuku, Tokyo, have been revealed. The bar will feature new game demo kiosks, merchandise for sale, and booze. Some other dishes on the menu? Hold on to your palate!: - Ace Attorney pasta and rice - Monster Hunter allaculte and meat - Devil Kings salad and soup AHAHAHHAHAHAHHA! None of those have ANYTHING to do with video games except for the title. It’s like me trying to sell Geekologie sandwiches. “What about it makes it so Geekologie?” Oh you know, just the name… “Mmmm, this actually really good!” …plus I made it after going to the bathroom and not washing my hands. Just kidding! *continue eating* I did spit in it though. Hit the jump for questionable shots of the other three (although the meat does remind me of the bait you have to give the hungry Goriya in the Legend of Zelda for him to let you pass).

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Capcom Opens Capcom Themed Bar/Restaurant

Halt citizen — you do not want pictures of her. That is a man in a pink wig. Because conventions are expensive enough to attend, sometimes you don’t have any money left over for a costume . Aaaaaaaaand this is what happens — you wind up wearing your PJ’s and some yellow ribbon. Listen — when packing tape is the most expensive part of your costume it is time to reevaluate your life as a cosplayer. Kidding, this guy probably wound up going home with catwoman. “The girl wearing a trashbag with two spoons taped to her head?” Yep — they’re gonna have babies together! “You mean kittens?” Iron kitties. The Best Piece of Crap Iron Man Cosplay Suit Ever Created [obviouswinner] Thanks to bb and Terry, who’ve both been cosplaying as my friends. Wait — you guys aren’t for real?!

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Iron Man Cosplay On A Budget. Like A $0 Budget

I remember living in an apartment a few years back where they wouldn’t let you put a satellite dish on your balcony because they thought they looked bad. Now? Now I live in such a shithole you can pretty much do whatever you want including discharge firearms inside at all hours of the night. You drug dealers in 308 know what I’m talking about — high-five! I was actually hoping you could spot me some weed. This is a satellite dish disguised as a patio chair so you don’t get in trouble with your landlord/homeowner’s association just because Time Warner Cable sucks so f***ing hard. Landlord : I couldn’t help but notice there’s a chair on your roof. Me : Yeah? Landlord : What’s it doing up there? Me : I had a kegger, somebody must’ve thrown it up there. Landlord : And…? Me : And I’m not climbing up to get it! Landlord : It looks nailed down. I’m going to have to charge you to call somebody and retrieve it. Me : TOUCH THAT PHONE AND DIE, SLUMLORD! Product Site (only available in Europe) via Satellite Chair lets you tune into your favorite TV shows [ubergizmo] Thanks to Ekko, who was just happy to hear it can actually be used as a regular chair. Hell yes satellite signals blasting through every part of your body! That’s how superpowers happen.

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Suck It, Homeowner’s Association!: Satellite Dish Disguised As A Patio Chair

This is the Zombie Bottle, a zombie apocalypse survival kit in a shotgun bottle . The kit contains a 6″ braining spike, ear plugs (because why would you want to hear them coming?), a wound cleansing kit, two band-aids, a chocolate candy and a now-broken bottle. $15 gets you two kits, effectively doubling your chances of survival to almost 5%. Official Product Site Thanks to Chris, whose zombie apocalypse survival plan consists entirely of tying other peoples’ shoe laces together.

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You’re Gonna Die: Zombie Survival Kit In A Bottle

‘Find His P0rn’ is a website you can visit on your boyfriend/husband/roommate/son’s computer that will, wait for it — FIND HIS P0RN . That way you can confront him about whatever disturbing fetish videos you found and have the awkwardest conversation of your sure-to-be-short-lived relationship. I can see it now: Girlfriend : I found your p0rn stash, Michael! You must really like cheerleaders, huh? Boyfriend : You were snooping around on my computer? Girlfriend : No, I paid $20 for an app to do it for me! Boyfriend : I hope you get a lifetime subscription, because we’re through. Girlfriend : That’s not what this is about! Boyfriend : *downloading Chesty Cheerleader Tryouts 4* Official Site Thanks to Carrie, who claims her man doesn’t have time to watch p0rn because she’s a nympho. Literally — she said that!

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We’re Breaking Up: ‘Find His P0rn’, A P0rn Finding App

Your mannequin: he needs an ass and a belt. This is a backpack with two integrated 4-quart beverage containers and really long straws. The mannequin in the picture? He filled his with tea. I’m gonna fill mine with milk and cookies . No, no I’m not. I’m gonna fill one side with bourbon and the other WITH BLOOD. It’s the secret to my power. “What power?” The power of intimidation. You know how many people will still wanna fight after watching a man drink blood? Only the ones you should run away from. Amazon Product Site via Dual Drink Backpack [thisiswhyimbroke] Thanks to Tigi Turnbot, who just tied a piece of rope to the handles of two milk jugs and slung them over his shoulders. Thrifty, I like it.

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Oh Yeah, Real Incognito: The Dual Booze Backpack

Wait — IT’S 2011?! Thanks bionic contact! Because the University of Washington obviously doesn’t take threats written on bar napkins and addressed to “you Terminator loving pencil-peens” seriously, they’ve decided to proceed with their bionic contact experiments and have successfully applied contact lenses to rabbits that can display one “pixel” worth of information. So basically just a blinking light. But rabbits don’t even know Morse code! In the future, contact lens systems may receive data from external platforms (e.g. mobile phones) and provide real-time notification of important events. As contact lens based biosensors advance, they may alert the wearer of physiological anomalies, such as irregular glucose or lactate levels. With more colors and increased resolution, contact lenses may display text, be used with gaming devices, or offer cues from navigation systems. Our long-term goal is to create a display that can be comfortably worn in the form of a contact lens, which will include a pixel array, focusing optics, an antenna, and circuitry for power harvesting, radio communication, and pixel control. Sure they could do all that, but all they’ll really do is make it even easier for kids to cheat on tests. And — AND — allow hackers to take control of your eyeballs . I can see it now: “p@y M3 $1-Milli0n 0r i’LL bUrn Y0ur F***Ing 3y38@ll5 0U7 0F Y0ur h3@D.” Literally, I SEE that now. Nice try, haxor, but I don’t even have a million dollars! *eyeballs sizzling* EEEEEEEEEEEE!! *running into bank with a grocery bag over my head* In the future, you might read e-mail on digitally enhanced contact lenses [cnn] Thanks to Thaylor and chris, who actually think this is a great idea and regret getting LASIK.

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Contacts That Beam Info Directly Into Your Eyeball