In far less depressing (non- squid ) animal news, a 12-year old African spur-thighed tortoise NAMED GAMERA ( ? Gamera is really neat, Gamera is filled with meat ? ) had to have its front left leg amputated after a severe burn and tissue damage. So what did the vets do? What any Transformers fan would — epoxied a swivel wheel from somebody’s desk chair on him. BU-BWAM! — Gamera rolled out of surgery with a new lease on life. Oh man, just think if he’d had a set of wheels when he was racing that cocky hare (NOT assy fur). He…probably would’ve flown off the course and crashed into a tree or something. Hit the jump for one more shot and a video of Gamera bein’ all “I don’t if I got a wheel for a leg, I’m here for the grass.”

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Turtle’s Leg Replaced With Desk Chair Wheel

Some jerk went and drilled holes through the shells of his pet turtles so that he could attach wire handles to them and pick them up easier. But turtles don’t even like being coddled! Master Splinter, yes. “They do have nerves in their shells, so it would have been painful for them when they were drilled,” says Hopcraft. Hopcraft says the tortoise appears to be underweight and is unable to walk without dragging its shell on the ground, while the turtle’s claws and beak are overgrown. Marcie Moriarty, an investigator with the B.C. SPCA, called it “accessorizing to the extreme.” “Clearly, this shows a person who has no respect for animals and no knowledge on how to care for them,” Moriarty says. The SPCA has launched a full investigation, which will also look into other animals the Delta man owns, before recommending animal cruelty charges to Crown counsel. Throw the book at him! Or, better yet: a giant f***ing rock . Actually, don’t even throw it, just push it off a cliff. “And smash him like Piggy?” DAMN YEAH AND SMASH HIM LIKE PIGGY! Lord of the Flies ? Pfft — LORD OF THE TURTLES! Now quick Leonardo, put your back into it — here he comes . Hit the jump for two more shots of the sadness.

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Jonathan The Zombie Would Be Piiiiiissed: Guy Attaches Wire Handles To Pet Turtles

Somebody with a lot of imagination is selling a green pepper that looks like a ninja turtle head on eBay. Personally, I think it looks like a hacky-sack . This is a home grown green bell pepper that, by the hand of God, looks (and maybe tastes) just like one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I think it looks like Michelangelo, this will of course be shipped overnight USPS, bid now its only a three day auction. It sits right now in a vacuum sealed bag, can be frozen if you like. First of all, I think it’s pretty obvious that’s Raphael and not Michelangelo. And secondly, what’s all this “can be frozen” business? Are you out of your mind? YOU CAN’T PUT A TURTLE IN THE FREEZER! They’re cold blooded. Get it?! Because they always reject my advances! eBay Auction Thanks to OneEyedJamie, who lost an eye battling cucumber Shredder.

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DO WANT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Pepper

BP recently admitted to Photoshopping a picture of their Houston-based oil spill command center to make it seem like the workers there don’t just play Minesweeper and make dead sea turtle jokes all day. Little did they know. You can’t fool the American public. ROFLOL! BP acknowledges it posted on its website an altered photo that exaggerates the activity at its Gulf oil spill command center in Houston. The picture posted over the weekend showed workers monitoring a bank of 10 giant video screens displaying underwater images. Spokesman Scott Dean says Tuesday that two screens were blank in the original picture and a staff photographer used Photoshop software to add images. He says the photographer was showing off his Photoshop skills and there was no ill intent. Damn, Mr. Photoshop! Copying an image from one monitor and pasting it on another? NOW YOU’RE JUST SHOWBOATING. Has Adobe approached you about teaching classes yet? No? Shocking . Kidding, it’s because you blow. BP’s altered photo distorts spill center activity [comcast] and BP moving into Photoshopping? [jcjanderson] Thanks to Lord Tarl and Jim, who Photoshopped a picture of themselves cutting BP’s peener off with a pair of lobster claws. I’ll admit, it’s erotic in a BSDM sorta way.

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BP Photoshops Picture To Make Oil Spill Command Center Look More Command-y

This is a picture depicting the Ninja Turtles as imagined by various famous artists . It’s pretty cute . That’s right, cute . I can call things cute because I’m secure enough in my masculinity to do that. Also, tape my penis between my buttcheeks and wear women’s underwear. It’s Pizza Time, Picasso! [poppedculture] Thanks to Thomas and canine-o’clock, who argue that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are , in fact, heroes in whole shells.

Originally posted here:
Ninja Turtles In The Styles Of Famous Artists