Honey, I’m sorry, but I don’t even feel comfortable making love with those bottoms in the same room as me . Created by Pale Horse Design and sold by Iron Fist Clothing each matched bikini set ($30) is sure to shrink any man’s turtle at the beach even smaller than it already is (the water’s cold, God!). Because if I know women (and I know women), there’s one thing they’re looking for when swimsuit shopping : A BIKINI THAT’LL MAKE THEIR PRIVATES LOOK LIKE A F***ING MONSTER. *develops body-image issue* Product Site via Monster Bikinis of the Day [geeks.thedailwh.at] Thanks to Claire, who agrees topless is the new bikini.

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Yikes: Monster Bikinis With Toothy Bottoms

Period Panties are $12 colored skivvies for ladies to wear while they’re on their monthly emotion-fest so they don’t ruin a pair of frilly lace ones. Or something. Honestly, I don’t know anything about women and only learned last week vaginas aren’t oriented sideways like I always imagined. So yeah, I’m probably the wrong person to ask for stuff like this. For directions, sure, but I am going to send you into the worst part of town I can think of. Which, fun fact: is my neighborhood. Then I’ll follow you on my bike and beat you up and steal your hubcaps. I’MMA SELL ‘EM FOR CRACK! Hit the jump for the two other designs and a link to the product site.

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You Don’t Even Want To Know: Period Panties

That’s not actually a griffin. I think it’s a cat ass with chicken legs and an eagle’s head . Still, it does look like one though. And if anybody came over for dinner you could probably convince them it’s one. Oooooooor threaten to poison their drink and lock them in the basement, depending on your approach to dinner parties. Me? I usually pass out drunk before the guests arrive and never hear the doorbell. The fire alarm when the stove catches fire, yes. Sarina Brewer is a taxidermist that specializes in stuffed mythical and otherwise freaky beasts. For example, hit the jump for a shot of ‘Frankenpussy’, a cat dressed up like Frankenstein with an eye-patch, peg-leg and smoking a cigar. Wow, that ninth life’s a doozie! Ha, and Fluffy was worried about dying in vain. Hit the jump for Frankenstein cat and a link to Sarina’s website that made me a little too uneasy to surf around looking for more pictures.

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Stuffed Griffins? Mummified Cat Paw Earrings? We’ve Got Those: Custom Creature Taxidermy

Is there anything sexier than a grandma strip-dancin’ ? Yes, every single thing in the world including being compacted to death in the back of a garbage truck. But for the six of you out there that are into crimes against nature , there’s the $115 Cushion-Grip Security Pole Mobility Aid. How about a review? The user needs this device to assist in getting in and out of bed safely. It has a nice cushion grip, is attractive, and easy to install. It is not as sturdy as I would have hoped it would be. It wiggles a bit in the middle and that makes me a bit nervous. But I like a little wiggle in the middle! No, no I don’t either. I like zero wiggles. Still, you’ve got to admit the thought of a grandma seductively gyrating her sloopy ass off the shitter does get you hot and bothered. No? Just cold and throwy uppy? Oh. Product Site Thanks to Eric-tile, who may or may not volunteer at a nursing home.

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Sexy Time!: Stripper Poles For The Elderly

Wow, they’re not even trying to make them look cute anymore. The Japanese born ROBOTOPS is a construction robot whose name is spelled in all caps because IT MEANS BUSINESS. The killing business. The four-legged, two-armed robot is actually a kind of automated mobile crane with 29 functioning joints for picking off humans, and of course the occasional piece of construction material. Using a high quality three-chip CCD camera, the robot can be operated remotely for particularly dangerous jobs. And no, I didn’t alter that quote at all. Finally, people are starting to get the picture. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that sees a problem here. Seriously, Japan — you know I love you (manga, sushi, worn panty vending machines), but this shit has got to stop. Because if not, well, Godzilla . Just sayin’, we share a special bond (read: intercourse). Japanese construction firm unleashes insectoid robot crane on humanity [dvice] Thanks to cougar78, Aaron and John, who know the only good robots are the little guys from Batteries Not Included . Am I right? No, that was a test and you all failed.

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No, No, No: Japanese Killer Construction Bot

Runpee.com is a website database of movies currently in the theater with notations that let you know when it’s a good time to run to the bathroom . As you can see, this is the runpee chart for Terminator Salvation , which features several opportunities to drain your dragon. Of course, some would argue any time is good because the movie sucked. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen it BECAUSE I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE SLEEPING ALREADY. Also, I don’t like leaving my seat during a movie, so you know what I do? I use a catheter . Except I definitely don’t because I would pass out from the thought before I even had my pants down. Which is why the last movie I saw in the theater was Cars . Not even kidding. Runpee Thanks to Randi, who just asks for an empty cup from the concession stand.

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Runpee: It Is Now Safe To Leave The Theater