Note: WTF video after the jump. Seen here pounding out a drum solo on some lady’s bongos chest (please, a little maturity), Khunying Tobnom practices the (not so) ancient art of breast enlargement by slapping. What the — is anybody really buying this?! I heard the secret was getting motorboated by a slovenly blogger. Khunying has been performing this non-surgical technique for more than 20 years, and her claim is that the slapping shifts body fat from one area to another and the kneading works excess fat towards the breasts. [But what if you knead too much into one and not enough into the other?!] In 2003, breast slapping was officially approved as a natural alternative to plastic surgery. At least for now, this one beautician is the only person in the world who knows the secrets of breast, face and buttock slapping, which she inherited from her grandmother. One day when she a teenager, her grandmother saw her applying some miracle cream to her breasts in hopes that they would grow. She told her to stop wasting her time and money and rub them till it hurt. [WTF?!] She allowed her grandmother to slap her breasts a few times and douse them with ice-water, which resulted in a growth by 4 inches. Eventually, she mastered the techniques on her own. Not gonna lie, one time I got punched in the forehead and it swelled up too. I know, weird how that works. But then it turned purple-greenish-brown. Not how I like my taytays. Wait, let me rephrase that — not how I like women’s taytays. Mine? I’m kinky as f***, I’ve even tie-dyed these puppies before. Hit the jump for a video of Khunying in action and, inevitably, a bunch of dudes in the comments offering their services for free.

Read more:
Super Iffy Thai Breast-Slapping Enlargement

Mmmm, boogers a la baby doodoo — my favorite! Printable food : because who wants a human being touching meals with those grubby-ass fingernails of theirs when it can be squirted out a nozzle in paste form? Mmm, paste. Enter Cornell’s Creative Machines Lab, which is apparently on the leading edge of printable food technology because, remember: being the only one doing something automatically makes you the best at it . “And worst.” Dammit Debbie Downer, I was trying to sound inspirational! The CCML food printers require edible inks and electronic blueprints called FabApps. This machine prints food using multiple cartridges, going line by line until the desired shape is extruded. “The electronic blueprint specifies exactly which materials go where–it is essentially a blueprint of the food item,” says Hod Lipson, the head of the lab. With most 3-D food printing concepts today, the inks are the foods themselves in fluid form–think molten chocolate, cheese, or cookie dough. Foods that can’t be readily extruded from a syringe such as meats and vegetables are ground and mixed with other liquids to create novel food-inks. Essential Dynamics, a tech startup in New York, plans to bring out a commercial version of the 3-D food printer that will retail for $1,000 initially. Its founder Jamil Yosefzai believes that the desire to customize foods will make 3-D food printers an essential part of everyone’s kitchen in due course. Call me crazy, but…”YOU’RE F***ING NUTS, BRO!” Okay from everybody else’s continued silence I’m gonna assume you realize that was actually meant to be a rhetorical ‘call me crazy’ and you feel stupid for yelling now. “I’M NOT STUPID YOU’RE STUPID, I’LL CUT YOUR ASS!” Ugh, my point was this Ragey McFlyoffthehandle: I’d rather take my chances with a chef not washing his hands than have my meals extruded out of a Play-Doh Fun Factory. Know what I’m sayin’? I’m saying I’ve already eaten enough Play-Doh for six lifetimes. Ramen by HP? The Wild Possibilities Of Printing Food [fastcompany] via Printable food is coming [dvice] Thanks to my buddy Clark, who’s never printed food before but did write, “KEEP GOBBLING THOSE WIENERS!” on my birthday cake in icing one year.

Originally posted here:
Mmmm, Printer Jam: 3-D Printable Food Closer To Reality, My Gaping Face-Hole

China is considering temporarily capturing an asteroid in earth’s orbit and then mining it for all it’s valuable metals. Me? I say we invent hoverboards first, THEN start mining asteroids. That way, when the asteroid does wind up destroying earth , we can at least all die happy. …seem fairly optimistic that they could tweak the orbit of a near-Earth asteroid by just enough (a change in velocity of only about 1,300 feet-per-second or so) to get it to temporarily enter Earth orbit at about twice the distance as the Moon. The orbit would be unstable, and eventually (after a few years) the asteroid would head back out into space from whence it came, but it would stick there long enough for us to poke around on it. While the Chinese are likely going to start small (the prime candidate right now is a 30-foot-wide rock), they’re thinking bigger. Much bigger. Like, over a mile bigger, since a metallic asteroid that size would be worth an absolutely staggering amount of money. Now, were something to get screwed up and that mile-wide metallic asteroid hit Earth instead, we’d be looking at something like a 24-mile-wide crater and a fireball so large that trees 200 miles away would spontaneously burst into flames… There’s speculation that mining an asteroid a mile-wide could be worth something to the tune of 25-trillion dollars. That’s a 25 followed by like *Wikipedia’s ‘trillion’, gets confused* a LOT of 0’s afterward. And you know what else has a lot of zeros following them? The Kardashians on Twitter. DAMMIT TWEENS. Chinese want to capture an asteroid into Earth’s orbit [dvice] Thanks to Pescada, who’s played Asteroids at the arcade before and can tell you it’s not as easy as it looks.

Go here to read the rest:
China: Let’s Trap An Asteroid In Earth’s Orbit And Mine It. GW: Don’t And Say We Did?

I bet it’s a portal to Atlantis! Is this the sonar image of a crasehd 60-foot UFO , 285-feet deep at the bottom of the Botnia Gulf? HELL NO IT’S NOT, DUMMY. And take that foil hat off, you look ridiculous. Swedish sea treasure hunters have found something extraordinary: A 60-foot disc sunk in the bottom of the ocean, with what appears to be 985-foot-long impact tracks leading to it. You see a lot of weird stuff in this job but during my 18 years as a professional I have never seen anything like this. The shape is completely round… a circle. Those are the words of Peter Lindberg, commander of the Ocean Explorer. He and his team found the strange disc on June 19 2011, at 285 feet below the surface of the Botnia Gulf, which is located somewhere between Finland and Sweden in the Baltic. Well shit, somebody needs to dive their ass down there and put this mystery to rest! Wait a minute…isn’t this how Michael Crichton’s ‘Sphere’ started? Oh shi-shi, now I’m thinking about ‘Jurassic Park’ again! *taking off pants* Hit the jump for a video about the finding.

Read this article:
They Came From Below: Possible UFO Found At The Bottom Of Sea

According to a recent study, Facebook is visited more often than pr0n sites in the UK, indicating either 1. people are actually getting sexed in real life (unlikely) or 2. masturbate using only their imaginations. Haha, who hasn’t convinced themselves a cloud looks like a naked lady, amirite? The internet research company says that in January sites like Facebook accounted for 12.46% of all online traffic. That’s the equivalent of 2.4 billion hits or one eighth of all web visits. In comparison entertainment websites, including pornographic ones, accounted for 12.18% of traffic. It’s the first time social networking has overtaken entertainment in terms of popularity. Of those, social network site Facebook accounted for more than half, or 56%, of visits. Whoa whoa whoa — but Geekologie is an entertainment website! You can’t just go lumping it into a category filled with smut. “Why, because it’s worse than smut?” What the — I am insulted! “Really?” No, not at all. But sometimes I do like to pretend I’m a classy lady. *drinking with pinkie-finger raised* Oh butler — be a doll and fetch my pearls and Summer’s Eve vajay-spray, will you? Facebook more popular than porn for UK users [bbcnews] and Geekologie on Facebook (why not?) Thanks to TK 745, who’s convinced he saw a steamy lesbian scene in a bonfire once. Damn! What kind of firewood did you use?

See more here:
Facebook More Popular Than Pr0n In The UK

Note: Jump is NSFW on account of fake-ass wieners. Seen here looking suspiciously like they Photoshopped some uglier a-hole’s face on my body, a model models a pair of wiener-enhancin’ underwear (which are far more advanced than THESE ones) from designer Andrew Christian. Way to call yourself out, Andrew! GEE, I WONDER WHO HAS A SMALL PENIS?! Haha, yeah it’s me. The Shock Jock Flirt Boxer and Brief. These revolutionary new skivvies feature a soft hidden cup, sculpted into a penis shape (available in black or white models!), that adds around 2 inches to guy’s frontal measurement. “Guys want underwear that looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident,” says Christian. No Andrew, guys don’t want underwear that “looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident”, guys want underwear that makes it look like they have a giant submarine sandwich for a penis that women find twice as mouth-watering as a $5 footlong from Subway. Which reminds me: one time I stuffed a sweatshirt down my pants before a date and the girl was so impressed she couldn’t wait to get back home. Literally — she excused herself to the restroom and then dove out a restaurant window and ran. DAMMIT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING DUTCH! Hit the jump for some NSFW shots of the wienerwear, along with a shot of the designer, who, despite his looks, is actually straight. … … BWAHAHAHAHAHA — did I fool anybody?!

See the original post here:
Sock No More!: Underwear w/ Built-In Wiener

This is a nativity made entirely out of meat . Okay, and some hash browns and pretzel sticks. I particularly love how all the wise men are wearing tin-foil helmets . Star of Bethlehem: miraculous sign or alien spacecraft . Only baby Jesus knows for sure, and he’s not talking . Not to me anyway. I mean seriously, how much praying to win the lottery is too much praying to win the lottery? “At all”? Woopsie daisy. So awesome [sayuncle] Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who tried to cut corners and use animal crackers for all the nativity beasts and ended up burning his house down.

Read the rest here:
Mmmmmmm, Wise Men: The Meat Nativity

This is a real sign spotted at a Barnes & Noble bookstore . And the question of the hour is this: should we all be excited that kids are at least reading something , or disappointed THERE’S A F***ING ‘TEEN PARANORMAL ROMANCE ‘ GENRE? Option two, obviously. I swear, I’m so disgusted right now I could burn down Amazon . “GW, stop being stupid — Amazon isn’t even a real store.” Oh yeah? Well you’re not even a real person, so there. Don’t believe me? Pinch your non-dominant arm as hard as you can. Haha, that’s what you get! Say hello to the newest for-real book section at Barnes & Noble [reddit] Thanks to Ashley, who admitted to loving the Twilight series in her tip and officially dead to me. Zombie teen romance?! Please God no.

Go here to see the original:
Well Folks, It’s Official: Literature Is Dead

Note: No matter how many times you try clicking the picture, nothing’s going to happen. Hit the jump to watch the video. “GW, that has got the be the most boring-ass screencap of all time”. OH COME ON, IT LOOKS LIKE HOTH ! “Yeah well your face looks like a Wampa “. Ouch, you are being really mean to me today. And I like it. I don’t know if you knew this about me, but I’m a masochist. It’s true, I can’t even get off anymore unless I’ve been shot . OH SHIT — a wild tie-in appeared! Apparently, Mythbusters is going to film a segment to test the incredible case of the spinning bullet on ice. Many people are discussing if this is possible or not. After watching it repeatedly and reading the arguments, I believe it. Some people say that this is impossible. How can a .40 caliber bullet stop on the ice like that, losing all its forward momentum and still keep spinning? I don’t know the what the physics are, but the video is pretty clear and I don’t see any way of faking that, which is probably why Mythbusters is going to put it to the test. I watched the video in question several times, and it looks legit. Then, because I’m such an intrepid reporter, I searched Youtube for other people trying it, whose attempts also seemed legit. But that’s not important, what’s important is how many people are gonna shoot themselves trying it. I suspect in the tens. Hit it for the WTFery.

Originally posted here:
Can Shooting A Bullet Into Ice Cause It To Stop And Spin Like A Top? SPOILER: Yes

Unhear It is a website that plays random-ass remixes to help get the song that’s stuck in your head unstuck . Granted it’s just replacing it with another , but still. Maybe it’ll be better than ♫ the song that never ends — yes it goes on and on my friend, some people staaaarted singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just BECAUSE I AM A JERK ♫ Have fun with that one, suckers! We created this site for those of you that have a song stuck in your head and you can’t get it out no matter what you do. Using the latest in reverse-auditory-melodic-unstickification technology, we’ve been able to allow our users to “unhear” songs by hearing equally catchy songs. So really all we’re doing is making you forget your old song by replacing it with another one… sorry. Pretty cool, but I just invented Unsee It. Basically it replaces the mental image of whatever scarring thing I just showed you with another, much more traumatizing image. Check it: close your eyes and pretend you just saw a robot wielding a knife. Scary right? BOOM — two old geezers having intercourse! Haha, no need to thank me. Unhear It Thanks to SharaSue, who probably wishes she could unread that last paragraph. Two words: shots, lots

More:
Got A Ditty Stuck In Your Head? Unhear It!