Sorry for the late start today folks, the internet was booboo when I woke up and instead of going to Starbucks I decided to yell at pedestrians from my balcony. Seems to have done the trick! Ever made love on the back of a dead alien before? I have. Ripley never had it so good. And now you too can spice up your love life with an alienskin rug from Ukranian leather-fethisher Bob Basset (best known for his bitchin’ dragon backpack ). Did I mention it glows in the dark? That’s to set the mood. Plus so you can see what goes where when you’re with a lady. Because there’s nothing awkwarder than making love on an alienskin rug only to discover you’re making love to an alienskin rug. Trust me. I had to marry it. Hit the jump for a bunch more shots including its glowing capabilities.

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Alienskin Rug: ‘Out Of This World’ Lovemakin’

Note: Video is after the jump for fear of accidentally FATALITY-ING your ass all over the front page. This is a video making its way around the interwebs that appears to be an 8-minute trailer for an upcoming Mortal Kombat movie. BUT THAT AIN’T THE CASE. It’s actually believed to be some viral marketing for a new Mortal Kombat game . But is it? I have no idea. It is incredibly well made though. Plus Reptile eats people’s heads. Sick! Kidding, it’s not any worse than a dog licking it’s own a-hole. *ahem* CHLOE! Gimme kissies. Eight minutes of worthwhile billable time awaits you after the jump. FINISH IT!

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WTF Did I Just Watch: Mortal Kombat: Rebirth

This a computer model of Jesus’ face using information from the blood on the Shroud of Turin to create the image. He looks like somebody I know. The image has been created for the History Channel’s upcoming special, “The Real Face of Jesus,” which is set to air next week. Ray Downing, president of Studio Macbeth, explains how they recreated the “real” face of Jesus to the NY Post: “We ‘lifted’ the blood and isolated it [on the computer],” he said, ’so that would sit ‘in air’ [on a transparent background].” Interesting, Ray, but I’ve seen the “real” face of Jesus, and it didn’t require any technical computer mumbo-jumbo. No, it came to me in Flamin’ Hot Cheeto form and I ate the whole bag except for his face without getting diarrhea . There’s no doubt it was a miracle. The “Real Face of Jesus” (PHOTO) Revealed?! [postchronicle] Thanks to Pete, who once saw the face of God in a cloud before getting struck by lighting. Geez, you can’t look directly at him, Pete! Don’t you remember the Nazis in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’?

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Computer Modeling: Is This Jesus’ Face?

Remember when Pluto was a planet? Me neither, I drink too much. And, I don’t know if we can really trust anything NASA tells us anymore, but these are allegedly the most detailed images of Pluto ever taken. As you can see, we still have a long ways to go. NASA today released the most detailed set of images ever taken of the distant dwarf planet Pluto. The images taken by NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope show an icy and dark molasses-colored, mottled world that is undergoing seasonal changes in its surface color and brightness. Pluto has become significantly redder, while its illuminated northern hemisphere is getting brighter. These changes are most likely consequences of surface ices sublimating on the sunlit pole and then refreezing on the other pole as the dwarf planet heads into the next phase of its 248-year-long seasonal cycle. The dramatic change in color apparently took place in a two-year period, from 2000 to 2002. Jesus, a two-year period? Somebody rocket that dwarf planet some sanitary napkins! New Hubble Maps of Pluto Show Surface Changes [nasa] via Most Detailed View of Pluto to Date [gizmodo]

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You Silly ‘Lil Dwarf: Detailed Images Of Pluto

Whew — after an unquestionably robot-related catastrophic failure yesterday, Geekologie is back and ready to dance . Here, I’ll lead. And by lead I mean stand on your shoes while you shuffle me around the dance floor like a little girl. Okay, now make me fly like Baby at the end of ‘Dirty Dancing’. Whoa — whoa — wheeeeeeeeeee!! *CRASH* Wow, that was definitely NOT the time of my life. These are pens explaining sex. Blogging magic — I’ve still got it. Hit the jump for more, better ones (damn yeah I’m going for that extra click. DO IT!).

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I’m Learning!: Ballpoint Pens Explain Sex

You know that saying, “more than a mouthful’s a waste “? Yeah, me neither. And apparently neither does Australia. The country has decided to ban smaller looking breasts from adult content because of pedo-y concerns. The ban (RC) on small breasted women in adult publications has been made by the Australian Classification Board allegedly on the grounds that such images could be construed as child pornography, even where those publications comply with American law and keep certification that performers are over 18. Female ejaculation has been banned on the incredible grounds that “the depictions are a form of urination which is banned under the label of ‘golden showers’ in the Classification Guidelines” and/or “Female ejaculation is an ‘abhorrent’ depiction.” Notably here male ejaculation is completely legal under the same guidelines, attracting an X rating in Australia. First of all, breasts of all sizes are awesome. And secondly, what’s up with this female ejaculation thing? Talk about a double standard. You outta be ashamed of yourself, Australia! And to think Britain used to use you as a giant penal colony. What happened? Millions Of Extra Sites To Be Censorsed As Australian Gov. Bans Small Breasts, Female Ejaculation [inquisitr] Thanks to Korey and Tofu Butcher, who’ll take all the breasts they can get, regardless of size or number of nipples.

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Discrimination!: Australia Bans Small Breasts

Allegedly this is a picture of the internet (high-res version HERE ). Only thing is, I freaking live in the internet and it doesn’t look all that familiar. I mean, where are all the naked ladies? Everybody knows the internet is at least 40% naked ladies. AND men. I just shy away from the men areas. No, no I don’t. BECAUSE I’M OPEN MINDED. The Internet: The Picture [buzzfeed] Thanks to Drew, who knows the internet is predominately tubes. Gerbil tubes . It’s basically a giant Habitrail.

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Questionable: A Picture Of The Internet

Future college dropout Matthew didn’t know how to work out problem #1 on a recent algebra quiz , so instead he filled the space with an amateur sketch of Charizard attempting to burninate (Trogdor tie-in FTW) the answer out of the ruins of his ineptness. Unfortunately, the teacher came back and PWN’d Matthew’s Charizard with an even worse drawing of Blastoise (which may or may not actually be a flea). Wow guys, is this what higher education has come to — Pokmon math battles? Because that’s awesome if it has. Pokmon Calculus Fail [albotas]

Link:
It’s No Spider: Pokmon Battle Algebra

Google toilet paper : made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: “Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!” HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin’. This Google’s made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget] Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude’s a bear.

Link:
Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping

LED eyelashes are exactly what they sound like: LEDs that attach to your eyelashes and light up to freak everybody out. I would wear them but my eyes are perfect the way they are. Read: eyepatched . YAAAAARR! Now, somebody put my cutlass in my hand and point me toward the liquor store: I’m feeling plunder-y. Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.

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LED Eyelashes: No, That’s Not Weird At All