This is a video of a group of ex-laboratory chimpanzees seeing daylight for the first time in their lives (for some, others since the capture from their mothers soon after birth) and most are over 20. Obviously, they’re f***ing ecstatic to no longer be working (Labor Day tie-in!). Did I mention I cried manly tears? I hope I didn’t. And if I did it’s only because I’m chopping onions for chili-cheese dogs. Hit the jump for 2-minutes of blurred vision.

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Labor No More: Ex Lab-Chimps See Daylight For First Time In Lives (And Some Are 30)

In far less depressing (non- squid ) animal news, a 12-year old African spur-thighed tortoise NAMED GAMERA ( ? Gamera is really neat, Gamera is filled with meat ? ) had to have its front left leg amputated after a severe burn and tissue damage. So what did the vets do? What any Transformers fan would — epoxied a swivel wheel from somebody’s desk chair on him. BU-BWAM! — Gamera rolled out of surgery with a new lease on life. Oh man, just think if he’d had a set of wheels when he was racing that cocky hare (NOT assy fur). He…probably would’ve flown off the course and crashed into a tree or something. Hit the jump for one more shot and a video of Gamera bein’ all “I don’t if I got a wheel for a leg, I’m here for the grass.”

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Turtle’s Leg Replaced With Desk Chair Wheel

This is Midnite (not to be confused with mid night , which is when your carriage turns back into a pumpkin). Midnite is a little horsey who was born without part of a back leg . His original owner, without the decency to contact somebody who might be able to help or putting a bullet in his head, opted to neglect him instead. Eventually, he was confiscated by authorities (who hopefully taught the owner what it feels like to be missing a leg — *PEW PEW* I SAID DANCE, COWBOY!), and delivered to Ranch Hand Rescue, who in turn worked with Forth Worth Prosthetic Care to slap a prosthetic on the lil guy. They were hoping he’d be able to walk with his new leg, but after just his second fitting, Midnite was running (WARNING: VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP INCLUDES FOOTAGE OF MIDNITE RUNNING FOR THE FIRST TIME AND WILL MAKE YOU CRY). Boom — happy ending. And as for that original, neglectful owner… *tossing duffel-bag of zip-ties and duct tape in trunk* Roooooad trip! Hit the jump for the heartwarming video news report.

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Hi-Ho Silver Midnite!: Lil Horsey Gets 2nd Chance At Life With Custom Prosthetic Leg

This is Hachi. Hachi is an Akita/Chow mix that was badly burned in a house fire, leaving him looking like a Terminator . A TERMINATOR THAT JUST MELTED MY HEART INTO A PUDDLE. County fire fighters brought Hachi into Affordable Animal Hospital in Torrance with third-degree burns covering over 60 to 70 percent of his body. He was nothing but a sweetheart from the time he was carried in - black and charred with the pads of his feet literally falling off. Luckily, he responded well to treatment and luckily for someone else, he is ever so sweet. He will make a certain someone or family a very special companion. He is loyal and a totally devoted animal. Much of the burn areas covering his face and body will never grow hair back, there is not much left of his ears either… but we are looking for someone who can overlook what many may find unsightly on the outside to see what a jewel he is on the inside and be reminded of all those that are good in the world: * Fire fighters willing to risk their own lives for that of another and especially that of “just a dog.” * The vets, technicians, groomers and staff at Affordable Animal Hospital that helped him along in his recovery. * The county shelter for footing the bill of this special dog’s lengthy road back to health. Hachi is ready and waiting for a home as special as he is. Okay, who’s crying? Because I can’t even see my monitor that’s how bad that got me. For a second I actually thought I was underwater. Now, somebody (CAPABLE AND NOT A DIPSHIT) go adopt this dog or I’m not writing for the rest of the day. “You wouldn’t!” HA — you think I won’t just go out drinking and forget about you people?! Do it every night. Hit the jump for a closeup of Hachi’s face and a link to his Petfinder page if you live in or around El Segundo, CA and want to give Hachi a new lease on life.

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HELP: Terminator Dog Needs Adopting

In case you haven’t seen it splattered all over the news because you don’t believe mainstream media ( and you shouldn’t ), here’s one of the rescue capsules that’s currently being used to pull the 33 trapped Chilean miners from the darkness almost 1/2 mile below. Did I mention it’s only 21.25 inches in diameter? Because it is. Now I know what you’re thinking, “OMG, they’d have to leave me down there!” I’m afraid so. This Is the Coffin That Will Save the Miners [gizmodo] Thanks to ACORNSTU, who would have dug his own tunnel to the surface because he was raised by mole-people. Oooh oooh — let’s burrow to China!

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Cramped: The Chilean Mine Rescue Capsule

Oscar the grouch kitty was sleeping in a field when his back legs got run over by a combine harvester. That story smelling fishy as shit aside, now he has bionic legs. His new kitten heels were designed with custom-made implants, which “peg” the ankle to the foot and mimic the way deer antler bone grows through skin. In a three-hour procedure, the veterinary surgical team inserted the pegs by drilling into one of Oscar’s ankle bones in each of his back legs. The implants, which are attached to the bone at the amputation site, were coated with hydroxyapatite to encourages bone cells to grow onto the metal. Oscar was trying to stand a day after the surgery and, despite some problems with infection, he was able to bear weight equally on all four limbs within four months. Fitzpatrick said the patient had made a remarkable recovery. “Oscar can now run and jump about as cats do,” he said. Heartwarming, isn’t it? Also kind of gross. But mostly heartwarming. I swear, medicine’s sure come a long way, hasn’t it? Reminds me of the time my little sister broke her arm. We had to put her down . Video report with bionic-foot footage after the jump.

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Your Kneading Feels Different: A Bionic Kitty