Damn bro those fangs are GREEN — it’s called Crest, it comes in a tube. Because science has basically devolved into trying ANYTHING, researchers at Stanford University have discovered that injecting old mice with the blood of young mice has a rejuvenating effect on the old-timers’ brains . Plus — PLUS — also works in reverse . *injecting roommate with Hi-C* The study found that when blood from a young mouse was injected into an older mouse, that older mouse enjoyed what could almost be termed a “rejuvenation effect”: it began producing more neurons, firing more activity across synapses, and even suffered less inflammation. Interestingly, performing the reverse, in which a young mouse was injected with blood (or, more accurately, plasma, which is the parts of blood without blood cells), resulted in young mice with distinctly elderly attributes–increased inflammation, a reduction in the production of new neurons, that kind of thing. Whatever you do, don’t tell the Twihards. No lie — I actually have a friend that has fang-wounds tattooed on her neck above “Edward was here”. And by friend I mean acquaintance. And by acquaintance I mean I did lie and make that up but if you think there’s not a girl reading this that’s gonna get it done this weekend then you’ve got another thing cullen. Get it? Cullen — like Edward Cullen! *bites bullet* Study Finds That Injecting Old Mice With Young Mouse Blood Has a Rejuvenating Effect [popsci] Thanks to Thaylor, who tried injecting a carton of spoiled milk with fresh milk but it was still chunky when he drank it. Damn.

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Uh-Oh, Vampiring Works: Old Mice Injected With Young Mice Blood ‘Rejuvinated’

Did I say jiggling? Because I meant juggling . I’m just not gonna change the headline because I figured the sensationalism might attract some more traffic. “Like opening a nudey bar at the mall?” Exactly like opening a nudey bar at the mall. This is a robot that can juggle five balls simultaneously. Plus it makes the sound of a robot diddling its dipstick while it operates, so that’s a bonus. Just not the kind of bonus you’d want to call in the next 15-minutes to receive. Hold on, there’s a clown at the door and he’s crying. There there, buddy — they’re not gonna take your job away from you. Huh? That’s not why you’re crying? You found Tiny dead in the trunk of the clown car?!?! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO DO A HEAD-COUNT AFTER EVERY PERFORMANCE! Hit the jump for a whole bunch of ball juggling goin’ on.

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Another Day, Another Ball-Jiggling Robot

Remember BigDog from Boston Dynamics? Ha, how could you forget , it haunts our dreams at night (well at least mine anyways). And now the creators have been awarded a grant from DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) to build ‘Cheetah’, a smaller, faster-than-human version capable of hunting. Basically, a fully-functional killer version of this guy . Greaaaaaaaat. *jams a porkchop between your buttcheeks* As the name implies, Cheetah is designed to be a four-legged robot with a flexible spine and articulated head (and potentially a tail) that runs faster than the fastest human. In addition to raw speed, Cheetah’s makers promise that it will have the agility to make tight turns so that it can “zigzag to chase and evade” and be able to stop on a dime. Aside from its unspecified military applications, Cheetah’s makers see it galloping to the rescue and building a brave new future in the fields of “emergency response, firefighting, advanced agriculture and vehicular travel.” So — is anybody here still convinced the robot apocalypse is just a make-believe story I tell my dogs before bed so they don’t get off the couch in the middle of the night? If so, raise your hand. Skynet — please take all these @$$holes first and give the rest of us a fighting chance. Now — who knows the best way to kill a robotic cheetah? *pointing* You, with the glasses. “With kindness?” Yeaaaaaaaah, you try that. Then, while it’s busy tearing all your limbs off, I’ll shoot it with a rocket launcher. ROCKET LAUNCHER, MORON, ROCKET LAUNCHER WAS THE ANSWER. Darpa’s Cheetah-Bot Designed to Chase Human Prey [wired] Thanks to Kristen and jdivo, who want to know if you throw a robotic cheetah if it always lands on its feet. SPOILER : No. It lands on your face. With its claws out. Then your face disappears.

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BigDog’s Creators Get DARPA Grant To Build A Faster, Human-Hunting Robotic Cheetah

Seen here getting eye-f***ed by Ken Jennings, IBM’s supercomputer ‘Watson’ beat the two most successful Jeopardy contestants to date (Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter) during a practice round before today’s taping of the official showdown airing February 14th. Move over butthole-shaped chocolates , you’re getting a robot apocalypse this Valentine’s! Not a single question was answered wrongly, and at the end of the match Watson, who answers questions with a cold computer voice, telegraphing his certainty with simple color changes on his “avatar,” was ahead with $4,400, Ken had $3,400, and Brad had $1,200. Alright, a “win” for silicon for now, but without any Double Jeopardy or Final Jeopardy it’s hard to tell how well Watson will do in a real match. What’s clear is that he isn’t dumb, and it seems like the best chance the humans will have will be buzzing in before Watson can run through his roughly three second decision process and activate his buzzer mechanically. An extra plus for the audience is a graphic that shows the three answers Watson has rated as most likely to be correct, and how certain he is of the answer he selects — we don’t know if that will make it into the actual TV version, but we certainly hope so. It’s always nice to know the thought processes of your destroyer. $1,200, Brad, really? Way to make us all look bad. Geez, even I could have done better. GW : I’ll take, “Woops I just tripped over a power cord and unplugged Watson for the win please, Alex”. Alex : I’m sorry, GW, but you’re still trailing Ken by $36,000. GW : But he’s been masturbating behind his podium the whole time! Ken : KNOWLEDGE. IS. POWEEEEEEEER!!! Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of the practice round in action.

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Damn You, Skynet!: IBM’s Supercomputer Beats Jeopardy Contestants In Warm-Up

Wow, what a picture . Somebody must’ve opted for the deluxe package at Sears Portrait Studio! A study at the University of Washington’s Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences took a sample of 64 18-month-old babies, who were all tested individually. The experimental test had the babies sit on their parents’ laps, facing a remote-controlled humanoid robot. Sitting next to the robot was Rechele Brooks, one of the researchers on the study. Brooks and the robot (controlled remotely by an unseen researcher) would then engage in a 90-second skit, in which Brooks interacted with the robot as if it was a child, asking questions like “Where is your tummy?” and “Where is your head?” The robot would in turn point to its different parts. The robot would also imitate a few arm movements, like waving back and forth. The babies who watched this skit looked back and forth between the robot and Brooks as if “at a ping-pong match,” said Brooks. After the skit, Brooks left the room, leaving the baby and the robot alone. The robot would then beep and shift slightly to get the baby’s attention, and then turn to look at a nearby toy. In 13 out of 16 cases, the baby would follow the robot’s gaze, suggesting that the baby sees the robot as a sentient being, that what the robot looks at might be of interest to the baby as well. Babies at that age distinguish between, say, a swivel chair’s movement and a person’s movement, and will only follow the person. But in following the robot, the study suggests that the baby has decided that robot is a human being. I’m not gonna lie, that doesn’t even sound like a well-designed experiment. What it does sound like is child abuse. But what do I know? I’m just a man who was raised by super-intelligent beings from another galaxy to come save your sorry asses from the robots when the time arises. And you better hope I’m not on the john at said time. Because I sit there until my legs go numb and I’ll be in no shape to fight robots for at least 20 minutes. 30 if I decide to make a snack after because I just cleared some room. In New Study, Babies Think A Silvery Robot Is Human, As Long As It Acts Friendly [popsci] Thanks to Mih0, Jeff and Kelly, who’s babies will never mistake robots for people because they’ve got a little something I like to call Anti-Robot Intuition.

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Study: Babies Mistake Robot For A Human

Because you can’t be a robot sympathizer without being a giant f***ing racist as well (how do you feel about robots again?), some Italian scientists decided to dress a robot in faux Native American headdress and teach it archery. YOU’RE TERRIBLE PEOPLE! Just kidding (I have to say that because Dr. Kormushev sent the tip). Dr. Petar Kormushev and his colleagues at the Italian Institute of Technology’s (IIT) Advanced Robotics Dept. love to teach human skills to robots…Dr. Kormushev and company have now taught a robot to be a skilled archer in just eight tries. Above is a picture of said archer. The good news is he has the body of a 3 and a half year old baby. The bad news is that he’s iCub, an open source robot, so there’s more of him out there. Kinda like little versions of the ones in I, Robot . Are they planning to make a mediocre movie? They must be stopped. But first we have to get our hands on ARCHER (Augmented Reward Chained Regression), the learning algorithm that enabled the iCub to learn to hit bulls eyes in the first place. After every trial, the iCub sees where his arrow hit and consequently adjusts his aim for the next try. Wow, I’ve always known Italians are awful, shameless people who wear too much gold, but this is ridiculous. Huh? Oh I’m allowed to say that because I’m half Italian. The other half? French . KIDDING! God I felt dirty just saying it. Still love your fries! Hit the jump for the last thing I’d ever want shooting an apple off my head in action.

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NOT COOL BROS: Bow And Arrow Robot

Seen here practicing its pews , an unmanned robotic death & destruction copter went rogue while flying around Washington DC . I suspect it was coming to my old apartment. Thank God I never forwarded my mail! A software error, combined with an unfortunate user action, led to a US military robot helicopter - developed from a manned version and capable of carrying a fearsome arsenal of weapons - straying into restricted airspace near Washington DC, according to reports. Losses of communications between unmanned aircraft and ground operators are a routine event, but seldom have serious consequences. Robot planes and choppers lacking instructions from their human masters will normally circle where they are when comms go down, and control is almost always restored shortly thereafter… The difference here is that the MQ-8 failed to follow its built-in failure protocol, instead continuing on course. Unmanned aircraft are generally restricted to operations in special military-controlled airspace and are forbidden to enter areas governed by normal civil rules. Did you read that? It failed to follow its built-in failure protocol. Try to explain that, robot-apocalypse naysayers! It’s coming. And when it does, oh boy, when it does . I’m gonna shit bricks! Hopefully gold ones . ROBOT KILL-CHOPPER GOES ROGUE above Washington DC! [theregister] (who may or may not have learned they know about headline writing from yours truly) Thanks to Tracy, spotisfocus, Mikey D., alan, Tareek, Chris, Mesnard, Matt and APOCALYPSE PAUL, who would have shot that beast out of the sky and made a laptop out of its guts. You, uh, sure that’s safe?

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DEFCON 1! — We Have A Situation!: Robotic Death-Chopper Goes Rogue Over DC

Wonderful news: apparently my only remaining love in life might be slowly killing me. That’s right — box-springs may act as giant radiation-spewing antennas, filling our bodies with the nasty while we sleep . And all this from trying to figure out why breast cancer is 10% more likely to appear in the left boobie than the right. GOD, JUST TAKE ME NOW! *eying margarita on nightstand* Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast big guy — I’ve been saved. The research, carried out by Hallberg Independent Research and the Karolinska Institute, both in Sweden, attempts to correlate the fact that most people tend to sleep on their right side and that the length of a box spring mattress in America is exactly the right length to make it act as an amplifier for FM and TV waves. “Thus, as we sleep on our coil-spring mattresses, we are in effect sleeping on an antenna that amplifies the intensity of the broadcast FM/TV radiation,” writes Scientific American. “Asleep on these antennas, our bodies are exposed to the amplified electromagnetic radiation for a third of our life spans.” The radiation would be the strongest almost a meter above the surface of the box spring, which would mean that the side of your body that you’re not sleeping on would get hit the hardest. In most cases, that’d be your left. Sounds pretty convincing, doesn’t it? Too bad it’s all fake research. I’ve got two words for you: Tempur-Pedic conspiracy . Kidding, I’m not really one of those crazy conspiracy theorists (It’s those asshats over at Sleep Number and I know it!). Great, even our beds could be causing cancer [dvice] and Your Boxspring Could Be Acting as a Gigantic, Cancer-Causing Radiation Antenna [gizmodo]

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Of Course, The One Thing I Love Is Killing Me: Beds May Emit Raditation, Cause Cancer

There are good ideas and there are great ideas . This is a f***ing terrible one. Nuking the oil leak to cover that shit in rubble and seal it off. Plus birth Godzilla! (which, admittedly, I am for) A plan proposed to detonate a nuke to seal off that troublesome oil well is gaining support with each of BP’s failures. The Russians apparently used the tactic five times between 1966 and 1981. They went four for five. Will it ever happen? According to an anonymous source at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico — y’know, the guys and gals who created the Bomb in the first place — no. “It’s not going to happen,” continuing on with “Technically, it would be exploring new ground in the midst of a disaster — and you might make it worse.” Listen: I know James Cameron may be some kind of expert on submersibles and underwater filming, but if you’re considering atomic warheads you’re gonna need me on the team . Because I’m an atomic expert. Just sayin’, one time I nuked a hotdog for three minutes before it exploded. Nuking the oil spill, a ‘crazy’ plan that’s gathering steam [dvice]

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Smart Thinking: Okay Forget James Cameron, Let’s Just Nuke That Oil Spill! (Yes, Seriously)

I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good . I better finish my rocket double-time before this thing goes and swallows up the solar system. WHO’S COMING WITH ME? I have room for three. Plus snacks. Operators of the world’s largest atom smasher on Friday ramped up their massive machine to three times the energy ever previously achieved, in the run-up to experiments probing the secrets of the universe. The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, said beams of protons circulated at 3.5 trillion electron volts in both directions around the 17-mile tunnel housing the Large Hadron Collider under the Swiss-French border at Geneva. The next major development is expected in a few days when CERN starts colliding the beams in a new round of research to examine the tiniest particles and forces within the atom in hopes of finding out more about how matter is made up. Not to put a damper on your weekend, but we’re all as good as dead. So you know what that means — drink like you’ve never drank before!* *Geekologie accepts no responsibility for alcohol poisoning but will take all the credit if you manage to score some awkward, drunken sex. Atom Smasher Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record [foxnews] Thanks to hybridsix, who promises to sabotage the machine with more bread. Smart, hybridsix, way to buy us some time.

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What Does That Even Mean?: Large Hadron Collider "Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record"