Because I have to run to a doctor’s appointment this afternoon (72-hour erection) and I need to get some posts up, here’s a Rube Goldberg machine created by kinetic artist Joseph Herscher to turn a single newspaper page. Damn yeah I’ll copy/paste the process to make this article look huge!: Joseph Herscher drinks his coffee (1), which pulls a string, which yanks a pencil (2), which tips paintings one by one as the balls roll down. The third ball rolls into a shelving unit (3) and swings a ladle, which pours glycerin from a jug into a cup, which combines with potassium and combusts. A fuse catches fire and burns, which releases the pool balls (4) one by one. The fourth ball lands in a hanging green shot glass (5), which turns on the gas. Meanwhile, The fuse (still burning) ignites the gas, which boils the liquid and sends steam into a sponge (6), which becomes heavy and tips, sliding a fly swatter (7) up, which releases a ball, which rolls along the top of the books, knocking the other balls and eventually knocking a Velcro-covered ball. The weight of the Velcro ball tips a book (8) out of the bookcase, which opens it and allows a small marble to roll out of the book and knock a vase (9) off the table. Headphones (10) are pulled by the vase, which releases an orange glass (11), which rolls along the slanted table, sticks to the tape (12) and yanks a pencil in the computer (13). The screen shuts and the computer falls off the table, which pulls a cable, switching on a hair dryer (14), which annoys the hamster (15). He runs, which causes the cage to tip. The pool ball (16) rolls along the top of the cage and drops, which knocks a baking pan (17) off the table, which pulls the hair dyer with it and causes tape (18) to roll across the table, sticking to, and turning, the front page of the newspaper (19). That…sounds pretty complicated. Here’s what I’d do: call 911 and tell them you have a house fire. When the firemen show up, tell them you already put it out it BUT MY GOD ARE THEY GOOD LOOKIN’. Then ask one to turn the page for you. Afterwards, ask them all to take their vests off and pose for the 2013 sexy firemen calendar you’ve been planning. They’ll be flattered, trust me. (I made one last year with Animal Control!) Hit the jump for the impressive machine and a link to NY Time’s interactive image of the process.

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God, Just Train A Pet Like A Normal Person: A Newpaper Page-Turning Rube Goldberg Machine

This is a video of a guy stopping his truck with his feet because he must have seen it on a cartoon once. How he hasn’t run off the edge of a cliff and hovered there for a second before plummeting to his death is beyond me. A police video camera captured images of a 24-year-old Detroit-area man who tried using his feet to stop a runaway pickup truck with faulty brakes and caused multiple collisions, exhibiting “moronic decision making,” a Roseville police official said Thursday. Witnesses said the man reached speeds of about 40 mph and was able to stop the car on at least two occasions . The car eventually struck four vehicles. “He said he was going to fix the brakes when he got home,” Berlin said. AHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAH — IT WASN’T JUST A SINGLE TIME!! Dude lost his brakes, was able to stop the car, but then kept going . Now that — that’s dedication. Or…something. Something that shouldn’t be rewarded with continuing to live. Hit the jump for the how did you not die a long time ago?

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Fred Flintstone’s Brakes Are Out So He Stops Truck With Feet (Until The Time He Can’t)

Note: Video possibly NSFW depending on how your employer feels about a couple f-bombs. Audio is naturally low though so I say go for it. This is a video of some crazy Ruskie (whose accent alone makes the video worth a watch) demonstrating the effects different caliber bullets have on water-filled milk jugs. He does a 9mm , 38-special, .357, .45 and 12-gauge shotgun (just for the hell of it). After watching, I’ve decided I definitely don’t want to get hit with anything bigger than a 38. Shoot me all day with a 9mm, that’s fine, but I’m not taking a .357 even in the buttcheeks. Shit, or a flu-shot for that matter. Now you can call me old fashioned, but I’d like to leave this world with as many holes in my ass as I came in with: two-and-a-half (one doesn’t actually go anywhere). Hit the jump for more fun than a vodka bottle.

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Ruskie Shooting Water-Filled Milk Jugs Point-Blank With Guns Of Varying Calibers

Note: Must-see video is after the jump. To celebrate the 600-year anniversary of the Old Town Square astrological clock tower in the center of Prague, the city commissioned a video-mapping (other examples of video mapping HERE and HERE ) stunt spectacular lightshow to blow your f***ing socks off, back on, then off again and catch fire. Just watch it. It’s like magic going off in your eyeballs, if you know what that feels like. No? Well have you ever inhaled a fairy? No? Blown a gnome? Don’t lie! Hit the jump for 10:00 of amazingness. You can skip around, but I wouldn’t if I were you. Bill the man for all ten minutes.

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Just Watch It: Amazing Video-Mapping Project Celebrates Clock Tower’s 600th Anniversary

Dogfight as in airplane battle, not dogfight as in I’m a peenerless d-bag who likes watching pitbulls bite each other. Which, fun fact: if I’m ever diagnosed with terminal cancer I’m coming for you. Me making you chew on a gun aside, this is an awesome jet-fighter scene created by Flickr user -Mainman- , who — need a wingman? For anyone who’s interested, the cockpit is somewhere around 1/2 scale (maybe a little smaller) and the F-15E and MiG-29 are 1/100 scale The flares are a couple of Exoforce fiber optic tubes with Lego light bricks on the far end. They worked out better than I expected - I love the lens flare I got with them. Incidentally, with the exception of the HUD display photoshopped in, there’s not a single non-Lego object in this photo Freaking awesome. Reminds me of when my brother and I would set barstools on their sides and sit in them while pretending we were fighter-jet pilots. No, no it doesn’t. Because that was actually a train. Now shovel some more coal in the wastebasket and let’s CHOO CHOO our way to a house fire! -Mainman-’s Flickr Gallery via Enemy in sight [brothers-brick] Thanks to The Bucktooth Ninja, who — Jesus man I could see you coming a mile away with those things. Get some tooth blackout or something.

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Bogey At 2 O’Clock!: Awesome LEGO Dogfight

Maddie Chambers went and built herself a super impressive looking Bag End hobbit hole dollhouse . It’s amazing. I posted a couple more pictures after the jump, but Maddie has between two and three billion on her website which you should go check out to see the whole thing. My penis? You’d need two more eyes to see the whole thing. Hit it for a couple more shots and another link to Maddie’s website.

Originally posted here:
Eye Candy: Amazing Bilbo Baggins Dollhouse

Remember Star Wars Uncut , the online project in which 473 people recreated 15-second clips from Star Wars: A New Hope with cardboard costumes and/or LEGO and the world’s shittiest CGI? Well the project has been completed, and there’s a five minute trailer after the jump. And I’m not talking a double wide either. Get it? Mobile home joke! Hit it for the video.

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Yay!: Star Wars Uncut Reaches Completion

NOTE : F-bomb at 0:24 so turn down the volume there but still listen cause it’s funny. This is a news report on how to report the news. It’s 100% accurate and will blow your mind wide open like a knowledge bomb just went off inside your skull . Which — are you getting all this, Jigsaw? Just sayin’, one time I trapped my little sister under a laundry basket for nearly an hour. Youtube Thanks to Dustin, who knows no news is good news unless it’s on Geekologie.

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Perfectly Accurate: How To Report The News