Remember last year’s release of Super Mario Converse special editions ? Well they’re back with another, this time in low-tops. Me? I like my tops muffin . Dropping next month for an undisclosed amount of gold coins, the Converse Japan One Star Super Mario Bros OX are the perfect shoes for doing a little princess saving. Ooooooor walking to the liquor store. They are NOT for kicking shit though. And neither are flip-flips (that’s how I got worms). Converse One Star Super Mario Bros. OX [highsnobiety] Thanks to Jacques, who claims he used to have a pair of Altered Beast Asics back in the day. Get the f*** out!

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Princess-Saving Shoes: Super Mario Bros. Converse

I thought the whole one ring quote in the title was kind of appropriate because it’s finger art . And where do you wear rings? “I’ve got one stuck on my penis and I’m freaking out!” HA — been there, done that. Just think about Gollum until you’re limp then slip it off. These are some custom fingernail paintings by DeviantARTist Undomiele entitled ‘Enter Mordor’. At first I thought they were just digital, but there’s a video of her actually painting them after the jump. Granted you probably shouldn’t watch it because it’s entirely out of focus, but it is there for you nonbelievers. Me? I’m here for you true believers. Now on the count of three I want you to all drink your Kool-Aid. Hit the jump for the video if you’re interested. WARNING: Mostly out of focus.

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One Ring To Rule Them All: ‘Enter Mordor’ Finger Art

Guy: I AM Ezio Auditore. Girl: I’m smexy! Is Monteriggioni like macaroni? When you get right down to, there are very few things I need in the world. The love of a lady with knockers bigger than mine (shit, or smaller — just no penis) and a cool $10-million and I’d be set. That’s only two things — come on Santa! You fat f*** . But the list of things I want , that thing goes on for miles. Nautical ones (they’re a little longer!). Aaaaaaand includes this $55 ‘Monteriggioni’ Assassin’s Creed hoodie . I actually see a lot of Ezio in myself, you know? Plus every time I walk into a room I visualize how I’d silently stab every one of them without anyone else noticing? Because I do that. Jk jk, but one time I did bust ass and then hold the door closed. *leap-of-faiths off cubicle divider* Hit the jump for closeups.

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WANT: Assassin’s Creed ‘Monteriggioni’ Hoodie

This is a tiny scene from DOOM (which, after 17 years, was finally unbanned in Germany after “the potential to harm youth” was deemed negligible last week) painted on a fingernail . Presumably the thumb . Or is that a toe? Or — OR — were we all just trolled into staring at a painted penis at work? DUM-DUM-DUM! DOOM Fingernail is Cool Video Game Nail Art on a Pretty Gnarly Finger [ obviouswinner ] Thanks to khz, who got little pot leaves painted on all his nails once because he was high when he went in for his mani-pedi.

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Eensy-Weensy: A DOOM Fingernail Painting

This is the latest Adidas x Star Wars gear to hit the street. And by street I mean sales rack, because this ain’t the kind of shit that’s gonna be sold out the back of a truck. iPhone 5 knock-offs yes, and I’ll give you a great deal on one because you seem like a good person/I like you. Anyway, Star Wars Adidas gear — it looks good and it’s expensive. Just remember: you get what you pay for . Except me. Because one time at Starbucks I paid for an iced latte but got a vanilla fappuccino . Crazy, I know. In hindsight I may have taken somebody else’s drink. Hit the jump for the rest of the collection including a pair of wampa kicks I’m actually considering.

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Adidas x Star Wars Fall & Winter Collection

Remember those limited edition Marc Ecko Star Wars hoodies that came out a few years ago? Those were pretty cool (well, except the $100+ price tags). These ones? Not as much. But they are less than half the price, so you won’t get as pissed when you burn a hole in the chest shooting bottle rockets at a friend playing ‘Boba Fett, Bounty Hunter’ or whatever the f*** you weirdos do on weekends. Did I mention all three models COME WITH FULLY ZIPPABLE HOODS AND MESH EYEHOLES TO SEE OUT OF?! Because they do. Don’t believe me? Hit the jump to see just how good you’ll look wearing one like that. SPOILER: Not at all. Leia wouldn’t even give you a second glance. “But…” Butt?! Your ass is even worse — she’d probably vom! Hit the jump for the hoodies zipped up and on people.

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Cheap!: $50 Star Wars Character Hoodies

This is a line of Marvel superhero /supervillain hoodies for sale by ThinkGeek. As you can see, they come in Spiderman, Venom and Captain America varieties and will set you back $50 apiece. And that’s for any size — including 2XL . Now that’s what I call taking your target demographic into consideration! Get it? Because I’m overweight. Just sayin’, you wanna know the last time I saw my toes? During last month’s pedi. God, I’m not THAT bad! (Yes I am too they could’ve painted little penises on my nails for all I know). ThinkGeek Product Site via Marvel Superhero Hoodies [laughingsquid] A special shoutout to Patty Mayonnaise — get better soon, we’re thinking about you.

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Not Foolin’ Anyone: Marvel Superhero Hoodies

Ben Heck, modder extraordinaire , went and created a Portal t-shirt. I assume for Halloween, but possibly just for fun. It’s almost identical to this guy’s “hole through the chest” shirt, except that one doesn’t have a Portal theme, making it forgettable at best. What was I just talking about? Exactly. Hit the jump for an entirely-too-long 17-minute video of the shirt from conceptualization to building to finished product.

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The Hole Is A Lie: Real Life Portal T-Shirt

See? When it’s zipped up it looks like a regular hand wave, but, after a partial zip-down, it becomes the traditional Vulcan salute . Plus — BAM! — sex-change, bow tie and glasses! And all for $40. Not even a back-alley surgeon will sew a wiener on for that cheap! And that’s not taking the glasses or bow tie into consideration. Even clip-ons are expensive these days. Plus, and I’m just throwing this out there — with a little alteration you could turn this Spocker into a shocker . You’ll be the envy of your whole fraternity! Threadless Product Site Thanks to Ace, who doesn’t wear hoodies because they always f*** up his do’.

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Clever, Veeeery Clever: Spock Hand Hoodie

This is a t-shirt designed by BattleTankBob that’s up for voting with the hope that Threadless will actually print them. Which, if they did, I’d probably buy. And not just because I really hope it comes with that fake mustache , but I am considering moonlighting as a private eye. And by private eye I obviously mean peeping tom. I see you! No-Life Meter [threadless] Thanks to Bob, who — oh shit, the BattleTank himself?! I want a ride!

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The Story Of My Life In Zelda T-Shirt Form