Because those forest green camo shorts don’t hide you on the street as well as you’d like to imagine, a North Carolina company is now designing site-specific camouflage using satellite imagery and drone/ground recon. ZOMG — tell me you can make me look like a women’s sauna. Additionally because the patterns are created from photos that have been taken at different focal lengths it inhibits depth perception — making it more challenging for the brain to see the camouflaged surfaces as a single object. The camouflage may even receive a further upgrade, with the software firm applying for a patent on an “adaptive” material consisting of a vinyl substrate, a flexible image display that could adjust to the environment, and thermoelectric panels that could modify the soldier’s heat signature. Whoa whoa whoa, that sounds like quite a jump — going from printed cloth to morphing adaptive camo with thermoelectrics that can modify a soldier’s heat signature? You do know you’re not going to be able to make those on the same machinery as the cloth camo, right? Thankfully, I’ve got just the technology you need — only $2,000,000. “Is that what I think it is?” Depends, what do you think it is? “An Easy-Bake Oven taped to a sewing machine?” Maybe . Just give me a cool mill, I like your bulge smile. Special ops dream: next-gen camo to be site-specific [dvice] Thanks to Brian, who hides the old fashioned way: covering his eyes and humming “la la la — you can’t see me!” (I think he’s four)

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It’s About Time: Company Designs Site-Specific Camo

This is a video of a new 3-D laser display that can “print” 3-D images IN MIDAIR. How? Magic. I know I say that a lot, but I’m actually 99% certain this time. The system has a framerate of just 10-15 FPS right now, although the company is working on bumping that up to 24-30. It’s smoother in real life than it looks in this video, though. According to DigInfo News, the video was shot at 30 FPS, which makes the 15 FPS projection look like it’s flickering. Yeaaaaaaah, why on earth would a cameraman covering A TECHNOLOGY CONVENTION shoot a 15FPS laser lightshow at 30FPS? Jesus — where’d you find this guy, Craigslist? Hit the jump for the future of…something. P0rn? Video games? Probably one of those two.

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Tell Me That’s Not A Death Star: 3-D Laser Display

Note: This is nowhere nearthe whole graphic (apparently the future is loooooooong), click HERE to see the whole thing. This is a giant infographic designed by Michael Hobson featuring sci-fi movies and television shows based in the future and what humanity has to look forward to during a particular period. SPOILER: nothing good. Just sayin’, if I had died yesterday I wouldn’t be complaining. Get it? I’d be too busy watching you all undress as a ghost! OMG OMG — I saw this one dude that looked like he had tits on his back. I went in for a motorboat but my face went right through him! The Future According To Films [visual.ly] Thanks to skamondongo, who agrees the future is looking pretty bleak for anybody but androids.

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The Future (According To Sci-Fi Film And TV)

Word Lens is a $5 iPhone app that provides a streaming translation of whatever you’re pointing your phone at (i.e. road signs , menus, etc). It’s pretty much the technology of the future because, let’s not kid ourselves, no child born after 2000 will bother learning any language but text-talk . Isn’t that right you little dipshits?! At the moment, the app only translates words from Spanish to English and vice-versa. Imagine how language barriers will crumble when we get Chinese, French and German to English. There’s a video demo of the technology after the jump that looks pretty amazing provided it’s real and not all smoke and mirrors. And speaking of smoke and mirrors — meth and coke, amirite?! No, I’m not — drugs are bad. Except alcohol, which shouldn’t even be considered a drug as much as it should be added to the bottom of the food pyramid. *ahem* FDA . YOU APPROVED BONER PILLS! Hit the jump for a 1:00 demo.

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THE FUTURE IS NOW: iPhone App Provides Instant Video Translations Of Foreign Signs

I hate eating . It takes up precious time plus I’m fat . But what if homecooked meals were easier to make? THEY ARE, THEY’RE CALLED HOT POCKETS. But did that stop MIT cohorts Marcelo Coelho and Amit Zoran from conceptualizing this ‘Cornicopia’ digital food printer ? Oh hell nah son! this 3-D printer concept is a personal food factory that fuses the digital world with the realm of cooking by storing, precisely mixing, depositing, and cooking layers of ingredients with no waste. Cornucopias’ printing process begins with an array of food canisters filled with the “cook’s” foods of choice. After a meal selection has been made using the device’s multi-touch translucent screen, users are able to see their meal being assembled while simultaneously manipulating real-time parameters, such as calories or carbohydrate content. Each ingredient is then piped into a mixer and then very precisely extruded, allowing for very exact and elaborate combinations of food. Once each ingredient has been dropped, the food is then heated or cooled by Cornucopia’s chamber or via the heating and cooling tubes located on the printing head. Mmmm, that sounds….like Taco Bell. Great, now I want a cheesy gordita crunch. Oooh — and a Mexican pizza. Shit do they still sell Choco-Tacos? Because I will straight up crash my roommate’s Vespa through the drive-thru window if they do. Want anything? Four chalupas and a Baja Blast? YOU’LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT! Hit the jump for several more renderings.

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Print Me A Pizza!: MIT’s Digital Food Printer

Brother (the printer /sewing machine company, not my brother Frank), has developed vibration -powered batteries that promise to stay charged simply by shaking them. Shake Weight battery chargers? I think so! Called the Vibration-powered Generating Battery (maybe in the future we’ll all ask for VGBs instead of Energizers), the batt’s fit in any regular ol’ AA or AAA slot. Of course, there are already plenty of rechargeable alternatives out there — and most gadgets today just use lithium-ion batteries — though you still need to plug either in if you want to get some juice. With vibration-powered batteries, you’d be able to charge up anywhere, anytime. Okay, so typically I don’t share my scientific discoveries with anyone, but this one’s just too good to keep to myself. So check it: you take a bunch of these batteries, and you jam them in a vibrator . Boom — PERPETUAL. F***ING. MOTION! Double entendre, count it! New vibration-powered batteries make charging easier than ever [dvice]

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The Future: Vibration Powered Batteries

Note: Video is after the jump because my Force wasn’t strong enough to keep the video on the front page. I know, I’m a weakling. Following in the footsteps of Star Wars Kid , somebody went and edited a lightsaber into the hands of Ninja Bear . Only problem is, he can’t seem to hold the thing by the handle . That’s how I could tell it was all computer graphics. Because in real life he would have cut himself to pieces and splattered all the kids watching with his blood. Which reminds me: you ever seen a magician f*** up cutting a woman in half at a friend’s Bar Mitzvah? Epic. Hit it for the video.

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Ninja Bear: Now With More Lightsaber Action

Looks cool. Get it? Refrigerator joke! Anyway, this is Yuriy Dmitriev’s conceptual fridge of the future . OMG it’s made out of Slimer. So, what is that stuff? The Electrolux blog — which lists Dmitriev’s concept as one of 25 semifinalists for this year’s Electrolux Design Lab contest — describes it as a “biopolymer gel,” or more specifically a “non-sticky, odorless gel.” You simply plunge whatever you want to keep fresh into the mass of your Bio Robot fridge and it’ll stay where you left it until you come back. I, for one, am all for it (minus the name). And not just because I want to mush my penis in there and pretend I’m makin’ love to the Ice Queen, but you know I’m gonna. And she better not burn my hotdog the way she does the ice cream. Hit the jump for one more shot explaining the thing.

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But It Looks So Cool!: The Fridge Of The Future, Today Tomorrow Probably Never

Unfortunately the couch feels a lot like the floor and I spilled six beers in a row trying to set them on the coffee table . Did I mention the television only gets The Blinding Channel? It’s my favorite. the london-based art and design practice united visual artist recently presented a series of light installation titled ’speed of light’. the project was commissioned by virgin media to commemorate the tenth anniversary of broadband in the UK. the project was installed in the victorian bargehouse on london’s south bank and made use of 148 lasers spread across six rooms. UVA used the beam of light that travels along optical fibers as the starting point for the piece. among the pieces created, UVA crafted a small sitting area that features a sofa, table and television screen made completely from laser beams. Lasers: I love them. In the future scientists will discover how to trap plasma between bands of lasers and pew pew couches will finally become reality. And on that day, oh boy, on that day . I’ll have been dead for at least 200 years. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the exhibit.

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The Future: Furniture Made Out Of Lasers

This is a little graphic charting the progress in music storage. It’s part of a larger graphic which also includes the evolutions of photo and data storage. Click THIS BIG-ASS LINK RIGHT HERE to see the whole thing. But warning: prepare to be wowed. Or at least moderately impressed with how far we’ve come. Now let’s put a man on the moon ! Or a cat. Oh. My. God — SPACE FURBABIES — WANT!! Man, We’ve Come a Long Way From Floppies [gizmodo]

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Don’t Copy That Floppy!: Evolution Of Storage