This is a Nintendo cartridge that’s been stuffed with a breathalizer unit and synced to a homebrew NES game so you can blow into it and find out just how boozy you are. Fun for the whole family! (Except grandma, she’s a mean drunk). DrunkenNES is a for-real NES game lovingly constructed with machine code by Batsly [Adams], music by chiptune artist Kris Keyser and art by Motherboard photographer Emi Spicer. A regular NES cartridge has been loaded with an actual breathalyzer mechanism, which Batsly says he bought from a hardware store. He hacked it into a corded controller that connects to the console just like a normal joystick. After blowing into it for several seconds, the game calculates how slizzered you’ve gotten and awards you with one of several ‘results’ screens like Buzzed Bee and Party Kitten. Best party game ever? Yeah, I’d say so. Very cool. Of course the fact that you’d have to tote a whole NES around pretty much limits its practicality to at-home use only. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, is the one place it doesn’t how drunk you get. Unless you’re one of those drunk-texters, in which case, God, enough with the penis pictures already, I’m on a pay-per-text plan! Just kidding, but do try to consolidate. Hit the jump for a drunk cameraman filming a drunk breathalizer user. Barfy!

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NES 8-Bit Breathalizer Is An Actual Game

This is a video of a bunch of Russian dipshits on a precarious looking roof sledding off with a homemade bungee cord (which may or may not be a bunch of soiled bedsheets tied together) attached. I was convinced the stunt would prove to be certain death, but somehow the girl (note: ALWAYS make the girl go first) survived to scream her f***ing face off and smack into a wall . Just kidding, she doesn’t actually hit a wall, but damn if I wasn’t praying she would. “Uh — GW? You shouldn’t really waste prayers on hoping somebody gets hurt.” YEAH? WELL YOU SHOULDN’T REALLY WASTE YOUR BREATH TRYING TO CHANGE THINGS THAT NEVER WILL. Learn to pick your battles, Napoleon! Hit the jump for the WTFery in action.

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Idiot Morons Sled Bungeeing Off Snowy Roof

Note: You’re not gonna have much fun playing it at this size, click HERE to see the thing in full-res and start making decisions! This is a flowchart you can use to “play” every computer RPG all smushed into one. I tried it a couple times but kept getting stuck in the “enter your name” circle. These games can be so tricky! If you’ve played a lot of role-playing games, you know that the stories blend together after a while. A plot twist or character death might have been shocking the first time, but after seeing the cookie-cutter scenarios repeated in an endless stream of titles, you feel like you’re just playing the same game over and over. Well, we have the solution. Instead of shelling out for the next big Japanese RPG, just go through our handy flow chart. You’ll save money and time while getting the exact same experience! Well — did you win? Congratulations! Pfft, and your parents said you were a born loser . I knew you had it in you! What exactly I don’t know, but I suspect an alien’s seed . You krinky as a mofo! Every RPG Ever [gamingbolt] Thanks to Belpheegor, who’s actually played every RPG and can attest to most of the ending with him screaming and throwing a controller.

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Every Role Playing Game Rolled(!) Into One

This is a sessy video of a pole dancing ninja that, for at least part of her routine, performs with her sword out. An actual sword FYI, that wasn’t a euphemism for a man-hammer. Or was it? It wasn’t so just go watch the video. Pole dancing ninjas : they’re not as uncommon as you’d expect. Just sayin’, strippers have stolen my wallet more times than I’d like to admit. FINE, ELEVEN TIMES, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! I need one of those wallet chains but I don’t want people to think I’m a Juggalo. Hit the jump for the *slash* OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME THAT PART OF THE ACT.

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Pole Dancing Ninja Performs With A Sword

Ever wonder what the lovechild of two different Pokemons would look like? Me neither, I’m too busy brainstorming the world’s hunger problem. My Mother Teresa-ness aside, Pokemon Fusion allows you to morph two Pokemons together to see what their offspring might look like. Basically it takes the body of the first species, and adds the face/coloration of the second. It reminds me of those programs that morph your and your boy/girlfriend’s face so you can see what it would look like if you had babies. Which, fun fact, I’ve never been able to do without the program crashing. IT’S BECAUSE I’M UGLY, ISN’T IT?! No? Because I have a bunch of viruses on my computer from pr0n sites? I’ll take it! Pokemon Fusion Thanks to Zaphod Beeblebrox, Pokeemanz and Braden, who at least a third of pointed out that Butterfree + Primeape = Butterape (It was Zaphod!).

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When Pokemons Procreate: Pokemon Fusion

With World Cup fever in full swing what better way to celebrate than jamming a vuvuzela up somebody’s ass playing a little bathroom soccer ? Enter the Klokicker, the urine -based sport that’s sure to have you staring at another man’s wiener. Football mania while urinating ! It will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan. “klokicker - the footaball-urinal-sieve” … … is a green plastic inset for a urinal, with a football goal installed on top. A football dangles in front of the goal. The accuracy the male guests are capable of is now on the line and they have to “KICK” the ball into the goal. Bull’s eye! And the ball changes colorur. A lot of fun for top goal scorers! Did anybody else try reading that like a poem? Because it wasn’t a very good one. Also, what good is urinal soccer if I only pee sitting down? Still, it might be fun for you PROVIDED YOU CAN STOP PISSING ON YOUR SHOES LONG ENOUGH TO SCORE A GOAL. Here — let me aim. Product Site via Klokicker: The Soccer Urinal Sieve [walyou]

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GOOOOAAAAAAL!: Soccer Goal Urinal Game

Maybe you already knew this because you’re a Hogwarts graduate but Universal Studios is opening a Harry Potter themed section of its Islands of Adventure park in Orlando this spring. Magic! From what i can tell it’s gonna be like three rides ( NSFW ) and twelve ridiculously overpriced restaurants and stores. Whee! (Get me a new wizard hat) Speaking of Harry Potter, you know what I saw the other day? Some grown-ass adult driving around with a ‘My Parents Blatantly Hid My Hogwarts Acceptance Letter’ bumper sticker on his car. So you know what I did? I honked to get his attention and then waved my own little wand at him. Yeah, it was pretty magical. Official Site Thanks to evan, who cast off his wizard robe and hat and was subsequently banned from all amusement parks.

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Harry Potter Section Of Universal Studios’ Islands Of Adventure Coming This Spring

It’s Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). Hit the jump to see them and get all woop woop and ooh la la in your pants and blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. Hit the jump already, geez.

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Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

You just freeze a mint flavored Mento in an ice cube and then make a drink for a friend (read: enemy). Any artificially sweetened soda should work, but preferably something darker so the frozen Mento isn’t so obvious. Then, a few minutes later when the Mento is exposed to the soda, BOOOSH! Alternatively, garnish your friend’s glass with a live hand grenade. Mix an Exploding Drink [wired] Thanks to Towhee Monster, who once bit a Snap-N-Pop to make it explode because she’s hardcore.

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Boom Drink: How To Make Exploding Cocktails

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That’s some sauce, Russia . Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too. Official Site via Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews] Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

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Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants