I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the — nope, dude shot me right at a f***ing wall. This is the fan-made trailer for a make-believe Angry Birds war movie. It was created by the same folks that brought us the 8-Bit Interview video posted awhile back but that probably means jackshit to you because you don’t even hit the jump to watch things. You just scroll down the page in three seconds hoping for something Pokmon to catch your eye and if so 1. comment without reading anything and then it’s 2. back to scouring websites for pics of the most scantily-clad women you think you can get away with at work. Haha, do I know you or what? I don’t, I just have a spy-cam in your wall clock. YOU STEAL PEOPLES’ LUNCHES! Hit the jump for 2:16 you’ll never get back.

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Angry Birds As Iffy Live-Action War Movie

You know that movie ‘ Up ‘ by Pixar? The one about the crotchety old man and chubby boyscout ? Yeah, I haven’t actually seen it (somebody said it’d be too sad for me AND I’M DELICATE LIKE EXPLOSIVE GEL). Well, to promote their upcoming television series ‘How Hard Can It Be?’, National Geographic built a functional replica of the ‘Up’ house to — get this — see how hard it could be. SOFT LOOKS PRETTY SOFT. …March 5 at dawn, National Geographic Channel and a team of scientists, engineers, and two world-class balloon pilots successfully launched a 16′ X 16′ house 18′ tall with 300 8′ colored weather balloons from a private airfield east of Los Angeles, and set a new world record for the largest balloon cluster flight ever attempted. The entire experimental aircraft was more than 10 stories high, reached an altitude of over 10,000 feet, and flew for approximately one hour. The filming of the event, from a private airstrip, will be part of a new National Geographic Channel series called How Hard Can it Be? , which will premiere in fall 2011. MYTHBUSTERS KNOCKOFF. And it only took eight years to come up with the idea! Smooth, National Geographic executives. And by smooth I mean rough, like wiping your ass with a handful of sand and gravel. That said, I’ll still watch it. And not just because I can only stand so much ginger facial hair and berets, but…actually that is mostly why. Plus it’s hard making room on my DVR with so much Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. Hit the jump for several more pictures and a video news report of the I believe I can fly in action.

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National Geographic Builds House From ‘Up’, Launches Into The Wild-Blue Yonder

Seen here looking suspiciously like your uncle, Youtube user jerimiahjw went and attached little keychain cameras to arrows and shot them into the wild blue yonder. He even took both rear-facing AND full-frontal shots, so you get to see it all ( hummina hummina! ). Plus he slowed down the footage in several scenes so you can appreciate the scenery. Suck it Robin Hood, Prince of Boring ! Next up: attaching cameras to bullets. “GW, that’s impossible”. Nothing’s impossible! “Yes, tons of things are impossible and that’s one of them.” Oh yeah? Well not in fantasy-land! “No such place”. LISTEN BUDDY, DON’T GO SHITTING ON FANTASY-LAND JUST BECAUSE YOUR LIFE SUCKS. *casts spell to make your ballsack shrink so tight you’re in constant pain* Hit the jump for the worthwhile footage.

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Video Camera Attached To Bow And Arrow

Ever wondered how a hummingbird pushes the air around while flying ? Me neither. I’ve always been preoccupied with where my next drink is coming from and whether or not if you jump right before a plummeting elevator hits the ground if you’ll survive. SPOILER: Nope (R.I.P. Dave). As this rufous hummingbird hovers, laser-illuminated olive oil droplets show the resulting wake and yellow vectors reveal air velocity. Uh, are you sure dousing a hummingbird in laser-illuminated olive oil was a good idea? I mean, from a culinary standpoint, absolutely, but it’s gonna take a lot more than one to sate my appetite! 80,000-piece McHummers and an orange Hi-C, please! Just kidding. You guys do know I’m vegetarian, right? Be sure to check out the New York Times article for a detailed article discussing the science of how birds fly. Flying Machines, Amazing at Any Angle [newyorktimes] via Image of the Day: hummingbird in flight [dvice]

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Air Velocity Surrounding A Flying Hummingbird Revealed Through Magic (Okay — Science)

If you haven’t seen this yet it’s a video of some folks that were hired by the city of Barcelona to help remove pigeons from the city and thus reduce the flying rat’s fecal impact on buildings and landmarks. And this is how they do it: with some sort of magic net-gun , possibly similar to this thing . Whatever it is, one thing’s for certain: Spiderman seriously blew his chance to make a little extra pocket-money. Didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU, PETER PARKER?! *SCREEEECH!* Haha, is, uh, is this thing on? Hit it for a very short video of the other other grayish-white meat.

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How To: Catch A Ton Of Pigeons. Or, Why Is There So Much Bird $#!7 Right Here?

I can barely sit in traffic for five minutes without screaming and threatening to kill everyone else around me, but nine days ? I’d nuke the entire damn planet . Shit, the moon too . What?! I’m not crapping in the backseat again! Thousands of vehicles were bogged down Monday in a more than 100-kilometre (62-mile) traffic jam leading to Beijing that has lasted nine days and highlights China’s growing road congestion woes. The Beijing-Tibet expressway slowed to a crawl on August 14 due to a spike in traffic by cargo-bearing heavy trucks heading to the capital, and compounded by road maintenance work that began five days later, the Global Times said. The state-run newspaper said the jam between Beijing and Jining city had given birth to a mini-economy with local merchants capitalising on the stranded drivers’ predicament by selling them water and food at inflated prices. No lie: I’d rather do anything than sit in traffic. Including dying . “But GW, it’s just traffic — is it really worth losing your life over?” Yes, it 100% is. “Then, uh, why the hell did you move to LA?” Listen — enough with the questions, smart-ass! China’s nine-day traffic jam stretches 100km [yahoonews] Thanks to Jane, pomeberry and Mikel, who have all rolled out of moving cars before to avoid traffic jams. Impressive!

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OMG — I’d Be Road Raging My Face Off!: Beijing’s Nine-Day, 62-Mile Traffic Jam

I know all about Greek mythology because I’ve played through the entire God of War series twice, so I’m practically an expert. Sometimes the producers of Jeopardy even call me to make sure they’ve got their facts right. Having Alex Trebek’s home phone number on speed dial aside, Herpes was the Greek messenger of the gods and wore a pair of sweet-ass winged shoes . Me? I prefer flip-flops. Designed by Jeremy Scott, these ‘Wings 2.0′ will be available from the Adidas online store beginning August 10th. Which, I don’t know if you remember or not, is two days before my birthday. AND I WANT THESE SHOES. I believe I can fly I believe I can jump clear over this guy Think about it every night and day Spread my wing shoes and uh-oh — Not flying as high as I would have hoped BOOM — face-full of crotch! Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the flying shoes.

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I Believe I Can Fly: Adidas Hermes Hightops

Remember the Terrafugia Transition ? The $194K street-legal car that can turn into a plane ? Well it just got Federal Aviation Administration approval for use in the US. Whee! People will be flying into shit before you know it. The Transition was designed as a “light sport” aircraft, the smallest kind of private aeroplane under FAA classification, with a maximum weight of 1,320lb. But the manufacturers found it impossible to fit the safety features - airbags, crumple zones and roll cage, for instance - that are required for road vehicles into that weight. Uniquely, however, the FAA has granted the Transition an exemption - allowing it to be classified as a light sport aircraft despite being 120lb over the limit. Light sport aircraft licences require just 20 hours’ flying time, making them much easier to obtain than full private licences. No airbags, crumple zone or roll cage and it only takes 20 flying hours to get your license — what would possibly go wrong? A : You buzz my house and I shoot you down with a rocket launcher. Hit the jump for several more shots of the Transformer, including one with a t-rex (seriously).

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I Believe I Can Fly, I Believe I Can Touch The Sky: Terrafugia Flying Car Gets FAA Approval

This is a shot of a Boeing F/A-18E/F Super Hornet returning from a trip through space and time . Sure you could argue those are just vapor trails, but you’d sound like an idiot and nobody will ever take you seriously again. Not that we do now anyways. Just sayin’, remember the time you tried to argue there’s an internet post office for sorting email? Okay so you were right about that one. Hit the jump for a second shot taken shortly after. Like, super-shortly after. I’m talking fractions of a second.

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Vapor Trails My Ass, That’s A Time Machine!

Note: Video is after the jump because I’d prefer all the shitted-pants on the second page for easier cleanup. Q : What’s cooler than an autonomous quadrocopter that can fly through windows and perch on vertical surfaces? A : Everything, including drowning. We don’t know whether we should be terrified or overjoyed. We’ve just come across a video demo from the University of Pennsylvania’s GRASP Lab that shows an autonomous quadrotor helicopter performing “precise aggressive maneuvers.” You’ve got to watch the video to see just how amazingly this thing moves, it’s 100% terrifying. And speaking of terrifying: my face in the mirror when I woke up this morning. Joking — I’M THE FAIREST BITCH THIS SIDE OF FAIRYTALE LAND. Suck it, Snow White! … … Haha, what do you mean, “after all the dwarfs”? Hit it for the aerial acrobatics.

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Autonomous Quadrocopter Can Fly Through Windows, Perch, Murder You In Your Sleep