Snakes on a plane? Because the worst f***ing ideas are usually the ones to see the light of day (see: nine out of ten recent movies ), low-cost/comfort/convenience airline Ryanair is not only considering removing the bathrooms from its planes for extra seating, but offering hardcore p0rn straight to handheld devices. “Pfft — just give me a Wi-Fi connection and I’ll show you the worst!” You know, it’s scary to me how quickly you thought of that. Obviously, since TV screens in the backs of seats would be a nice perk, you won’t find them anywhere on Ryanair planes. So where’s the porn go? On handheld devices, which seems a little counter-productive. The idea is that you’d log in to some sort of Ryanair app, which would offer you a tasteful selection of games, movies, gambling, or hardcore pornography. As Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary puts it, “Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn’t we?” No, there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t have it, Michael. For starters, there are the children to consider. For enders, there’s the fat guy sitting next to me WHO’S MASTURBATING WHILE OUR THIGHS ARE TOUCHING. A friend told me that makes me gay, Michael. Ryanair to get slightly less terrible thanks to in-flight porn [dvice] Thanks to Logan, who agrees anyone with a visible boner during a flight should be considered a terrorist and dealt with accordingly.

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1-Man Mile High Club: Airline To Offer In-Flight P0rn

Go to Google, type in ‘do a barrel roll’. The page barrel rolls. This isn’t rocket surgery, folks. Google and Google (this one should auto-roll for you) Thanks to Tarkin, Boogie Jon and bb, who don’t use Google for anything but reading the autofill responses when they’re bored. That…wow, that’s some serious f***ing boredom.

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Wheeeeee!: Google’s ‘Do A Barrel Roll’ Trick

This is a video of a Boeing 767 making an emergency landing in Warsaw after its landing gear failed to deploy. There were 230 people on board , but nobody was injured. Soaked in shit and piss, yes. It appears the Polish Lot aircraft, en route from New York, circled the city to burn up fuel and allow emergency crews to gather in preparation for the landing. Hey — how many Polish pilots does it take to land an airplane? Polish pilots — that’ll be the day! But seriously, sweet-ass landing. I actually have a spoon that looks like a little airplane and I can’t even get a spoonful of beans & weenies in my mouth without poking an eye. Hit the jump for the I’ve experienced rougher landings WITH landing gear.

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Boeing 767 Emergency Landing Sans Wheels

Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus , a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal* The virus, first reported by Wired magazine’s defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots’ every keystroke as they carry out their missions. “Military network security specialists aren’t sure whether the virus and its so-called ‘keylogger’ payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks,” the article says. “The specialists don’t know exactly how far the virus has spread.” Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: “Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas.” “Meh, they got a virus — no biggie.” NO BIGGIE?! That’s like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch . Don’t forget to pack them, parents — it’s the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn’t make them breakfast either. Combat drones’ computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes] Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I’d serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates’ Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG — CLASSIC!

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This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

Seen here soliciting a wave from a young passenger, a member of a Paris airport’s holographic staff welcomes flyers aboard their flight . GOOD — I hate those real workers. *stuffing little brother in suitcase* In Paris, one major airport is piloting a test program that replaces gate workers with holographic projections that look just like the real thing — and they don’t ever seem frustrated about that extra carry-on you tried to sneak on board. When it’s nearly time to bust out your boarding pass, a living, breathing boarding agent can push a button to fire up the holograms, which then do part of the work, welcoming passengers and providing information about the status of the flight. The projections, which are beamed onto a human-shaped piece of plexiglass, look and sound like the real thing. No word if the holographic workers are permitted to grant free first-class upgrades, but you better believe I’m gonna drunkenly yell at one until it does. Hit the jump for a video demo.

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Dammit Jem, I Said I Wanted An Aisle Seat!: Holographic Airline Staff

The University of Pennsylvania’s GRASP Lab , in an attempt to subdue me so I don’t bulldoze their building down, has posted a one minute video of their autonomous quadrocopters crashing into each other and all around failing at robotic life. I found it, dare I say, humorous? “There’s nothing funny about robots, GW — you taught me that.” I did, and that was just a test to make sure you hadn’t forgotten. You keep it up and you’re on track to become a lieutenant in my anti-robotics army. “Really?!” F*** no, you’re laser-fodder and you know it. It is your density. Now make like a tree and get outta here. Hit the jump for a minute of high-flying fail.

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One Minute Of Quadrocopter Crash & Burns

Does anybody else think ‘areola’ when they hear ‘ aurora ‘? No — just me? Must be my medical background. Kidding, total nipple lover. This is a worthwhile two-minute time-lapse of a guy’s flight from San Francisco to Paris COMPLETE WITH AURORA BOREALIS . Which, fun fact: isn’t an angel lighting farts like my Sunday School teacher taught us. I shot a photo roughly every two miles between take-off in San Francisco and landing in Paris CDG to make this airplane time lapse. Shot with a 5d2, a time-lapse controller, and a 16mm - 35mm, mixed with some iPhone shots. The photos during take-off and landing are all computer models and totally rendered because I would never use an electronic device during times when the FAA prohibits them. I did get lucky and have a whole row to myself to setup the tripod and gear. Thanks to my neighbors for not minding an SLR click every 2 to 30 seconds for 11 hours, and thanks to the whole Air France flight crew for being insanely friendly and allowing me to shoot. Whoa whoa whoa — using a electronic device during takeoff and landing?! Somebody has a death wish! I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the — OMG THAT GUY’S USING A CAMERA DURING TAKEOFF — WE’RE ALL F***ING DEAD! Could a camera really make a plane crash anyway? Because they should probably consider updating airplane instrument technology if it can. Unless I stand a chance of crash-landing on the LOST island, in which case *stuffing Nikon down pants* I’M COMING, JACOB! Hit the jump for the video.

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Now With More Aurora Borealis: Time-Lapse Of Flight From San Francisco To Paris In 2-Min

I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the — nope, dude shot me right at a f***ing wall. This is the fan-made trailer for a make-believe Angry Birds war movie. It was created by the same folks that brought us the 8-Bit Interview video posted awhile back but that probably means jackshit to you because you don’t even hit the jump to watch things. You just scroll down the page in three seconds hoping for something Pokmon to catch your eye and if so 1. comment without reading anything and then it’s 2. back to scouring websites for pics of the most scantily-clad women you think you can get away with at work. Haha, do I know you or what? I don’t, I just have a spy-cam in your wall clock. YOU STEAL PEOPLES’ LUNCHES! Hit the jump for 2:16 you’ll never get back.

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Angry Birds As Iffy Live-Action War Movie

You know that movie ‘ Up ‘ by Pixar? The one about the crotchety old man and chubby boyscout ? Yeah, I haven’t actually seen it (somebody said it’d be too sad for me AND I’M DELICATE LIKE EXPLOSIVE GEL). Well, to promote their upcoming television series ‘How Hard Can It Be?’, National Geographic built a functional replica of the ‘Up’ house to — get this — see how hard it could be. SOFT LOOKS PRETTY SOFT. …March 5 at dawn, National Geographic Channel and a team of scientists, engineers, and two world-class balloon pilots successfully launched a 16′ X 16′ house 18′ tall with 300 8′ colored weather balloons from a private airfield east of Los Angeles, and set a new world record for the largest balloon cluster flight ever attempted. The entire experimental aircraft was more than 10 stories high, reached an altitude of over 10,000 feet, and flew for approximately one hour. The filming of the event, from a private airstrip, will be part of a new National Geographic Channel series called How Hard Can it Be? , which will premiere in fall 2011. MYTHBUSTERS KNOCKOFF. And it only took eight years to come up with the idea! Smooth, National Geographic executives. And by smooth I mean rough, like wiping your ass with a handful of sand and gravel. That said, I’ll still watch it. And not just because I can only stand so much ginger facial hair and berets, but…actually that is mostly why. Plus it’s hard making room on my DVR with so much Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. Hit the jump for several more pictures and a video news report of the I believe I can fly in action.

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National Geographic Builds House From ‘Up’, Launches Into The Wild-Blue Yonder

Seen here looking suspiciously like your uncle, Youtube user jerimiahjw went and attached little keychain cameras to arrows and shot them into the wild blue yonder. He even took both rear-facing AND full-frontal shots, so you get to see it all ( hummina hummina! ). Plus he slowed down the footage in several scenes so you can appreciate the scenery. Suck it Robin Hood, Prince of Boring ! Next up: attaching cameras to bullets. “GW, that’s impossible”. Nothing’s impossible! “Yes, tons of things are impossible and that’s one of them.” Oh yeah? Well not in fantasy-land! “No such place”. LISTEN BUDDY, DON’T GO SHITTING ON FANTASY-LAND JUST BECAUSE YOUR LIFE SUCKS. *casts spell to make your ballsack shrink so tight you’re in constant pain* Hit the jump for the worthwhile footage.

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Video Camera Attached To Bow And Arrow