This is the Pyro Board, a tabletop filled with flammable gas and soundwaves being pumped through it. Depending on the frequency, the table makes different flame patterns. No word if playing death metal with produce a pentagram and burn your house to the ground, but if I hear any Katie Parry coming out of that thing I’ll send a Molotov cocktail through a window and do it my got-damn self. And — AND — show zero zero remorse afterward . “Hey GW, don’t you feel bad about that time you burnt th…” NOPE, do it again in a heartbeat. Hit the jump for the fiery performance.

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Playing (Music) With Fire: The Pyro Board

Did you know blowing out a candle makes ‘lil rainbows in the smoke? Of course you did, they probably teach this shit in schools now. When I was in school we didn’t learn anything about rainbows except RON J BIZ or whatever. Sea Moon’s (Grover Schrayer’s) Flickr (with a ton more crazy macro shots) via The Rainbow Fringe Of An Extinguished Flame [buzzfeed] Thanks to Erik, who once put a candle out by clogging one nostril and sucking really hard with the other one. You’re sick.

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Blowing Out A Candle Makes Rainbows Appears

The FPSRussia guy is back, this time shooting a rooty tooty fresh’n fruity fully automatic 40mm machine gun. On a 1-to-10 scale of pews , this thing is like a 14. Which, not to brag or anything, is the same age I saw my first tit . Sure it was scrambled on Cinemax and I’m pretty sure the kid whose slumber party I was at was masturbating in his sleeping bag, but hey — as long as he was staring at one of our other friends and not me IT’S ALL PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW IN MY BOOK, BABY. Hit the jump for the gun in action, then hit the link to his Youtube channel for like forty billion other gun demos.

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MEGA PEWS, MEGA’ER FUN: FPSRussia Guy Shooting Fully Auto 40mm Machine Gun

Pouring gas in a Super Soaker and adding a flame to the nozzle isn’t actually a new idea by any means, but it’s still fun to watch. Especially when it was lovingly constructed by Geekologie Readers. *sniff* Sorry, I’m getting a little choked up. You guys just make me so damn proud depressed. The other day one of my friends told me to come over, saying he wanted to show me “something awesome”. What he was making was a wategun full of kerosene with a birthay candle attached to a wire at the front. None of us died and it worked alot better than we thought it would. No deaths?! Pfft, and your friend had the gall to claim it was “something awesome”? That’s crying wolf if I’ve ever heard wolf cried! Also, how are you gonna explain the blackened garden shed to your mom when she gets home? Not to mention that poor plant you set ablaze. There was still a little life left in that thing and you took it away *beating on kid’s chest* YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY! Hit the jump for a 1:00 flamin’ hot demo. Great, now I want Cheetos.

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Only The Best And Brightest Here: Geekologie Reader Helps Makes Watergun Flamethrower

If you’ve never heard of Minecraft it’s a little (per Wikipedia ) “sandbox game which allows players to build constructions out of textured cubes in a 3D world.” I know, I thought it looked like Wolfenstein 3-D too. Anyway, this is a tutorial on how to build a fireplace in your Minecraft home. Except not really because Captain Firehazard here ends up burning his place to the ground. It’s worth a watch for the commentary alone. Not unlike Dancing with the Stars . That little flamboyant guy cracks my shit up! The old one too! The girl not so much. Hit the jump for the worthwhile video, fire action starts at 1:10.

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How Not To Build A Fireplace In Minecraft

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to attempt stealing holy gas from a church van. Only problem is, Jesus wasn’t having it . BURN HEATHEN, BUUUUURN! Blake King, 24, was reported in stable condition Wednesday in Vanderbilt University Hospital’s Burn Center. Evansville police report King was burned as he was using a cordless drill to drill into the gas tank of a 2001 Chevrolet van on the lot of Abundant Faith Church, 1228 Lodge Ave. Something sparked, according to the police report, catching the van on fire and burning King . The fire leaves the church without one of its two vans, which was supposed to help transport youth members to St. Louis this weekend. Officers arrived and found King, who told them he was burned when he stopped at 1228 Lodge Ave. to help another man who was on fire. Firefighters and fire investigators found a cordless drill next to the van. LOLWUT — cordless drilling a gas tank?!?! Let’s say you somehow managed to not set your dumbass on fire, what were you gonna do when the gas started flowing? Catch it in your mouth and spit it into a bucket? Okay that’s actually pretty good. Police: Man caught self on fire trying to steal gas from church van [courierpress] Thanks to Dakota, who tried electric drilling a dairy truck once and ended up with nothing but a milk mustache. I’m not gonna lie, you look handsome.

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Man Attempts Gas Theft From Church Van, Sets Himself, Van Ablaze

Earth, wind and fire tornadoes . This is what the apocalypse looks like. “Oh really? Then where are all the make-believe killer robots you’re always crying about, GW?” Above, you dumbass! A ‘fire tornado’ has been caught on camera in the Brazilian municipality of Aracatuba, caused by strong, dry winds that fanned wildfires. A whirlwind of flames spiralling several metres high danced across fields, bringing traffic to a halt on a nearby road, before it disappeared. The phenomenon followed weeks of drought which have sparked brush fires across the country. I mean fire tornadoes seem pretty cool and all, but you know what would be even cooler? Fire taquitos . BOOM — an hour later I’m making my own fire tornadoes to battle Poseidon’s toilet-bowl whirlpools. Who will win? Not whoever has to use the bathroom next, that’s for sure! Because they’re definitely losing. Brain cells, motor skills, you name it. Hit the jump for a short video of the apocalypse in action.

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Toto, I Don’t Think We’re In Kansas Anymore I’m Pretty Sure We’re In Hell: Fire Tornadoes

Setting things on fire : it’s what separates man from lesser forms of life like fish and children . And what better way to celebrate humanity than setting fire an old iPhone ablaze with a giant magnifying glass (actually a Fresnel lens)? I can’t think of any. Also, I would have huffed every last wisp of those tasty looking fumes . Then, oh I don’t know, DECIMATED THE NEIGHBORHOOD’S ANT POPULATION! Oooooor set my penis on fire pretending it was a death ray (it’s happened before is the thing). Hit it for the fire in the iHole.

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Burn, Baby, BUUUUUUUURN!: Setting An iPhone On Fire With A Giant Magnifying Glass

Note: Video is after the jump because I don’t want your crotch to catch fire on the front page. Wait — yes, yes I do. Yes I know what tea-lights are! Does that make me gay? No, lovin’ on another man’s booty would make me gay. Knowing what tea-lights are just makes me appreciative of their romantic , flickering ambiance. I like to light a couple dozen around an aromatic bubble bath and mmmm , what a sensual treat! Then I unrobe and slip into the tub with another man. And THAT’S when things get gay. All I can say is ..this took over 2 weeks to do. A lot of fire, A lot of smoke, a lot of heat, and a whole lot of frustration. Sounds like my sex life. HIYO! No it really does though. Hit it for the fiery video.

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Cool Stop-Motion Video Made With Tea-Lights