This is a terrible, butt-ass quality video of two kids duking it out in taekwondo set to the Mortal Kombat movie theme . It…will probably be the best thing you see all day. Plus Sub Zero there in the blue keeps throwing this reverse kick at Scorpion that will blow your f***ing mind. God knows I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that thing. Hit the jump for so much hopping around you’d swear they were doing the peepee dance.

Excerpt from:
BABALITY!: Little Kids Taekwondo Mortal Kombat Fight

Hell no I’m not giving you a high-five — and put those titties away, gramma! This is a video of Carrie Fisher looking more like a f***ing alien than Princess Leia (is that rhinestone eyeshadow?!) responding to William Shatner’s video about how much better Star Trek is than Star Wars in a feeble attempt to stay relevant. I hope you know I’m being honest when I say it sucks so hard I couldn’t finish watching it. Hit the jump and be stupider because of it.

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You…Are A Crazy Person: Carrie Fisher Talking About How Much Better Star Wars Is Than Star Trek

This is a video of a praying mantis ( Idolomantis Diabolica — the Devil’s Flower Mantis) showing off his ninja-ing skills on some dude’s thumb . Honestly, I can’t even believe this thing exists in real life. Of course I said the same thing about Double-Stuffed Oreos , and yet there they are, soaking at the bottom of my milk glass. Hit the jump for the what you get when an insect LITERALLY pollinates a flower.

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Ninja Praying Mantis Battling A Guy’s Thumb

Note: This is only half the chart. Click HERE to see the whole thing because God forbid you a-holes take the moral high road. This is a flowchart of how to respond when you find yourself upset on the internet . Me? I’m an ignorer. But there are plenty of people who shoot straight for the bottom of the barrel. And you know what we call those people? Mother, father, brother, sister, roommate, friend — everyone’s guilty of that shit. Except me. I don’t have time to troll on the internet. You know why? Because I’m better than that it would cut into my nap time. You know what they say, “sticks and stones may break your bones but nobody gives a shit about your stupid internet rant”. Unhurtful words to live by, my share-happy Facebook friends. So you’re MAD about something on the Internet… [notquitewrong] Thanks to CB, who settles internet disputes the old fashioned way: backtracing your IP and showing up to your house with a musket. And to Bender, who settles internet disputes the future way: with telepathic brain lasers.

Follow this link:
So You’re Mad On The Internet, A Flowchart

WARNING: Videos after the jump will 100% prevent you from ever looking at Batman the same again. Some jerk-off tourist, clearly pissed Batman’s grappling hook turned out to be a hairbrush tied to a ball of yarn, decided to beat the shit out of the masked crusader on a street-corner in Las Vegas . It, uh, gets pretty brutal. Luckily, the first video I embedded after the jump has comical ‘BIFF!’, ‘POW!’ and ‘SLAM!’ effects added to make it more tolerable. The whole, unedited (and much sadder) video follows, which may or may yes included Gotham’s greatest hero grabbing his Batpeen and telling the villain to “suck his m’er f’in d”. Daaaaaaamn Bruce — Robin’s gonna be jealous as a mofro! Hit the jump for a whole bunch of superhero sadness.

Originally posted here:
Batman Gets His Ass Handed To Him In Vegas

This is a rap battle between Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking . It was surprisingly well made (I don’t expect anything to be well made anymore). The only thing I didn’t like was Einstein talking so much smack on my man Hawking for his disability. Low blows, especially coming from the man with a theory of relative-ity. RELATIVE-ITY, get it? HE MARRIED A F***ING COUSIN! A first one. NOT SMART! (Hawking FTW) Hit the jump for angsty scientists trying to tell each other off.

See more here:
Historic Rap Battles: Einstein Vs. Hawking

7:30, guys, really? Isn’t it a little early for an all-out battle? Daddy needs his coffee and some bathroom time. This is a video from a recent episode of the Japanese equivalent of Power Rangers that quite possibly features every single Power Ranger in battle at the same time. Pfft, I’m pretty sure the original six could have handled it alone. Just sayin’, Zordon, it wouldn’t kill you to take a course in supply chain management before sending out the whole crew again. In this scene from the Japanese tokusatsu show Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger (which premiered last month in Japan), a battle erupts between some bad guys and what appears to be every Super Sentai (a.k.a. “Power Rangers” stateside) hero ever created. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like pulling out all the stops and having an every-ranger-ever battle in the first month of a show’s premier is a little excessive. You gotta save that shit for when ratings are slumpin’, yo! How could you possibly live up to a Power Ranger Battle Royale in the first month? “Uh, by replaying the same footage in a different context every couple weeks?” Touch, Rainbow Ranger — now touch my butt. Hit the jump for two minutes of spandex-clad spazzes running around waving their arms like idiots.

More here:
POW-POW-POWER WHEELS! RANGERS: Every Ranger In Battle At The Same Time

Remember the Street Fighter IV ultra combos video from a couple weeks ago? Pretty awesome, right? Yeah, TOO BAD IT WAS A TOTAL SAUSAGE LUNCHEON. So to make up for all the man-meat, the creators decided to shoot another video featuring ladies bringing the pain to a bunch of goofuses. How these dudes even got in the Street Fighting league is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with having a rich uncle alumni. Which, fun fact, is the only way half our youth is going to get into college after filling out their entrance essays in text-talk. Just watch, in twenty years there won’t even be any new scientists. Strippers and cheap laborers, yes. “I’m cool with that.” Oh I know you are, buddy. “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” HA! You do realize you just admitted you’re still a one-off, right? Hit the jump for the femme fatales in action.

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Street Fighter Ultra Combos: Now With Ladies

Note: Full-size flyer for the conference HERE . Reserve early for a free rosary! Galileo was a hack and the Catholic church knows it. Your ” science ” can’t fool us you dead, dirty magician ! Admit it — admit you were wrong and the church was right! Me? I’m left. Dumbfounded. Galileo was wrong - Earth is the center of the universe [boingboing] via galileo was wrong, stop the press, don’t bother going to school [technabob]

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Galileo Was Wrong, The Church Was Right

Because geeks like arguing about things to show off their intellectual superiority (think nerdy peacocks), here’s a visual guide to lightsabers so you can prove you’re right when arguing with a fellow Star Warser at the bar over a cold Mountain Dew . That’s cool and all, but you want to know how to instantly win any lightsaber argument at the bar? Shatter a f***ing stool over your friend’s head. BOOM! Not only did you just win the fight, you sent your friend to the hospital where he’ll have plenty of time to contemplate the error of his ways. You know, or plot revenge.* *Geekologie not responsible for your murder. Lightsaber Chart Will Spark Endless Fights Over Who Bagsies Which ‘Saber [gizmodo]

Link:
I Want Purple!: A Visual Guide To Lightsabers