Oh shi-shi. I love how in the video he keeps grabbing where it used to be like a new one’s gonna magically appear or something. Because, SPOILER: it’s not going to. Just like starfish tentacles, steering wheels do not grow back. “But GW — starfish tentacles do grow back.” Oh really? Then why didn’t this one? “That’s your penis.” Ahhhhhhhhh. I’ve heard a lot about these things. Hit the jump for the short but comical video.

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Steering Wheel Breaks Off During Drag Race

Faced with the problem of long charge times for electric vehicles vs. the immediacy of pumping gas , lab-coated, taped-glasses scientists at MIT have developed an electric power “goo” that can be pumped into electric cars for an immediate charge. Me? Two boner pills and a beer. They’re calling this black sludge “Cambridge crude,” and it’s really two different types of goo, each holding charged particles suspended in semi-liquid electrolyte, sort of like how quicksand is comprised of sand particles suspended in water. There’s anode goo, and there’s cathode goo, and when the two goos are separated by a goo-separating membrane, charge moves from one goo over to the other goo, generating current to power your car. When all the charge has been used up, you can pull over to a goo station, which will suck out your used goo and pump new goo back in. Or, when you get home, you can plug your car into a wall socket and recharge your goo that way. So it’s like having all the advantages of being able to pump gas, with the added advantage of being able to fill up at home, too. Admittedly this is great news for green vehicles, but my only concern is this: I’m gonna need it to smell like gasoline. You see — I’m all for cleaner power, but I’m also into fumes. And can you blame me? You can’t. For putting that dent in your fender pulling out of the gas station? Maybe. Battery goo is like gas for electric cars, but better [dvice] Thanks to dylan, who has a Mr. Fusion system and doesn’t give a shit.

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Battery Goo: ‘Pumpable’ Electric Car Power

Seen here in a GW rendition of what the chip probably looks like, Scottish scientists have built a 1,000-core processor that’s 20x faster than those currently on the market, and uses LESS power. Don’t tell Tim “The Toolman” Taylor! Dr. Wim Vanderbauwhede led a research team at the University of Glasgow to create the futuristic processor using a programmable chip called a field programmable gate array (FPGA). Instead of the built-in circuitry of conventional desktop computer chips, these processors can be customized. So with some extremely clever programming, the research team was able to divide the processor into 1,000 cores, each capable of its own computation. To give you some perspective, the fastest consumer processors such as Intel’s Core i7 top out at six cores. According to the Daily Mail, the 1,000-core processor processes 5 gigabytes data per second, and that’s “20 times faster than modern computers.” I’m all for faster computer chips, I just don’t know why they quit at 1,000 cores. STOP HOLDING OUT! I want some million-core chips and I want them now! But I will settle for a bag of store-brand Doritos. Get it? Chip joke! Also, I heard he gave Monty a reach-around in the back of their helicopter . Rescue Rangers FTW WTF! 1,000-Core Chip Could Make PCs 20 Times Faster [mashable] Thanks to Shenanigans, who, exactly — shenanigans.

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Scientists Build 1,000 Core Processor, Claim It’s 20 Times Faster Than Current Models

This is a video of the Ferrari F-1 roller coaster in Abu Dhabi. It does 0 to 62 in two seconds and tops out at 150MPH. Impressive, Ferrari roller coaster , but I’ve gone faster. On a bike . Sure it was in a dream and the bike also flew like the one in E.T., but I’ll be damned if any bug-eyed alien is riding in my bike-basket. And that, my friends, is why I just scattered a big bag of Reece’s Pieces in the middle of the highway. Haha, have fun trying to phone home from the grill of a semi, you extra terresturd! Hit the jump for 2:00 of pant-filling action.

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Vomit Comet: World’s Fastest Roller Coaster

Seen here demonstrating how Power Wheels are made, this is the The Shadow Hawk Street Hawk: coming soon to my driveway elevator garage . Okay maybe not. But only because I could never part with the Tercel. The Street Hawk is the first vehicle with 46 inches of independent wheel travel without camber or caster compromise. The ride height or ground clearance is adjustable from zero to 44 inches while in motion. The Street Hawk has 1,100 horsepower, 1,805 foot pounds of torque and has a highway estimated 22mpg. The vehicle is all-wheel-drive with 40 inch tall, 15.5 inch wide tires and 22 inch wheels. The air suspended seats are hand crafter to the driver’s specific proportions. From the driver’s seat you can control the vehicles pitch, roll and overall ride height using D-pad controls beneath your fingertips. The Street Hawk is the best on-road performing Shadow Hawk. With an overall weight of 4,800 pounds, the Street Hawk can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 3.5 seconds and has a calculated top speed of 208mph . The vehicle uses an innovative actijavascript:void(0);ve suspension system that leans into corners and maintains the ideal camber and caster geometry throughout operation. Production is set at 12 units per year with the first vehicle available in late 2011. I want one. No, I NEED one. And they start at only $1.2 million. I’m gonna buy all of next year’s production! In my dreams. And speaking of my dreams: I had one last night where I was making out with a werewolf (I blame Twilight ). So yeah, what’s that mean? And, completely unrelated, any idea why my dog’s been hiding under the bed all day? Must be sick. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures.

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DO WANT: Street Hawk Urban Assault Vehicle

The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid , everyone will tell you it was just a manatee. Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn’t float your boat, it’ll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds. Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don’t want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that’s just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad. Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).

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Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea

First of all, I bet on baby races all the time ($40 on the bald one with a dirty diaper). And secondly, Kajus Auk?ionis recently won a Lithuanian baby race and is a super fast crawler . Not as fast as me, but I have a special skill set. But what gets young Kajus crawling so fast? Laptops . The little haxor loves those things and bolts to them whenever he sees one. It’s true, I heard one time he shat through his diaper in Best Buy he was so excited. Lithuanian Baby Racing Champion Mired In Performance-Enhancing Laptop Scandal [gizmodo] Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who may or may not have fallen asleep at the keyboard.

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Winner Of Baby Race Crawls For Laptop

This is by far one of the coolest videos I’ve seen in awhile. In it, the Mythbusters attempt to fuse metal and pancake a compact car using a rocket-sled traveling at 650MPH. The results are….amazing. And why I don’t drive. With a license. Youtube Thanks to snipmint, who once rode a rocket to the moon and didn’t bother to bring me back any cheese. Just sayin’, kind of a dick move.

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Trying To Pancake A Car With A Rocket Sled