Etsy seller SurvivorGeek makes paracord belts and straps like this one. One minute, it’s a stylish way to hold up your pants, but if you pull the tab and unravel it, it turns into 550 80 feet of paracord for “survival situations” (so long as those situations don’t demand that you be wearing pants, I suppose). Available in Black, Coyote Tan and Olive Drab. 550 Paracord Survival Belt - Black with Buckle ( via Craft )

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Paracord belt unravels into 80′ of survival cord

I thought the whole one ring quote in the title was kind of appropriate because it’s finger art . And where do you wear rings? “I’ve got one stuck on my penis and I’m freaking out!” HA — been there, done that. Just think about Gollum until you’re limp then slip it off. These are some custom fingernail paintings by DeviantARTist Undomiele entitled ‘Enter Mordor’. At first I thought they were just digital, but there’s a video of her actually painting them after the jump. Granted you probably shouldn’t watch it because it’s entirely out of focus, but it is there for you nonbelievers. Me? I’m here for you true believers. Now on the count of three I want you to all drink your Kool-Aid. Hit the jump for the video if you’re interested. WARNING: Mostly out of focus.

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One Ring To Rule Them All: ‘Enter Mordor’ Finger Art

Amazing to think these earrings that dangled special scratch-resistant 45RPM singles from your earlobes never caught on. From the “Now, Why Didn’t I Think Of That?” Department

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Earrings made of 45s

MadPax does a line of cool kids’ backpacks covered in soft spikes, available in vibrant colors (I like the safety orange ) as well as textured, lizardlike fabrics. MadPax Online Store ( Thanks, Cynthia! )

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Saurian spiky backpacks

Seen here making a giant Spongebob costume, 28-year-old German biochemist/fashion designer Anke Domaske pretends to measure something while an older lady dozes off behind her. Anke recently won an innovation award from the German Textile Research Association (how prestigious!) for Qmilch, a new hypoallergenic fabric made from sour milk . No word if it’ll kill those who’re lactose intolerant. Domaske concedes that at euro20 ($28) per kilogram (1/2 pound), her fabric costs more to produce than even organic cotton, which goes for about 40 percent less. But she hopes local production will keep down transport costs and reduce the overall price. She also notes that only 2 liters (a half gallon) of water is needed to produce 1 kilogram (2 pounds) of fabric, or enough to make several standard dresses. By comparison, the same amount of cotton requires more than 10,000 liters of water. Not gonna lie, I’m a pretty messy eater so I do wind up wearing a lot of my food. Just…not like this. “There’s spaghetti on your shirt.” I know — there’s some in my pants too. “WITH meatballs?” Wow, can you even open your mouth without something perverted falling out? “Look who’s talking!” Hey I just type them, there’s a difference. Milk does a body good _ even when worn [yahoo] Thanks to Mike and Melissa, who both got orange juice pajamas for Christmas one year.

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Strong Bones, Sexy Dresses: Fabric Made From Milk

Guy: I AM Ezio Auditore. Girl: I’m smexy! Is Monteriggioni like macaroni? When you get right down to, there are very few things I need in the world. The love of a lady with knockers bigger than mine (shit, or smaller — just no penis) and a cool $10-million and I’d be set. That’s only two things — come on Santa! You fat f*** . But the list of things I want , that thing goes on for miles. Nautical ones (they’re a little longer!). Aaaaaaand includes this $55 ‘Monteriggioni’ Assassin’s Creed hoodie . I actually see a lot of Ezio in myself, you know? Plus every time I walk into a room I visualize how I’d silently stab every one of them without anyone else noticing? Because I do that. Jk jk, but one time I did bust ass and then hold the door closed. *leap-of-faiths off cubicle divider* Hit the jump for closeups.

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WANT: Assassin’s Creed ‘Monteriggioni’ Hoodie

The day stiletto heel implants become reality is the day I’m slingshoting myself into the sun . And, knowing my luck, missing and winding up orbiting the solar system for all eternity. Remind me to pack cyanide capsules. Also: some really bright LEDs (I want children to be able to find me with a telescope). Hit the jump for one more shot of the you’ll never run again.

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For The Ladies: Conceptual Stiletto Implants

How do you like your back scratches ? If you answered, “until you can see the bones “, then these Predator rings by Danielle Nicole Hill may be for you. A set of five will set you back $900, but you can get a single for $200 if you’re just going for the cokehead look. *braaap!* Did you hear that? That was Lady Gaga shitting her holographic eagle costume in excited anticipation. Hit the jump for two more shots and a link to the product site although why I’m even bothering is beyond me.

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Get Away From Me: Predator Nail Finger Rings

This is a line of $20 magnetic nail polishes from Nails Inc. Gosh, I feel like such a sassy lil lady even talking nail polish with you girls! Basically it’s nail paint with iron powder in it (also great for anemic nail-biters) that a magnet can be used to make designs in while still wet. Sure you could just have a professional paint you some designs (or you could buy crackle polish!), but then what would we do when we’re all sitting around in our PJ’s talking about boys? OMG girls — what I wouldn’t do to give Magneto a HJ with this polish on, amirite?! Tehehehehehe! *wig falls off, girls screaming* CODE RED, MAGNETO — RENDEZVOUS AT THE SAFEHOUSE! Hit the jump for a video demonstration and link to product site.

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For The Ladies: Magnetic Fingernail Polish

Note: Larger version HERE if you’re convinced if the picture were just bigger you’d be able to see Opera’s panties grande finale . Ever wondered what Firefox, Opera, Internet Explorer, Chrome and Safari would look like as dresses? Yeah? WELL YOU NEED TO LAY OFF THE F***ING WEED AND GET A DAMN JOB. Please note: the dresses weren’t created to provide any social commentary about the browsers they’re based on, they’re just an exercise in design. Just like the ladies aren’t supposed to be representative of the typical user of a particular browser because, come on, a fiery redhead using Chrome? LOL, get real! Browseristas. Browsers as painted ladies. [reddit] via Anthropomorphized Web Browsers of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Mark, who agrees there should have been more dress-ripping catfight involved.

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What The?: Web Browsers As Lady’s Fashion