“Pfft, I could recognize a cannonball hole with my eyes closed.” Mythbusters , best known for never taking any of my suggestions, recently blasted a cannonball through somebody’s house and someone else’s minivan while shooting a segment at the Alemeda County Sheriff’s Department bomb disposal range on whether or not cannonballs can destroy things. SPOILER: Yes. Also, never buy a house near a bomb disposal range. The cantaloupe-sized cannonball missed the water [barrels], tore through a cinder-block wall, skipped off a hillside and flew some 700 yards east, right into the Tassajara Creek neighborhood, where children were returning home from school at 4:15 p.m., authorities said. There, the 6-inch projectile bounced in front of a home on quiet Cassata Place, ripped through the front door, raced up the stairs and blasted through a bedroom, where a man, woman and child slept through it all - only awakening because of plaster dust. It exited the house, leaving a perfectly round hole in the stucco, crossed six-lane Tassajara Road, took out several tiles from the roof of a home on Bellevue Circle and finally slammed into the Gill family’s beige Toyota Sienna minivan in a driveway on Springvale Drive. As hard as all of that is to believe, you know what the most shocking part was? That a family was asleep at 4:15 p.m. and didn’t wake up to a cannonball blasting through their house. Look out, Tassajara Creek neighborhood — sounds like you’ve got a vampire problem. Hit the jump for one more shot of the exit hole and another of the minivan.

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Mythbusters Stunt Goes Horribly Wrong, Shoots Cannonball Through Somebody’s House, Minivan

YouTube link [Tech Australia via Daring Fireball ]

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Create a meeting tomorrow at teen anal

If you haven’t already seen this, watch it. It’s a video of a guy riding a mechanical Yoshi trying to collect Mario coins on the side of the street. And, from the look of dude’s coin collecting abilities, it’s fairly obvious he stole the previous 89 from somebody else. Damn, have you ever considered collecting coins with a raccoon tail instead? “I have, I fell out of a tree and broke both arms.” Rough! “You’re telling me — I had to give up coin-collecting because the Mushroom Kingdom refused to make warp pipes handicapped accessible.” Okay now you’re depressing me. Hit the jump for the laughing at other people’s misfortune.

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How Not To Collect Mario Coins On A Moped

Guys: they’re always trying to hookup with the ladies . Me? I don’t have to try, I get enough . “Heeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeee.” UGH. Really, hand — in front of all my friends?! One more outburst like that and I’m gonna touch the oven. Enter a sad and lonely 19-year old Arizonian who met a girl online , then took a bus to Milwaukee to partake in a satanic threesome. It…ended poorly. Dude’s still alive though, so we can all have a laugh. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WTF were you thinking?! “I wasn’t, my penis was.” I know, that was meant to be rhetorical. …meet Rebecca Chandler (left) and Raven “Scarlett” Larrabee (right), the Milwaukee roommates who were arrested last week for allegedly binding our Arizonan friend (whom Chandler had met online) and stabbing and slashing him “in excess of 300″ times. According to Chandler, the sex and stabbing were both consensual, but “got out of hand” (at least, the stabbing did). Chandler also says that Larrabee did “the majority of” the cutting, and that Larrabee was “involved in satanic or occult activities”; in their apartment, the cops found a bunch of books that sounds like they were purchased at the local Hot Topic, including The Necromantic Ritual Book and The Werewolf’s Guide to Life (not to mention “[p]aperwork… described by police as the ‘7 Pentacles’ of planets). WOW. Did you even ask to see pictures before Greyhounding your ass to Wisconsin? Because if you did and they sent something similar to these AND YOU STILL WENT, well, you deserved everything that happened and shouldn’t be allowed to press charges. Just look at those faces, bro — of course they’re gonna f***ing stab you! Satanic Sex Ritual Threesome Not as Awesome as It Sounds [gawker] Thanks to SaraDevil, who — wait a minute…ARE YOU INTO THIS KINDA THING TOO?!

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Satanic Internet Hookup Gone Wrong (Or Right?)

This is a brief clip from the Fox 5 San Diego morning news (the same studio from this April Fools’ prank ) of a guy opening the show with one of those water-powered jetpacks . Unfortunately, he opted to not take the training course prior to operation and ends up crashing into the dock. Theeeeeeeen the entire news studio laughs at him. Needless to say, Captain Woopsie Daisy won’t be getting his water wings pin anytime soon. Hit the jump for the woopsie-daisy in action. Also, Kevin Jonas : when we get our hands on one of these things, you get to go first.

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HAHA!: Water Jetpack Morning News Fail

Because this is what happens . Plus you ruin a perfectly good backup condom . Or, in your case, balloon animal . “Whatever bro, I used to date a chick and one time we were getting so hot and heavy at Makeout Point we ended up using a Doritos bag. ” That…is not something I’d brag about. “What if I said it was a Pringles can?” Okay now you have my attention. Hit the jump for the ‘facial hair is overrated’ in action.

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Learning Valuable Lessons: Why You Don’t Ignite A Balloon Filled With Flammable Gas

Picture sadly unrelated: it was a regular-ass controller. A Florida man was arrested after attempting to rob a convenience store by pretending the Playstation controller in his pocket was a gun. *facepalm* You didn’t even have the wherewithal to use A NES Zapper?! He was arrested by a police officer who walked into the store in the middle of the robbery, police said. Pittman was suspected in an earlier robbery at a Subway restaurant. Police received a tip that Pittman might have been at the store, and so when the officer went inside, he caught Pittman in the middle of the act, police said. Police said Pittman dropped the remote and gave up. He is facing charges of strong-arm robbery and violation of probation. First of all, who the f*** robs a Subway? Secondly, who the f*** robs anything with a Playstation controller? There are at least two-hundred other things in my apartment I’d use as a surrogate firearm before grabbing my Playstation controller (Wiimote included). And not just because I’d be shit out of luck at Mass Effect 2 if something happens to it while I was out, but I’m gonna see some alien titties if its the last thing I do. Fine — third to last thing I do (pop boner, have heart attack). Police: Man tried to rob store with game remote [baynews9] Thanks to Bradley B, who once tried robbing a convenience store with telepathy but it worked so poorly he ended up paying for his chips & drink and leaving.

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Man Tries Robbing Convenience Store With Playstation Controller, Unsurprisingly Fails

This is a video of some annoying-ass girl who decides to wedge a little video camera between her buttcheeks and wander around LA (I can recognize The Grove!) to study if men stare at her ass. Which, UNSURPRISING SPOILER : they do. Womens too. Unfortunately, this chick obviously never passed Experimenting 101 in college because the camera was plainly visible , effectively negating any conclusions you could draw from the study. Is everyone staring at your ass because you have a nice ass or — OR — are they staring BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE SHITTING A F***ING WEBCAM?! The prosecution rests — ON HIS WAY DREAMIER TUSH! Hit the jump for the video and not be surprised. Use a camera on a studded belt or something next time — geez, this isn’t rocket surgery.

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Amateur Experimentation: Girl Attaches Video Cam To Ass To Study If Men Stare At Asses

You sunk my expectations. Hasbro, in an attempt to modernize some of their most popular board games , has deciding adding stupid electronic towers is the answer. Which, fun fact: it isn’t. I’m not gonna lie Hasbro , your R&D department be strugglin’. MORE RESEARCH, LESS DUMBSHIT! After “re-inventing” Monopoly with a 10-inch electronic tower, Hasbro is giving the classic game of Battleship a similar makeover — infrared tower and all. Just like Monopoly Live, the $50 Battleship Live uses an infrared light that cloaks the board to “see” what is going on. Players still use coordinates to sink their opponent’s ships, but with a few new features. There are now spy planes that can fly around a track and “snoop” on your opponent’s ships and to confirm your attack, you cover both of the “confirm” squares on the side of the board momentarily. SPY PLANES!! What. the. f***. I don’t remember any spy planes! What I do remember is moving my ships around so my opponent couldn’t find them. Call me a cheater, electronic tower, I dare you! Remember how the Eye of Sauron fell at the end of Lord of the Rings? Well your ass is going in the garbage disposal with a fistful of forks. TING-A-LING, TATTLETALE, TING-A-LING! Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the back-of-the-closet-space-taker-upper.

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First Monopoly, Now This: Battleship Gets Stupid Electronic ‘Eye Of Sauron’ Upgrade

Sad burglar is sad. Seen here looking like the sad idiot moron that he is, 25-year old stupid Cody Wilkins has been charged with a string of burglaries in Montgomery County, MD (MOCO FOR THE WIN — GO QO COUGARS!) after leaving his cell phone charging at a house he was robbing. Smooth, dipshit. As the burglar was rifling through the rooms in that house, the homeowner’s son arrived and startled him. The burglar jumped out a window and fled. The son called police, who searched the house. They were stunned at what was found: a cellphone, charging in an electric socket, that didn’t belong to the homeowner. The phone led police to Cody Wilkins, who is now charged in 10 burglaries. Police say that Wilkins’s home lost power in the storm and that he needed a place - anyplace, it seems - to charge his phone. In his haste to flee, he left it charging. Listen, I’m not promoting thievery of any kind, but if you’re gonna break in and steal something, it’s generally best not to bring anything that could be used to identify you. This goes for cell phones, fingerprints, passports, drivers licenses AND business cards. Or, if you live here in LA, headshots . SON OF A — I think I saw this asshat on NCIS last week! Man who left cellphone in Silver Spring house charged in 10 burglaries [washingtonpost] Thanks to ultrapony, who once robbed a house and didn’t leave anything but a toilet full of pony urine without flushing. You nasty, ultra, I bet it stunk!

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You Can’t Do Anything Right!: Idiot Moron Leaves Phone Charging At House He Robbed