Black Astrum is a London based company that’ll make you $1,500 apiece business cards inlaid with diamonds and gold. Except not really because you have to be INVITED to have the cards made. OH WHAT, MY MONEY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! Sufian Khawaja, Black Astrum’s concept director says, “We’ve had several enquiries from American celebrities and international businessmen, however our cards are offered by invitation only, reflecting our desire to serve only the most premier individuals”. The cards were originally created as a one-off project for a wealthy Middle Eastern family. Since its exclusively customized to a client’s specifications, the cost of making varies. However, the company states that the average selling price per card is about the 1000 ($1,500), and it is sold in sets of 25, 50 and 100 cards. Yeaaaaaaah , if you’re the kind of person that can drop $150,000 on 100 business cards, do you really NEED business cards? Because if I had that kind of money I’d greet everyone I met with an uppercut. F*** you, I’m rich! Product Site (you’re too poor to click, don’t even bother) via World’s most expensive business card is diamond studded and costs $1500 a pop [luxurylaunches] Thanks to Erin, who agrees if there’s one person who deserves $1,500 business cards, it’s me. I know, right? Maybe the mailman put my invitation in the wrong apartment box.

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You’re Out Of Your Mind: $1,500 Business Cards

13 exotic sports cars and a Prius were involved in a pileup in Japan over the weekend, with damages to the vehicles estimated as high as $4-million. And that’s not including the Prius. Those things are exorbitant! Also, absorbent (I’ve wiped with one before when they ran out of TP at a music festival). But local authorities say it likely wasn’t a case of “The Fast and the Furious.” Although the investigation is continuing, based on initial interviews, the type of the damage the vehicles suffered and injuries, authorities said they don’t believe the cars were burning rubber as per the highway throwdowns made famous in the street racer movie series. Instead, wet road conditions may have caused the first car, a Ferrari driven by a 60-year-old male, to slip on the two-lane highway and smash into a guard rail. Cars behind then added to the pile-up as they tried to screech on the brakes. Man that sucks. Here I am with ZERO Ferraris and there are people out there crashing eight of them at a time. It ain’t right! I mean, I deserve a sports car. “You don’t even have a license.” Exactly, so I’ll never crash it. “Or drive.” You’re right — flight simulator it is. Hit the jump for several more shots and a news video of the carnage.

Originally posted here:
Car Crash In Japan Claims 8 Ferraris, 3 Mercedes, A Lamborghini Diablo, Nissan GT-R And A Prius

Remember the dipshit who drove the Bugatti into a Texas lagoon to “avoid hitting a pelican” except we all know there wasn’t one because brobro never would’ve guessed in a million years some other idiot that thought he was driving a Lamborghini was filming the whole scene? Well now he’s going to trail for insurance fraud. I thought it was supposed to turn into a submarine, I swear! The insurance company claims [auto deal Andy] House borrowed $1 million from a friend to buy the car and then bought insurance on it as a collector’s vehicle, valuing it at more than $2 million. It says he drove it into the swamp to collect the insurance, which was supposed to go to the friend who lent him the purchase money. House says he swerved off the road to avoid hitting a pelican, but the insurance company says there’s no pelican in the video. Plus, it says it went to the scene and found no skid marks, and it further alleges that House “left the vehicle running for over fifteen minutes while it was submerged until it died on its own causing unnecessary damage to the vehicle’s engine.” Not gonna lie, that does smell a little fishy. Get it? The car — it was in a lagoon! That smell’s never gonna come out. But seriously, dude better be praying he doesn’t wind up in jail with any auto enthusiasts. Know what I’m saying? I’m saying he’s gonna get rear-ended. “And void his warranty?!” ZERO PROTECTION PLAN. Hit the jump for the video of the crash (note: salty language) if you didn’t catch it the first time.

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BUSTED!: Guy Who Drove Bugatti Veyron Into Lagoon Going To Trial For Insurance Fraud

Note: Picture is of Volkswagen’s 20-story robotic parking garage. A $650-million, 57-story highrise designed by Porsche is going up in Sunny Isles Beach, Florida and will feature a robotic car elevator that takes condo owners directly to their door while still in the vehicle. That…sounds convenient. Convenient and terrifying. I guess that’s the price you pay for not having to carry groceries. Carry groceries, LOL — units are $9-million . After the resident pulls over and switches off the engine, a robotic arm that works much like an automatic plank will scoop up the car and put it into the elevator. Once at the desired floor, the same robotic arm will park the car, leaving the resident nearly in front of his front door. The glass elevators will give residents and their guests unparalleled views of the city or of the ocean during their high-speed ride, expected to last 45 to 90 seconds. The 57-story luxury tower will have 132 units. Smaller units will be allocated two parking spaces and larger ones will have four, with 284 robotic parking spaces in total. There will be three elevators. Residents will be able to see their cars from their living rooms. Can you hear that? It’s my Explorer crying because he’ll never get to experience this. “He’s not crying , he’s leaking oil.” Yeah I call that crying. “Well at least put a flattened piece of cardboard down.” Tissues — I call those tissues. At planned Sunny Isles Beach condo, cars and drivers ride elevator home [miamiherald] Thanks to daniel, who just lands his helicopter on the roof like a normal filthy rich person.

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57-Story Porsche Designed Highrise Features Car Elevator That Drops Both Car And Resident Off At Unit

Seen here playing with himself in more ways than one, a man contemplates his next move on Hammacher Schlemmer’s $300 Vertical Chess Set. In case you couldn’t tell, it’s a wall-mounted chess set . Sure you could probably make a table-top version out of a heavily modified Connect Four, but let’s not kid ourselves: it’s not worth investing the time. Besides, you know what’s cooler than playing vertical chess? Playing horizontal hide the sausage . Know what I’m saying? I’m saying hide pieces of hotdog in the couch and watch your dog try to get at them. Product Site via Vertical Chess Set [laughingsquid] Thanks to Lane, who prefers checkers. Me? Skyward Sword.

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Zero Footprint: A Fancy Vertical Chess Set

Seen here making a giant Spongebob costume, 28-year-old German biochemist/fashion designer Anke Domaske pretends to measure something while an older lady dozes off behind her. Anke recently won an innovation award from the German Textile Research Association (how prestigious!) for Qmilch, a new hypoallergenic fabric made from sour milk . No word if it’ll kill those who’re lactose intolerant. Domaske concedes that at euro20 ($28) per kilogram (1/2 pound), her fabric costs more to produce than even organic cotton, which goes for about 40 percent less. But she hopes local production will keep down transport costs and reduce the overall price. She also notes that only 2 liters (a half gallon) of water is needed to produce 1 kilogram (2 pounds) of fabric, or enough to make several standard dresses. By comparison, the same amount of cotton requires more than 10,000 liters of water. Not gonna lie, I’m a pretty messy eater so I do wind up wearing a lot of my food. Just…not like this. “There’s spaghetti on your shirt.” I know — there’s some in my pants too. “WITH meatballs?” Wow, can you even open your mouth without something perverted falling out? “Look who’s talking!” Hey I just type them, there’s a difference. Milk does a body good _ even when worn [yahoo] Thanks to Mike and Melissa, who both got orange juice pajamas for Christmas one year.

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Strong Bones, Sexy Dresses: Fabric Made From Milk

This is a $165 Solid Grey backpack . It’s made out of single piece of rigid polyprene (plastic) and would look even better painted like a ninja turtle shell . But what wouldn’t? *eying coffee table* Okay, that one I might have f***ed up. These unique bags feature a folding hardshell design, EPDM foam lining and straps for keeping your tablet or laptop safe and secure, two interior compartments for keeping small items handy, a built-in document clip — so your papers don’t end up smashed at the bottom of the bag — and a flexible fit, which means your back will like it just as much as your eyes do. Yeah, I dunno how my spine is gonna feel about that hard back. What do you think, spine? “Scoliosis.” Ha — what about it? “You remember in middle school when you and all the other boys had to take your shirts off in the locker room so the gym teacher could make sure I wasn’t bent?” Yes… “And you remember how all the other boys started laughing?” Yes… “It was because of your tits.” WHAT?!?! You said it was because somebody farted! This…wow — you just set my therapy back like a decade. Hit the jump for several more shots including one with an ass gone horribly, horrible wrong.

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Suck It, Fabric!: A Molded Plastic Backpack

I actually posted The Deli Garage’s food spraypaint last year , but that was before they were advertising the shit WITH GOLDEN CHICKENS . Which — you think they lay golden eggs? God, where were you on this, McDonalds? Just think: “Strike it rich in taste this fall with our all-new golden nuggets !” That one was free, the rest are gonna cost you….IN McRIBS. The tasteless (both kinds!) paint comes in gold, silver, pink and blue and costs $35 a can. Wait — $35 A CAN?! Craft glitter it is. Hit the jump for a couple more delicious-looking metallic treats and a link to the product page.

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No Longer Just Huffable: Edible Spraypaint

‘The Football’ is the nickname given to the briefcase containing the protocol and authorization codes for launching a nuclear offensive that’s always carried by one of the president’s nearby aides (Wikipedia article HERE ). Except for this one. This one’s filled with a party . Or, truthfully, more of a pre-party (those are only 375ml bottles!). The contents: 1 pair of handcuffs with 2 keys Engraved plaque, personalized with 2 lines of text 375 ml Patron Tequila 375 ml Grey Goose Vodka 10 Advil tablets 24 Tums Extra Strength chewable tablets (4) 2 oz Red Bull energy shots .37 oz tin of Altoids 0.5 oz of Bausch & Lomb eye drops 1 wine bottle opener 1 deck of cards 5 dice 350 ml Martini shaker 4 shot glasses Unfortunately, the damn thing costs $500. Now I didn’t do the math (I took a shot instead), but I imagine I could put a similar party-pack together for under $100, which is STILL too much. *tink tink tink* You hear that? JanSport full of warm beer cans, baby! Product Site via The Football [thrillist] Thanks to Jody, who knows you don’t need a bunch of overpriced garbo to party hard, just a willingness to regret tonight tomorrow. Join the Geekologie party on Faceybooks and Tweeter

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Getting Bombed: ‘The Football’ Party Briefcase

You ever wanted to eat an entire human-sized brain made out of bubble-gum flavored gummi ? God, you must spend a small fortune at the movie snackbar. But now your sickening dream can become reality my soon-to-be diabetic friend, all thanks to Firebox’s (NOT Fire fox’s ) 7-pound, $32 Giant Gummi Brain. That is like *doing math* 7-pounds too many. Know what I’m sayin’? I’m saying one time I mushed four packs of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons into a big ball and washed it down with a Hi-C the size of a kiddy pool. Best movie experience ever? I think so! (I got such an uncontrollable sugar high I tore an entire row of seats out of the ground) Product Site via Full-Size Gummy Human Brain Will Turn You Into a Sugar Zombie [gizmodo] Thanks to Daisy, who brought a human-sized brain made out of Pop-Rocks to a party once and seven people died.

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I’m Puking Already: Live-Size Gummi Brain