Daniel Reese paints shoes . He might paint other things (i.e. the down red) too, but that’s not what I came to talk about today. Today we’re only talking about shoes . Specifically, these Batman kicks. Speaking of which — I bet he does everyday for not banging Cat Woman when he had the chance! And I bet Robin kicks himself for never sneaking a peek at Batman’s wiener when they’re both peeing in the bat-throom. I know, I know, what I just did there was pretty amazing. Anyway, Daniel has a ton of pre-painted shoes available or will customize any pair you want with any design you want. You can check out some other examples after the jump. What you can’t check out after the jump is my ass, because it’s broken out right now and I’m really self conscious about it. Damn you, stress! Hit the jump for a bunch more examples of Daniel’s work and another link to his website.

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The Caped Crapkickers: Batman Sneakers

Luxury water shouldn’t exist . As far as I’m concerned, there should only be two grades of water: frugal (that’s brown and might make you sick), and plain. We don’t need anything higher than that besides beer . The luxury bottled water comes in five colors which represent different themes: Red (friendship), Pink (cute), yellow (heartful), green (wish) and lavender (sweet). You can buy all five for $500 or individually at $100 a pop $100/bottle?! You could drink nothing but Magical brand unicorn milk for cheaper! I should know, I’m an authorized dealer. Just sayin’ folks, $79/gallon . Note: GW not responsible for those who claim his unicorn milk is actually spoiled 2%. Those chunks contain the magic! Hello Kitty Luxury Water [kittyhell] Thanks to mud, who, fun fact: is just water and dirt mixed together.

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It’s All I Drink: $100/Bottle Hello Kitty Water

Despite my dapper Bond-like online persona, but I’m not really a very classy guy. Shocking, I know. I eat off the floor up to a minute after something’s been dropped, I rarely change out of the same clothes I slept in (often in the back of my car), and I pee on the street more often than on the floor next to a toilet. I drove through Beverly Hills yesterday and, no lie, they asked me to leave. Anyway, maybe you are classy . And, if so, maybe you need a $15K porta-john trailer for your next wedding reception. each one of these $15,000 porta-potties is the size of a trailer, and comes complete with urinals, stalls, fully working sinks with hot water, and even a stereo system to pipe in some tunes. The toilets are even porcelain and everything. It looks more like the kind of setup you’d see at a hotel, not at a wedding. Geez, why not just go the extra mile and install individual catheters at the reception? You won’t even have to stop dancing to pee — just make sure the tube’s still connected to the bag strapped to your leg and piss away. I repeat: MAKE SURE THE TUBE’S STILL CONNECTED TO THE BAG. Trust me, there’s nothing more embarrassing than draining your snake on the dance floor ONTO THE ACTUAL DANCE FLOOR. I turned that Electric Slide into a Slip-n-Slide. Somebody’s grandma broke a hip! $15,000 porta-potties are WAY nicer than your bathroom [dvice]

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The Fanciest Porta-John You’ll Ever Not See

BrewDog, the Scottish brewery best known for its 32% ABV (alcohol by volume) Tactical Nuclear Penguin beer , is back at it with another beer that not only shatters their previous alcohol content record, but also claims the title of most expensive brew. Introducing ‘The End of History’, a 55% ABV beer that costs $765 per 12oz bottle AND COMES IN ITS OWN TAXIDERMIED KOOZIE. But can you suck the eyes out when you’re finished? The beer is the last high abv beer we are going to brew, the end point of our research into how far the can push the boundaries of extreme brewing, the end of beer. This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill. This release is a limited run of 11 bottles, 7 stoats and 4 grey squirrels. Each ones comes with its own certificate of authenticity. Listen, I’m no stranger to drinking out of animal carcasses. As a matter of fact, I’m drinking out of a bear I killed right now. But that’s not the point. The point is this: I think the small intestines might be leaking cause this beer tastes like shit. Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video the brewery released about the beer.

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Now That’s Classy: World’s Most Expensive Beer Comes In Taxidermied Animal Koozies

What cost $6 billion to build and has a 55-story high infinity pool? Give up? Me too. I guess I suck at guessing! Except peoples’ weights at the fair, I made a killing doing that during the summers in high school . “How old and tall are you? Kidding, it doesn’t matter — you’re obese. Congrats, pick a small prize. NEEEXT!” 55 storeys up, this infinity pool could glide you straight over the edge of Singapore, if not the world. It’s part of the $6 billion Marina Bay Sands Skypark hotel, which just opened this week. The pool itself is three times the length of an Olympic-sized pool, and is the largest pool in the world at that height reportedly. Ah yes, the Marina Bay Sands Skypark Hotel. Sounds fancy. Granted not as fancy as the hotels I usually stay at, but one time I did stay at a Motel 6 with a pool in the middle. There was a turd in the deep end and a guy masturbating in the hot tub. I know, I couldn’t believe there was a hot tub either. Such luxury! Hit the jump for several more shots of the ridiculous hotel.

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The World, It’s Flat!: 55-Story High Infinity Pool

Free booze : want. Bullet earphones : do not want. These Teknines Nine Millimeter Earphones from MUNITO look like bullets but they are in fact earphones. The copper alloy cases are gold plated and the cords are covered in Kevlar, and yes you will look like a pathetic wannabe gangster if you go out and spend the $250 it costs to get a pair. $250?! Are you out of your gotdamn mind?! I’ll tell you what — you bring me twos shotgun shells and I’ll make you some real earbuds . Plus every pair comes with a free story! One about you and I getting a little farm together and livin’ off the fat of the land. Plus raising rabbits! (That’s when I blow your brains out) Teknines: 9mm Earphones Let You Pay Lots of Money to Look Like a Fool [uberreview]

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You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me: Bullet Earbuds

Seen here demonstrating how Power Wheels are made, this is the The Shadow Hawk Street Hawk: coming soon to my driveway elevator garage . Okay maybe not. But only because I could never part with the Tercel. The Street Hawk is the first vehicle with 46 inches of independent wheel travel without camber or caster compromise. The ride height or ground clearance is adjustable from zero to 44 inches while in motion. The Street Hawk has 1,100 horsepower, 1,805 foot pounds of torque and has a highway estimated 22mpg. The vehicle is all-wheel-drive with 40 inch tall, 15.5 inch wide tires and 22 inch wheels. The air suspended seats are hand crafter to the driver’s specific proportions. From the driver’s seat you can control the vehicles pitch, roll and overall ride height using D-pad controls beneath your fingertips. The Street Hawk is the best on-road performing Shadow Hawk. With an overall weight of 4,800 pounds, the Street Hawk can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 3.5 seconds and has a calculated top speed of 208mph . The vehicle uses an innovative actijavascript:void(0);ve suspension system that leans into corners and maintains the ideal camber and caster geometry throughout operation. Production is set at 12 units per year with the first vehicle available in late 2011. I want one. No, I NEED one. And they start at only $1.2 million. I’m gonna buy all of next year’s production! In my dreams. And speaking of my dreams: I had one last night where I was making out with a werewolf (I blame Twilight ). So yeah, what’s that mean? And, completely unrelated, any idea why my dog’s been hiding under the bed all day? Must be sick. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures.

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DO WANT: Street Hawk Urban Assault Vehicle

Send a ball , that’s how. Or nothing. Honestly, I’d prefer nothing. At least you won’t piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages). Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here’s how the business started: “One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought “I can mail this”. Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote “Have BALL with your new baby”, went to the post office and mailed it.” Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement. News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.

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How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday

The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid , everyone will tell you it was just a manatee. Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn’t float your boat, it’ll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds. Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don’t want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that’s just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad. Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).

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Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea

In this week’s ” growing things that look like other things ” news, a Chinese farmer has learned how to grow Buddah shaped pears . But are they sacrilegious to eat? Hao Xianzhang, a local famer, spent six years to perfect the process by growing the pears inside moulds, local media reported. The pears cost around 50 yuan (7.32 USD) each. Pfft, that’s nothing. One time I grew an apple that looked like I cut a hole in it and smoked weed out of it. BECAUSE I DID. Who has the green thumb now, bitches?! Hit the jump for two more shots of the holy fruit.

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Holy: Farmer Grows Buddah Shaped Pears