Seen here trying to steal my soul with her stare, a Sony employee demonstrates a new “biological” battery capable of turning cellulose into glucose into energy efficiently enough to power an MP3 player. Me? I’m still cool recharging mine via USB, but what do I know? (SPOILER: Everything, I’m a centuries-old warlock). All it takes to power this bio-battery, then, is a bunch of chopped up cardboard immersed in a solution of water and different types of enzymes. The first enzyme breaks the cellulose in the cardboard into glucose, which the second enzyme then eats to produce electricity. It’s basically a little digestive tract that eats used paper products and poops out electrons and water, without relying on any heavy metals or chemicals or anything. Pretty cool, right? Sure, if you don’t mind carrying around a giant bottle of cardboard juice and eyedropping it on the battery every five minutes. Sorry Sony, but you know what you should’ve been working on instead of a battery that runs on cardboard? A battery that breakdances on cardboard. Oh shishi — that ‘lil AA is spinning on his head! Sony’s new termite battery runs on shredded cardboard [dvice] Thanks to paisley pia and Luke, who still power their electronics the old fashioned way: trapping lightning in a jar . OMG, I remember making Zeus batteries!

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It Ate My Fort!: Sony’s Cardboard-Powered Battery

$9 Soylent Green crackers : not made with people , but with a made with people pricetag. That’s a little questionable. But they are packed with spinach and “high energy plankton”, so you can at least get your Popeye on knowing you’re doing The Krusty Krab a service. Soylent Green Crackers are the food stuff the world has been waiting for. A pleasing green cracker is low in fat and full of spinach, high energy plankton, and a special blend of herbs and people. Wait, what? Did we say people? DID WE SAY PEOPLE? OH SNAP - SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!! Ok, it’s not really people. But Soylent Green Crackers are delicious and a great conversation piece . Listen: if you’re down to buying novelty crackers as a conversation piece, your ass needs to find some shit to talk about pronto BECAUSE THAT IS JUST F***ING SAD. Hey guys — did you see my Soylent Green crackers on the table? They’re people! LOLOL. What else, what else? So, how about that weather tod– leaving so soon? ThinkGeek Product Site Thanks to David, who’ll eat anything with BBQ or Polynesian sauce on it. Pfft, who wouldn’t?!

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Soylent Green: Real Product, Not Real People

Faced with the problem of long charge times for electric vehicles vs. the immediacy of pumping gas , lab-coated, taped-glasses scientists at MIT have developed an electric power “goo” that can be pumped into electric cars for an immediate charge. Me? Two boner pills and a beer. They’re calling this black sludge “Cambridge crude,” and it’s really two different types of goo, each holding charged particles suspended in semi-liquid electrolyte, sort of like how quicksand is comprised of sand particles suspended in water. There’s anode goo, and there’s cathode goo, and when the two goos are separated by a goo-separating membrane, charge moves from one goo over to the other goo, generating current to power your car. When all the charge has been used up, you can pull over to a goo station, which will suck out your used goo and pump new goo back in. Or, when you get home, you can plug your car into a wall socket and recharge your goo that way. So it’s like having all the advantages of being able to pump gas, with the added advantage of being able to fill up at home, too. Admittedly this is great news for green vehicles, but my only concern is this: I’m gonna need it to smell like gasoline. You see — I’m all for cleaner power, but I’m also into fumes. And can you blame me? You can’t. For putting that dent in your fender pulling out of the gas station? Maybe. Battery goo is like gas for electric cars, but better [dvice] Thanks to dylan, who has a Mr. Fusion system and doesn’t give a shit.

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Battery Goo: ‘Pumpable’ Electric Car Power

Mmmm, liquefied jellyfish . I use it instead of jam on my sandwiches. It’s tingly in my mouth. And now it’s a key ingredient in developing nano-scale power cells . Don’t tell PETA, they’ll throw a fish ! Scientists say by liquidizing the humble Aequorea victoria — a glow-in-the-dark jellyfish commonly found off the western coast of North America — they can use the green fluorescent protein (GFP) it contains to create miniature fuel cells. These, say their creators, could be used to power microscopic “nanodevices” that could operate independently inside the human body, helping reverse blindness or fight tumors. In Chiragwandi’s “biophotovoltaic nanodevice,” electrons flow through a circuit when light hits the green fluorescent protein. He says this generates a current measuring “tens of nano amperes.” Oh shit, oh shit, here comes the happy ending. Wait for it — wait for it… Thanks to modern breakthroughs allowing scientists to grow their own green fluorescent protein using bacteria — the unsuspecting sea creatures are no longer on the milkshake menu. BOOYA, no more ground up jellyfish! “But uh, but I didn’t have a problem with the ground up jellyfish”. YEAH WELL I DIDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU STARTED TALKING. At least I didn’t vocalize it. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO. ‘Jellyfish’ smoothies offer solar solutions [cnn] Thanks to Vince Lombardi, who once blended a shark he caught with his bare hands and then sent the video to that ‘Will It Blend?’ guy and called him a pussy.

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Ground Up Jellyfish Key To Nano Power Cells

Brother (the printer /sewing machine company, not my brother Frank), has developed vibration -powered batteries that promise to stay charged simply by shaking them. Shake Weight battery chargers? I think so! Called the Vibration-powered Generating Battery (maybe in the future we’ll all ask for VGBs instead of Energizers), the batt’s fit in any regular ol’ AA or AAA slot. Of course, there are already plenty of rechargeable alternatives out there — and most gadgets today just use lithium-ion batteries — though you still need to plug either in if you want to get some juice. With vibration-powered batteries, you’d be able to charge up anywhere, anytime. Okay, so typically I don’t share my scientific discoveries with anyone, but this one’s just too good to keep to myself. So check it: you take a bunch of these batteries, and you jam them in a vibrator . Boom — PERPETUAL. F***ING. MOTION! Double entendre, count it! New vibration-powered batteries make charging easier than ever [dvice]

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The Future: Vibration Powered Batteries

Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you’re just reading Geekologie. Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world’s first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we’ve combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won’t find anywhere else. Performance enhancing meat snack . I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed. Product Site Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun . Transform and photosynthesize!

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Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine

If our gadget dependency continues to worsen, this could be what our beaches will look like. [via Yanko Design ]

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Solar trees forecast a future where gadgets are charged on beaches

In Jerusalem, an art collective called O*GE has a neat installation that consists of giant solar-powered low-wattage LED flowers. It’s a joint effort with Israel’s electric company to promote alternative energy. The flowers, which include lotuses and tulips, are made of steel wires and laser-cut glass. Pretty! O*GE Gallery [via Art MoCo ]

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Giant solar-powered LED flowers in Jerusalem

From ORAU’s collection of Atomic Toys : This was the most elaborate Atomic Energy educational set ever produced, but it was only only available from 1951 to 1952. Its relatively high price for the time ($50.00) and its sophistication were the explanation Gilbert gave for the set’s short lifespan. Today, it is so highly prized by collectors that a complete set can go for more than 100 times the original price. It also came with a comic book called “Dagwood Splits the Atom” and a government manual, “Prospecting for Uranium”.

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Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab (1950)