Jarrod McKinney, who was skydiving with an iPhone in his pocket (allegedly to be able to call somebody in case he landed in the wrong place, although I suspect he’s the kind of person that always puts his cell phone on the dinner table set to loud), lost it at 13,500-ft and then used a GPS tracker to find it. It still worked. It didn’t still look good, but it worked. He found the gadget, its glass surfaces shattered, on top of a building about a half-mile away from where he landed with his parachute. Joe Johnson, a skydiving instructor, said he and a few friends watched from the ground below the two-story building as McKinney raised the phone above his head in triumph after he located it using a GPS tracking app. Mike Gikas, a tech editor at Consumer Reports, the nonprofit group that tests phones and other gadgets for their reliability, jokingly said that McKinney finally found a way to fix the phone’s reception woes, by dropping it from a plane. “That’s the proved method for fixing the antenna problem,” he said, laughing. The iPhone had protective gear of its own — an Incipio-brand phone case that was broken after the fall but still was on the phone. Johnson, the skydiving instructor, was so impressed with the whole ordeal that he plans to pick up one of the phones sometime soon. LOLOL! So many laughs to be had. SIKE! (PSYCH!, PSYCHE!), — YOU COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEBODY, A-HOLE. You know what an iPhone falling from 13,500-ft feels like when it hits your head? Hell . Literally — because you lived a bad life and now have to spend eternity impaled on Satan’s rotisserie with an apple in your mouth. Dammit devil, you know I’m a pear kinda guy. “Yeah — pear shaped !” Wow, you really are the king of all evil. iPhone 4 survives fall from skydiver’s pocket [cnn] Thanks to comfort eagle, who, God, it’s just so good to know you’re here. *stroking tenderly*

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Suicidal iPhone Survives Drop From 13,500-Ft

Facebook , which can’t even manage to function properly because of all the other worthless bullshit they’ve added to the site, has decided to drop another turd on the pile, this time in the form of ‘Tag Suggestions’, facial recognition software that, after your face has been identified once in a friend’s album, will search the remaining pictures trying to find you. Nice try Facebook — too bad I’m a ninja! *karate-kicks copier* Sarah Jacobsson Purewal, of PC World magazine, said: ‘Opting out won’t keep Facebook from gathering data and recognizing your face - it’ll just keep people from tagging you automatically.’ She also warns: ‘Facial recognition technology will ultimately culminate in the ability to search for people using just a picture. ‘And that will be the end of privacy as we know it–imagine, a world in which someone can simply take a photo of you on the street, in a crowd, or with a telephoto lens, and discover everything about you on the internet.’ Admittedly, that thought is kind of scary. Granted not as scary as the dream where your parachute doesn’t open or your teeth fall out, but still pretty bad. Well, at least to a normal person. You wanna talk about the REAL end of privacy? I’ve had to drop a deuce in a jail cell before with eight other dudes trying to pretend they aren’t watching — this is f***ing NOOOOOOOTHING. Geekologie on Facebook and Twitter Facebook now knows what you look like as it rolls out face recognition by stealth [dailymail] Thanks to Danielle and Tom, who don’t show their faces on Facebook for fear of ol’ Zuckerberg falling in love and online-stalking them. Haha, that reminds me of the time I online stalked myself to impress my friends. They weren’t.

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Facebook, Now With More Facial Recognition

I’ve never owned a Razor scooter . I tried a friend’s once but I fell off a curb and scraped my knees really bad. There was blood. Also: townspeople laughing. Now I live all alone in a bell tower , ashamed. I did make a zip-line though so that’s pretty coo. Razor scooters with integrated chalk ($60) and spark-bars ($180, electric): Their Graffiti scooter has a patented ‘chalk scribbler’ on the back which lets the rider lay down a set of parallel chalk lines while rolling down the street. But it’s their eSpark scooter that has me really concerned. Instead of pieces of chalk hanging off the back it’s got a ’spark bar’ letting riders leave behind a trail of incendiary sparks…on a single 8-hour charge it can run for about 40 minutes with a top speed of up to 10mph Eh, the chalk one is pretty worthless considering you couldn’t even write ‘PENIS’ if you tried. Or anything really besides lines. Admittedly, I could use the eSpark for my stunt spectacular provided it can ignite gasoline-soaked concrete and the noise doesn’t spook the tigers. Razor Scooters Now All About Vandalism And Starting Forest Fires [ohgizmo] Thanks to Charles, who has a skateboard that shoots flames. *looking* Yeaaaaaah, that’s not a skateboard that’s a jetpack.

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Razor Scooters: Now With Graffiti And Fire

Pfft, every bottle opener already has a built-in cap -collector — it’s called the floor . It’s pretty awesome. Plus it never misses unless something like a countertop dives in for the catch, in which case, who gives a shit — you just opened a beer. Chug and repeat! Hit the jump for one of the most erotic infomercials I’ve ever seen.

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The Bottle Opener/Cap Collector ALL IN ONE

This is a video “sneak peek” of the new Nickelodeon TMNT cartoon . I put sneak peek in quotations because 1. it’s pretty shitty and 2. I didn’t want you to think it was a sneak pee , which is what I do in the alleyway between bars . Also, sometimes in my sleep which is actually more of an ultra-stealth pee than a sneaky one because I don”t even notice until I wake up. And then blame my girlfriend. You know I can’t have chocolate milk so late at night! Hit the jump for a twenty-seconds of meh.

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‘Sneak Peek’ Of New Ninja Turtles Cartoon

So apparently ? Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nickelodeon ? is rolling out a new TMNT cartoon next year and this is the first look of the re-imagined turtles. As you can see, they have some of the stupidest-looking anime eyes I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying a lot, because one time in middle school I cut my eye with the cover of a comic (I read dangerous as shit!) and had to wear an eyepatch that a friend convinced me to let him draw an anime eyeball on. Only thing is, I never actually bothered checking his handiwork and he opted for a ballsack instead . Talk about a terrible lookin’ eye! The kids on the playground would yell Captain Teabag and threw rocks at me! First Look: The New ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ on Nickelodeon [slashfilm] Thanks to Sam the Slammer and Dottie, who like to crawl around in the sewers at night and play ninja turtles. ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?! THAT’S DISGUSTING!

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First Peep At Nickelodeon’s New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Kito Keyboard flip flops are exactly what they sound like. Unless you thought they sounded like actual keyboards you wear on your feet, in which case, okay, maybe I was wrong. Just kidding, I’m never wrong. Sometimes I do moonlight as a Dr. Wong though, but that’s only to sneak into the hospital and steal meds. So yeah, keyboard flip flops . Sure the print will wear off within the first week, but at least the shape of the keys will still be there. That’s something, right? No, it’s not. Not something worth spending money on anyways. But you know what is worth spending money on? Apparently a bunch of shit on eBay when I’m wasted right before bed. Just sayin’, you know how many of those porcelain Precious Moments figurines I’ve had show up at my door? Every. Single. One. Hit the jump for a commercial not in English.

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Typing With Tootsies: Keyboard Flip Flops

Two nutjob astrophysicists are claiming a planet 4x the size of Jupiter (the current largest planet in the solar system) might be hiding in the Oort Cloud, a massive (1-light year in circumference) cloud of comets and fart particulate outside Pluto’s orbit. Its orbit would be thousands of times further from the Sun than the Earth’s - which could explain why it has so far remained undiscovered. Data which could prove the existence of Tyche, a gas giant in the outer Oort Cloud, is set to be released later this year - although some believe proof has already been garnered by Nasa with its [s]pace telescope, Wise, and is waiting to be pored over. Prof Daniel Whitmire from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette believes the data may prove Tyche’s existence within two years. He told the Independent: ‘If it does, [fellow astrophysicist Prof John Matese] and I will be doing cartwheels. And that’s not easy at our age.’He added he believes it will mainly be made of hydrogen and helium, with an atmosphere like Jupiter’s, with spots and rings and clouds, adding: ‘You’d also expect it to have moons. All the outer planets have them.’ First of all, I’m sure there are a bunch more planets in our solar system, AND PROBABLY MORE THAN A COUPLE ALIEN WIENERS. Secondly, I’m tired of all these giant gas-balls getting planetary status. A planet should require solid ground, dammit! AT LEAST YOU CAN STAND ON PLUTO, F***! How you gonna get Scotty to beam you down to a “planet” like Jupiter? SPOILER : You’re not, I’m here to inform you you’ve failed the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exam. Sorry! Largest planet in the solar system could be about to be discovered - and it’s up to four times the size of Jupiter [dailymail] Thanks to Mike, who doesn’t believe in planets until we’ve planted a flag on them AND NOT THROUGH THE USE OF HOLLYWOOD TRICKERY. *ahem* THE MOON.

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Is The Largest Planet In Our Solar System Hiding In A Comet Cloud (Spoiler: I Dunno)

Guitar Hero , the franchise that taught us all pushing colored buttons in time to music could make you feel like a badass , has been canceled. *looks at real guitar resting in corner* DON’T “I TOLD YOU SO” ME! You think I won’t smash you? I’ll smash you. “Due to continued declines in the music genre, the company will disband Activision Publishing’s Guitar Hero business unit and discontinue development on its Guitar Hero game for 2011,” the company said in its fourth quarter earnings report. The move also covers “DJ Hero” games, and Activision said it will also stop development on “True Crime: Hong Kong.” “These decisions are based on the desire to focus on the greatest opportunities that the company currently has to create the world’s best interactive entertainment experiences,” Activision said. Activision had better luck last year with its “Call of Duty” and “World of Warcraft” franchises. Speaking of franchises, anybody in the market for a spokesperson? Because I’m available. I can’t guarantee people will buy your products, but I will guarantee I’ll show up wasted to all promotional events and leave early. Probably in the back of a paddy wagon. Think of the publicity! Activision Ditching ‘Guitar Hero’ Franchise [pcmag] Thanks to venort, Alisha and Ms. Forwhatit’sworth, who don’t care because they play real instruments. Yeah, me too! (does the skin-flute count?)

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Guitar Hero, DJ Hero Franchises Killed Off

Seen here looking suspiciously like Rodney Dangerfield’s lovechild, a man explains Samsung’s experiment to drop 200 paper airplanes from 36,500 meters (119,750 feet or ~22 miles) above Germany. Each plane contains a Samsung SD card with messages uploaded from people who visited their website. Mine reads, “SUCK IT, ALIENS!” Allegedly planes traveled all the way to Sydney, Australia; Khabarovsk, Russia and Bangalore, India, although I suspect they’re actually all at the bottom of the ocean or in a shark’s stomach. The feat was performed with the intention of demonstrating just how “magnet-proof, shock-proof and waterproof” the SD cards are, but I suspect it’ll actually demonstrate just how small and hard to find they they are. Just sayin’, you know how many memory cards filled with nude Myspace-style mirror shots of myself I’ve lost? TENS. Plus a couple external hard drives. And at least one briefcase of Polaroids. Please note: if you find one of the planes you’re encouraged to contact Samsung with your info yell ‘HOLY SHIT IT’S A BOMB!’ and call the police. Hit the jump for a video of the planes being released.

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Paper Planes In The Sky, I Can Go Twice As High: Samsung Drops SD-Card Laden Paper Airplanes From 22-Miles Up