This is a custom blown Super Mario Bros. bong . As you can see, it looks like Mario is either stoned out of his mind and/or tripping on shrooms. No idea who made the piece or who it belongs to, so we’re gonna have to put on our detective hats and do a little investigating. *examining picture with magnifying glass* Whoa — my computer screen is made out of a bunch of little dots! That’s crazy. Ooh, here’s a clue — the owner clearly carved his lover’s name ‘APRIL’ into the coffee table. Which — holy shit it’s Michelangelo’s. Put This in Your Pipe: Super Mario Bros Glass Bong [obviouswinner] Thanks to Sparklebottom, who may or may yes wipe with craft glitter.

See the original post:
Smoking Piranha Plants: Custom Super Mario Bong

Seen here looking way too too pretty to be cooking meth at Wal-Mart the wrong way, 45-year old Elizabeth Elisha Halfmoon (cool name!) was arrested after spending 6-hours in a Tulsa, Oklahoma Wal-Mart trying to inconspicuously cook crystal meth. Thrifty! “When I saw her she had just finished mixing sulfuric acid with starter fluid in a bottle,” says Officer David Shelby. “When firefighters were on the scene she made statements to them that is what she was doing, she was attempting to obtain these chemicals and was in the process of trying to manufacture meth. However, she said she was not very good at it,” said Shelby. Reportedly she told respondents to the scene she was “too broke” to buy the chemicals. An officer on the scene, who did not realize the bottle was active, picked up the bottle to discard it and was injured as the mix burned through the bottle and his gloves. He was medically treated at a local hospital for chemical burns and is reportedly okay. Oh man, I love the police officer that just walks in and starts picking up bottles of chemicals she’d mixed. What, were you sick the day they made you watch the meth video in police academy? That shit will blow up IN YOUR FACE. You’ll never make the bomb squad! Woman arrested for making meth in Walmart [digitaljournal] and The Saddest Woman Ever to Fail to Cook Meth in a Walmart [gawker] Thanks to Marlowe, who agrees the only thing that should be cooking at Wal-Mart are the hotdogs at the snack bar. Mmmm, Wal-Mart wieners.

Read more:
Against Store Policy: Lady Cooks Meth In Wal-Mart

Booze : it’s the best medicine. “No way, GW — weed FTW.” YOU SHUT YOUR HIPPIE MOUTH, STONER. You’re right though, they’re both great provided you’ve graduated high school AND HAVE A F***ING JOB. This is a prescription booze flask . It looks official. Not sure if a cop is gonna let you go if you produce it from your pocket, but my guess is no. You ever spent a night in the drunk tank before? It’s not as much fun as it sounds. “It doesn’t sound like any fun.” Well it’s even unfunner than that. Plus if you ever have touse the bathroom you have to do it right in front of 12 other dudes. It’s not the kind of situation where humming loud can muffle the sound of turds hitting the water. Product Site via Take Two Before Bed And Don’t Bother Calling In The Morning: Rx Label Flask [incrediblethings] Thanks to TSNDD, who agrees that alcohol has by far the most desirable side effects compared to all the wack-ass pills they’re always advertising on TV. Rectal bleeding? No thanks!

Read this article:
Rx Booze Flask: Finally, The Medicine For My Sickness

AIDS : like the shitty entertainment center my neighbor set by the road, nobody wants it. But now scientists believe they’re one step closer to a vaccine after discovering a method of attacking HIV before it’s able to compromise an immune system. Hey, sounds good to me. The sound of myself on voicemail messages? Terrible. Like a witch scraping her nails on a chalkboard to cats dying. When HIV enters your body, one of the first things that it does is incorporate a special type of cholesterol into its outer membrane. It steals this cholesterol from one of our immune system cells, called a plasmacytoid dendritic cell, or pDC. pDCs are the cells that first recognize the HIV virus, and they’re supposed to instruct other parts of our immune system (like T-cells) to go after it, but once HIV has stolen the pDC cholesterol, it can “reprogram” the pDC cells so that they don’t do their job, screwing up our entire immune system and allowing the HIV to spread. A research group at at The Johns Hopkins University has discovered that it’s possible to attack HIV before the virus is able to mess with the pDC cells, by simply disrupting its stolen cholesterol membrane. Without this membrane, the virus can’t mess up our immune system, and our bodies are then able to attack it like a normal virus, effectively preventing HIV from causing AIDS. Sounds promising, right? Of course, I still like fighting AIDS the old fashioned way. So I start with a headbutt, right? WA-BAP! Then follow that up with a couple knees to the groin, AWOOGA!, AWOOGA! If that doesn’t do the trick I’ll either grab a bar stool or break a bottle and start swinging that. Then I wake up and I’m all, “f***, I really gotta stop getting up in the middle of the night and eating tuna.” New technique ‘disarms’ HIV, could lead to AIDS vaccine [dvice] Thanks to Cam, who never wears less than two condoms or more than six.

Here is the original post:
Scientists One Step Closer To AIDS Vaccine

No clue, but it definitely helps me get lost as f*** and have to open my map every ten seconds to make sure I’m going the right way . *ahem* Fallout: New Vegas! According to an iffy study by the Groningen Mental Enhancement Department (WTF?) in the Netherlands, smoking the marijuanas helped Alzheimer’s patients score better in memory retention when playing challenging video games. What didn’t help: unplugging the console mid-level and beating them in the head with a rubber mallet. You gotta have a control group. The Groningen Mental Enhancement Department in the Netherlands recently conducted a one-year study to see how gaming and cannabis can affect the brains of Alzheimer’s patients. All the test subjects played increasingly challenging games each day, but half the group was also administered smoke. Would you believe that the marijuana test group scored 43 percent better memory retention than the control group? 43%? Or 42.0%? See what I did there? Me neither, I’m high as shit and I swear my printer just said something. Video Games Improve Marijuana Performance 43% [kotaku] and Photo Thanks to Dirk (is that even your real name?), Evan, Mipsy (that goes for you too!) and christopher, who only play video games when they’re low . Hey I’m with you– nothing raises the ol’ spirits like shooting an enemy in the face and watching it explode.

See the rest here:
What The Whowho?: Weed + Challenging Video Games = Better Memory Retention?

I’m digging the parachute shorts/tights combo, bro. Seen here struttin’ that ass at a Renaissance Festival, Shakespeare (personally, I shake a trident) nonchalantly carries his pipe behind a row of porta-potties to get a fix. Aaaaaaand now a group of nutjobs want to dig up and test his body (he’s dead?!?!) to, among other things, verify he smoked weed . Yeaaaaaaaaah, how about we don’t do any digging and just assume he did? Plus was a warlock that wrote with his penis . GO BIG OR GO HOME. The team also looks to address a controversial suggestion Thackeray made a decade ago, when he examined a collection of two dozen pipes found in the playwright’s garden and determined that Shakespeare was an avid marijuana smoker. Thackeray claimed the devices were used to smoke cannabis, a plant actively cultivated in Britain at the time. The allegation has provoked disbelief and anger among some fans of the bard. Prof. Stanley Wells, honorary president of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust, told the Daily Mail, “I would be happy if they did open it up because it could put an end to a lot of fruitless speculation.” Hoho, sounds like we’ve got a little “yes he did/no he didn’t” battle going on! That’s…pretty sad. Who cares — so we can add him to the ‘famous people who smoked weed’ list? That’s booboo. As a matter of fact, I don’t even know why I’m writing this except for the fact I took shots at lunch which seemed like a good idea at the time but in retrospect was a f***ing great one. *swinging beer bong like a lasso* Party time, PARTY TIME! Did Shakespeare Smoke Weed? Let’s Dig Him Up and Find Out [foxnews] (with a bunch more info, including the fact there’s a curse on his grave) Thanks to Ferris, who came up with the title so if you don’t like it it’s all his fault. If you do like it then it was a collaboration.

Continued here:
To Weed Or Not To Weed?: Crazies To Dig Up Shakespeare’s Body, See If He Smoked Herb

Looks like a normal coloring book page, right? Something a parent might reluctantly hang on the refrigerator while mentally reminding themselves to take it down before any guests can see it? WRONG! It’s been dosed with drugs. *tears open mail licking everything* Back in February, corrections officers received information that the drug Suboxone (aka Buprenorphine) [a narcotic used to treat opiate addiction but often used recreationally] was being channeled into the Correctional Center through inmate mail. The tip led to a full investigation. During the second week of February, a mail room officer discovered mail containing a coloring book page. The page had an Orange substance blotted on it that looked similar to watercolor paint. Investigators confiscated the page and sent it to the Cape May County Prosecutor’s Office Laboratory for testing. The page tested positive for Suboxone. Pretty clever guys, but you’ve got to get up preeeeeetty early to trick an old trickster the Cape May County Correctional Center. Now — I’ve never actually been to prison before (only jail), but I don’t know how I’d feel about doing drugs in there. Making potty beer sure, but I’m afraid anything else might make me go crazy. Like dropping acid and locking yourself in a hall closet. You’re just not the same after that. Are you? I’m not. WHO SAID THAT?! Me. Me who? You did, this is you. GAAAAAAAAAH! *fighting to stab myself* Hit the jump for one more coloring book page.

Here is the original post:
I’ll Admit, That Is Pretty Clever: Prison Inmates Sent Drugs As Dosed Coloring Book Pages

Uh, is that a dude with tits? Microsoft , working with the federal gubment, successfully raided a number of web-hosts around the country, bringing down a bot-network of compromised computers they believe are responsible for as much as 40% of all spam emails . Weird, because my box is still packed with boner-pills. Did I say box? I meant butt. That’s where I keep my stash. “Shutting down Rustock could put a huge dent in spam worldwide,” reports CNet. Indeed, tech security giant Symantec estimated last year that Rustock was responsible for 39% of the world’s spam. “The shutdown is one of the rare victories against cybercriminals who use botnets, or herds of compromised computers, to wreak havoc on the internet,” writes VentureBeat. “It shows that technology can be used to perpetrate cyber crime as well as to hunt down cyber criminals.” Alas, “At the moment, it’s safest to say Rustock has been made inactive, rather than having been taken down,” according to DigitalTrends.com. “The estimated million infected zombie computers are still out there, and if Rustock’s creators are wily they might be able to regain control over some portion of them.” Great, now where am I supposed to go for cheap drugs? “The ghetto.” The ghetto?! But it’s dangerous to go alone! “Here, take this.” *looking* This is a sign that says ‘ROB ME’ with a bunch of racial slurs. Spam Network Shut Down [wallstreetjournal] Thanks to Rooble, who, got any testosterone pills?

See the article here:
Microsoft, Feds Bring Down BotNet Spam Ring, Boner Pill Emails Drop Almost 40%

Should’ve opted for the Maytag. Get it? I’m punching myself in the face! Clearly disregarding Captain America’s hatred of illicit substances , 30-year old Colorado meth dealer AARON CASTRO spent all the proceeds from his lucrative drug dealin’ on comic books. Like, $500,000 worth. What — no graphic novels?! While most people that make loads of money engaging in illegal actives usually open a business that acts as a front that allows them to filter their tainted money through, Aaron, as if through some kind of mystical nerd alchemy, opted to tread on unexplored territory: he transformed a lot of drug money in to comic books — 18,753 comic books, to be exact. As is usually the story for big time drug dealers, Aaron was caught. Most of the time federal prosecutors seize the drug dealer’s assets, including any and all cash that may be stored away. But in Aaron’s case there was no cash. Just 18,753 comic books, which in total are valued at around $500,000. Lonna Gwinn, who says she used to sell Aaron’s meth, claims Aaron’s comic book obsession was so bad that she used to make cash exchanges inside comic books stores, at which point Aaron would turn around and use that cash to buy entire boxes of comics. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? “Yeah, all the kids on that comic look like addicts.” Exactly . Well — what’re you waiting for, Captain?! SHIELD THEIR F***ING FACES OFF! Comic Books: The Most Creative Money Laundering Tool [funnycrave] Thanks to Belpheegor and Thaylor, who launder money the old fashioned way: in a bucket with a washboard.

Read the original here:
BUSTED!: Idiot Moron Meth Dealer’s Comic Book Based Money Laundering Scheme

NICE JEANS, LADY! My mom circa 1984 wants to know where you got ‘em! Holton Rowler (not to be confused with Thurston Howell III) creates paintings by pouring store-brand coffee cups full of paint on top of boxes to create trippy, drippy designs. I’d argue the process is even more beautiful than the final result, not unlike lovemakin’. Just kidding, nobody likes hearing a grown man cry for six-straight minutes. Or do they? They don’t. But even a man clad in a bedsheet wiping his tears away with the last scrap of toilet paper still glued to the tube is beautiful compared to raising a kid for 18-years. 18-YEARS! That’s older than I am emotionally. Huh? Oh good one — AND mentally. *coyly eats booger* Hit the jump to get your trip on (also available in full-HD).

More here:
Sounds Simple!: Painting By Numbers Pouring