This is a picture of recently discovered Protoanguilla palau , an eel that evolved into its current form around 200 million years ago, at the beginning of the Jurassic period . No word if they remember seeing the elusive Ceratosaurus’ mating ritual , but I’d pay good money if one could describe to me in detail. “You’re sick, GW.” Ha, I know — and I haven’t been taking my medicine. They found that the new species, Protoanguilla palau, had traits that matched those of the earliest eels. Things such as a large head, fused skull bones, and a small number of vertebrae made it a closer match to eels from 100 million years ago than modern eels. The researchers then analyzed the eels’ DNA and found that it dated back to 200 million years ago, near the beginning of the Jurassic period. This was around the time when the supercontinent Pangaea broke into two, and the sea teemed with a variety of life. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Spicy eel rolls. Put a little dollop of wasabi on those things and mmmm mmmm mmmm! “Hey GW — you should really try the blowfish liver.” Haha, nice try buddy — don’t those give you the runs? “Something like that.” Good thing I already have them — bring on the blowfish liver! Living Fossil Eel Found in Palau [thirdage] Thanks to wok, who would not hesitate to stir-fry that mamma-jamma with some water chestnuts and bamboo shoots.

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Dinosaur Era ‘Living Fossil’ Eel Discovered

Pfft — do those pants LOOK square to you? A new mushroom that “lives in the rain forest, under a tree” *puts gun in mouth* was recently discovered in Borneo and scientists have decided to name it after Spongebob Squarepants because of its similarity to the perpetually high sea-sponge. I dunno, I would have named it LOOOOOOOOFAH. Shaped like a sea sponge, the bright orange (and sometimes purple) mushroom, Spongiforma squarepantsii , was discovered in the forests of Sarawak, Malaysia, on the island of Borneo in 2010, and just described in May in the journal Mycologia. “It’s just like a sponge with these big hollow holes,” Desjardin said. “When it’s wet and moist and fresh, you can wring water out of it and it will spring back to its original size. Most mushrooms don’t do that.” Oh yeah? Well most rocks don’t do that either, SO THERE. No word if the new shroom is psychedelic, but I am ready and willing to lather one in peanut butter to find out. “Shhhh — don’t tell him it’s poisonous.” I HEARD THAT — ya’ll are a bunch of @$$holes! Meet SpongeBob Mushroom, a Funky New Fungus [livescience] Thanks to Olivia, who knows a girl who named a dog ‘cat’ and gave it a complex. That’s f***ed up.

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Dumbing Down The Taxonomy System: New Fungus Discovered, Named After Spongebob

Antimatter my ass, those are UFOs! Scientists, having accidentally pointed a telescope at thunderclouds instead of into outerspace (great job, guys!), discovered that lightning may give off antimatter , effectively explaining the long-running mystery of why getting struck can kill a person. BOOM — VAPORIZED! Such storms have long been known to give rise to fleeting sparks of light called terrestrial gamma-ray flashes. But results from the Fermi telescope show they also give out streams of electrons and their antimatter counterparts, positrons. It deepens a mystery about terrestrial gamma-ray flashes, or TGFs - sparks of light that are estimated to occur 500 times a day in thunderstorms on Earth. They are a complex interplay of light and matter whose origin is poorly understood. Thunderstorms are known to create tremendously high electric fields - evidenced by lightning strikes. Electrons in storm regions are accelerated by the fields, reaching speeds near that of light and emitting high-energy light rays - gamma rays - as they are deflected by atoms and molecules they encounter. These flashes are intense - for a thousandth of a second, they can produce as many charged particles from one flash as are passing through the entire Earth’s atmosphere from all other processes. Somebody’s gonna be playing on the monkey-bars during the next thunderstorm! Me, dummy, me . So like, how does this superpower thing work? Do you get the power you’re thinking about the hardest when you’re blasted? “Come on x-ray vision or invisibility. X-ray vision or invisibility. X-ray vision or — anything you touch turns to fish-sticks…” *KA-KRAAACK!!* Fuuuuuuuuuuuu. Antimatter caught streaming from thunderstorms on Earth [bbcnews] Thanks to Skarett and TOM THE BOMB, who both have superpowers but haven’t discovered them yet. Well they can’t be that good, just sayin’.

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Yes — Superpowers, Here I Come!: Scientists Discover Thunderstorms Produce Antimatter

For realz. On their heads . The species is only a few millimetres wide and scientists say it looks like a flying saucer with a cluster of gonads, or sex organs, on top. “It’s absolutely different from every other jellyfish that’s ever been known,” Dr Gershwin said. “So we not only put it into its own new species and its own new genus, but it’s actually a brand new family.” “Quite possibly and quite humbly the greatest discovery of my career, ever. I mean I’ll be lucky if I ever get a discovery even half as incredible again,” she said. The new species has been named Csiromedusa medeopolis, meaning “jellyfish from CSIRO” and “city of gonads”. So basically discovering the city of gonads is the highlight of Dr Gershwin’s career. That’s, uh, that’s really something. TOO BAD I ALREADY DISCOVERED IT IN COLLEGE! Been there, done that, is there a pube between my teeth, amirite? Experts astounded by ‘city of gonads’ jellyfish [abc] Thanks to Laurel, who doesn’t wear a crown of gonads because she has no interest in being the nut queen. Well let me wear it then. I SAID STOP HOGGIN’ THE BALLS!

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I’d Do It If I Could: Newly Discovered Family Of Jellyfish Wear Their Gonads Like A Crown