Want a poster-size print of yourself riding a dinosaur ? Of course you do, it’s like every child’s grown man’s dream. Well it is mine at least. And now thanks to Dinoprints, you won’t have to do the Photoshopping yourself! $50 gets a 24″ x 36″ print of yourself riding a t-rex , spinosaurus or wooly mammoth, with more dinosaur options on the way. You just take a picture of yourself in the proper straddling pose, upload it, and Dinoprints takes care of the rest. “You’re gonna make it look like you’re banging one, aren’t you?” Pfft — please . I’m gonna make it look like I’m banging two. Hit the jump for a gallery of the possibilities. You can even use a pet!

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Yes!: Poster-Size Prints Of You Riding A Dinosaur

Paleontologists in Canada have discovered a treasure trove of dinosaur feathers (I know — it’s still hard for me to believe too) trapped in amber that should shed some light on the evolution of feathered animals, and, God unwilling but let’s totally do it anyways, the potential cloning of my smexy reptilian brethren. A team of scientists from the University of Alberta believes the feathers, 11 in total, are from the Late Cretaceous period, which spanned 99 million to 66 million years ago. Discoveries of dinosaur feathers have helped reshape the public’s perception of the extinct creatures. Gone are the days when dinosaur skin was thought of as solely scaly. “You can kind of track where the science is going by just looking at contemporary culture,” Dr. Norell said. “If you look at the original Jurassic Park film, all the dinosaurs looked like crocodiles. And today, you look at the most recent incarnations of them, and lots of them are fluffy.” Whoa whoa whoa — fluffy dinosaurs?! THIS. CHANGES. EVERYTHING. But mostly just what I picture when I masturbate. Let’s clone ‘dem beeches already. Alberta’s dinosaur feathers have paleontologists all atwitter [theglobeandmail] Thanks to Melissa, who cloned a pterodactyl and trained it as a winged mount but apparently they don’t understand power lines.

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CLONE THEM: Dino Feathers Found In Amber

Because I won’t stop getting this tip until I post it (and then still for another week or two), a Vancouver man (actually — it might be a woman ) is offering his/herself as someone’s personal dinosaur for a year in exchange for free housing. Sounds like a pretty good deal, right? WRONG. “No sex stuff though, sorry.” HA — and you wonder why you haven’t found a taker! Just a heads up: there are very few people who want a personal dinosaur and NOT the “sex stuff”. It comes with the territory. And by territory I mean raptor pit. *pretending to type with claws* Criagslist Ad (won’t last forever) via Pretend To Be A Dinosaur, Get A Free House? [consumerist] Thanks to Theresa, John, Texico, kayr, smashcan, Vellan, ashley, Kat84 and Bohdi, who are all convinced I placed the ad, even though I didn’t (it was my uncle — he’s where I got it from).

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Will Rawr For Food: Man Offers Himself As Personal Dinosaur In Exchange For Housing

Finally. God, I couldn’t even tell you how long I’ve been looking for a decent dino skeleton in a tiny bottle. I’m lying, I actually do know how long. It’s been like, the time between when I first got the tip in my inbox and clicked the link. So like, 30-minutes (I made a sandwich in between!). Etsy seller TinyWorldInABottle sells just that, tiny worlds in bottles (but not real ones like that cat that carried a universe around in its collar in Men in Black). Actually, they don’t actually sell worlds, they’re just little scenes. And speaking of little scenes: ACT 1 (Friday, 5:00PM — a disheveled plumper in a dirty kitchen with a bottle of bourbon) GEEKOLOGIE WRITER WOOP WOOP — Friiiiiiiiiiiday! I’mma drink till I pass out. (GW drinks till he passes out, possibly will vomiting to add a sort of ‘Is he gonna survive?’ twist ending) FIN Hit the jump for several closeups (they’d have to be otherwise you can’t see shit!) along with a bottle of seaturtles hatching and another with three dinos. Yow yow!

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Finally, Some Decent Dino Skeletons In Lil’ Jars

Johan Huibers, who may or may yes need to stop eating spicy food before bed, had a dream that part of his native Holland flooded . So what did he do — wake up and have a cup of coffee? Hell no — he started construction on a “full-size” replica of Noah’s Ark . I, uh, I would have done the coffee thing. Or — OR — gone back to sleep until I had a good dream. The almost-finished vessel you see pictured above is actually Huibers’ second whack at making an ark of his own. The first was a half-sized replica, though this time the Dutch construction company director decided to go whole hog. It’s even seaworthy, and Huibers plans for his ark to float along the Thames in London ahead of the 2012 Olympics. Though we really have no way of knowing, Biblical scholars peg Noah’s Ark as being somewhere around 300 cubits in length, 50 wide and 30 high. In feet, that translates into a vessel 450 feet long — or about the same as a Romulan Bird-of-Prey — and 75 feet wide and 45 high. Johan’s second ark took three years and $1.6-million of his own dough to complete, but, from the look of it, would only take one un-extinguished cigarette to burn to the waterline . What do you know — I guess Noah really did have good reason for leaving the dinosaurs behind! Get it?! Because their sexy asses be smokin’. Mm mm mmm — just thinkin’ about ‘em makes me feel like I got curry in my penis! Hit the jump for an NBC news report.

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Johan’s Ark: Man Dreams Of Apocalypse, Builds Functional (It Floats) Noah’s Ark Replica

Geekologie’s illustrator in residence Jesse Starr created these velociraptor awareness bumper stickers to remind motorists to share the road with our reptilian brethren. Because you never know, that could have been one of my illegitimate dino-babies you just ran over. The full-size bumper stickers are $4.75 and available over at Daily Stickers (gosh, I hope they have scratch & sniffs!) Get one and show your support for dinos. It’s already bad enough our cars run on the creamy black remains of their ancestors. Why do you think all the dinosaurs were so angry in Jurassic Park? Because the park rangers tied rope around their balls like rodeo bulls, silly! Product Site and Jesse’s Facebook

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Velociraptor Awareness Bumper Stickers

Jurassic Park better change their lunch menu. In a report that shouldn’t surprise anybody who’s traveled back in time to have sex with them, numerous species of dinosaurs previously thought to be carnivorous may, in fact, have been herbivorous. Pfft, like I haven’t seduced a coelurosaur with a veggie-wrap before. Lindsay Zanno and Peter Makovicky of the Field Museum in Chicago used statistical analysis to conclude that 90 species of theropod dinosaurs ate a plant-based diet, especially among coelurosaurs, the most bird-like dinosaurs. Through their analysis, the researchers found that 44 theropod species distributed across six major lineages ate plants and that the ancestor to most feathered dinosaurs and modern birds had probably already stopped eating meat only during the Cretaceous Period, some 145 million to 65 million years ago. In light of the large number of plant eaters during that period, the carnivorous diet of T Rex, Velociraptor and other meat-eating coelurosaurs should be viewed “more as the exception than the rule,” Dr Zanno said. “It’s time to start seeing these animals in a new evolutionary context,” Dr Zanno said. Not only is it time to start seeing these animals in a new evolutionary context, it’s time to start seeing them naked in my bed. YOU BETTER BRING AT LEAST ONE THIS YEAR, FAT MAN! US paleontologists say most bird-like dinosaurs ate plants [theaustralian] Thanks to Peter, who takes everything these “scientists” say with a grain of salt. Also, the rest of the salt and the margarita it came with.

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TIME TO CHANGE THE HISTORY BOOKS: T-Rex, Raptor Relatives Were Plant Eaters

About sex than a dino orgy ? There aren’t any . Are you getting this, the birds and bees ?! Your shit doesn’t even make sense! I’ve NEVER seen a bird and bee do it. The closest I’ve come is one wasp making sweet, stingy love to another, much deader wasp in the window sill. And one may have actually been a hornet! Hit the jump for more dino-on-dino action (this time in a conga line!).

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What Better Way To Teach Your Children…

Okay, so here’s the gameplan: you run to the bank for singles while I stuff my pants with chicken . One two three, BREAK! Geekologie’s Facebook Page Thanks to Jonathan and Julien, who don’t send tips as much as post them on Geekologie’s Facebook page. Hey I know, that tip form can be tricky.

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So Hot: The Sexiest Thing I’ve Seen All Day

Dinosaur metal: arguably the best thing to come out of music since the skin flute . Toot toot tootle toot! Hevisaurus was a band made up of members from legendary band Dio and Sonata Arctica. Their goal was to recrod heavy metal for children. After an intense brainstorming session, someone thought of buying a bunch of dinosaur suits and the idea stuck. The music itself is in Finnish, but the lyrics usually deal with popular children’s stories and, you know, dinosaurs. Because that’s the heart of metal. There’s a worthwhile video of a Hevisaurus concert after the jump, and I’ve gotta admit: I rocked out with my dino-loving peener lighter out. Damn yeah I set the couch on fire! And as soon as I finish this I’m calling the fire department. Hit it for the concert video.

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(Awesome) New Music Genre: Kid’s Dino Metal