Black Astrum is a London based company that’ll make you $1,500 apiece business cards inlaid with diamonds and gold. Except not really because you have to be INVITED to have the cards made. OH WHAT, MY MONEY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! Sufian Khawaja, Black Astrum’s concept director says, “We’ve had several enquiries from American celebrities and international businessmen, however our cards are offered by invitation only, reflecting our desire to serve only the most premier individuals”. The cards were originally created as a one-off project for a wealthy Middle Eastern family. Since its exclusively customized to a client’s specifications, the cost of making varies. However, the company states that the average selling price per card is about the 1000 ($1,500), and it is sold in sets of 25, 50 and 100 cards. Yeaaaaaaah , if you’re the kind of person that can drop $150,000 on 100 business cards, do you really NEED business cards? Because if I had that kind of money I’d greet everyone I met with an uppercut. F*** you, I’m rich! Product Site (you’re too poor to click, don’t even bother) via World’s most expensive business card is diamond studded and costs $1500 a pop [luxurylaunches] Thanks to Erin, who agrees if there’s one person who deserves $1,500 business cards, it’s me. I know, right? Maybe the mailman put my invitation in the wrong apartment box.

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You’re Out Of Your Mind: $1,500 Business Cards

Seen here looking suspiciously like it was made out of foam-board and an old computer monitor, a diamond and jewel dispensing ATM participates (possibly unwillingly — ATMs are hard to read sometimes) in a ribbon-cutting ceremony in India. Although, truthfully, they’re not actually ATMs, just jewelry vending machines . OLD IDEA IS OLD — 25 rings. The Gitanjali Group, which claims to be the world’s biggest integrated manufacturer of branded jewelry, opened the machine in a luxury shopping mall in the city Sunday and said that it already served a “substantial number of customers.” With prices ranging from 1,000 rupees ($20.17) to 30,000 rupees, customers can pay by cash or credit card for products ranging from gold coins etched with an image of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, to diamond-studded pendants in the shape of a swastika, which in India is an ancient religious symbol of unity. So I guess jewelry-dispensing ATMs ($20 to $600? That…doesn’t sound like very quality jewelry) are the new gold-dispensing ATMs . Me? I’m this year’s knowledge -dispensing ATM. Just kidding, but for a quarter I will tell you a secret. “Fine.” I don’t like olives. “That’s not a secret!” …Because I’ve eaten one that’s been between another man’s buttcheeks. College, amirite?! “Absolutely f***ing not.” Right. World’s First Diamond-Dispensing ATM Launches in India [foxnews] Thanks to Lauren, who doesn’t buy jewelry, jewelry is bought for her. Oh man, I saved up like $220 to buy a highschool girlfriend a necklace from Tiffany & Co. and then spent it on an R/C car instead and called her to break up and told her it was because I was moving out of town even though we both knew it was because her eyes were too far apart.

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Of Course: Diamond-Dispensing ATMs

Because most rich-ass people got no damn class, Robert Glpen (yeah — gulpin’ down endangered fish caviar on a yacht probably!) is selling this 1/8-scale diamond and jewel encrusted Lamborghini Aventador at auction for $4.8-million. Allegedly, the car has over $2.7-million in gems and exotic metals and Robert spent over 500 man-hours putting it all together. Which means… $4,800,000 -$2,700,000 $2,100,000 $2,100,000 500 = $4,200 Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no your time isn’t worth got-damn $4,200/hour, Robert! WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?! Hit the jump for the smarmiest-ass smile I’ve seen in a long time.

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1/8-Scale Jeweled Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K

I’ll believe it when it cuts through a glass giant. Astronomers are claiming they’ve found a planet made entirely of diamond . Interesting, but if you really wanted to capture the public’s attention you should have said it was made out of chili cheese fries and has a milkshake orbiting it. The new planet is far denser than any other known so far and consists largely of carbon. Because it is so dense, scientists calculate the carbon must be crystalline, so a large part of this strange world will effectively be diamond. “The evolutionary history and amazing density of the planet all suggest it is comprised of carbon — i.e. a massive diamond orbiting a neutron star every two hours in an orbit so tight it would fit inside our own Sun,” said Matthew Bailes of Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne. Lying 4,000 light years away, or around an eighth of the way toward the center of the Milky Way from the Earth, the planet is probably the remnant of a once-massive star that has lost its outer layers to the so-called pulsar star it orbits. I hereby publicly claim Diamondtopia as my own. Now, has anybody here played enough Minecraft/Starcraft to feel comfortable setting up a mining operation on the planet? Awesome. Also, we’re gonna need some serious firepower in case there’s any of those f***ing Na’vi. Astronomers discover planet made of diamond [reuters] Thanks to CB and Evil Ares, who would’ve settled for smoky quartz planets. And to Mr. Fancy, who wouldn’t accept anything less than ruby or emerald.

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I Claim It, It’s Mine: Planet Made Of Diamond

This is the (Abu Dhabi) Emirates Palace hotel’s $11 million Christmas tree. Well, technically the tree only cost $10K, it’s just covered in $11 million of gold and diamond tackery. It’s a marketing effort to drum up interest in the hotel . Right, like I’m rich enough to fly to the UAE and stay in a $400 - $7,000/night hotel. Just sayin’, I had to ask a friend to spot me bus-fare yesterday. Plus I stole two packs of Ramen when he was in the bathroom! The vast majority of the population of the oil-rich UAE are Muslim. But Mr Olbertz said he did not think the tree would offend local sensibilities. “It’s a very liberal country,” he said, according to AFP. Asked what security measures were in place to prevent theft of jewellery from the tree, assistant director of marketing Hazem Harfoush said the tree was “good proof that Abu Dhabi is a safe destination”. And the hotel was even safer, Mr Harfoush told the BBC. “We have 24/7 security, four security guards closely monitoring the space plus security cameras.” “Very liberal country” aside, did that just say FOUR security guards? Can you excuse me for just a sec? *dialing* Hello, Grinch? Tie Max’s antler back on, it’s time to steal another Christmas. UAE hotel boasts ‘most expensive Christmas tree ever’ [bbcnews] Thanks to Liz, who doesn’t like trees and decided to decorate a shrub instead. What the — WHO DOESN’T LIKE TREES?!

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Definitely NOT The True Meaning Of Christmas: Hotel’s $11 Million Tree

This gold and diamond encrusted Mario pendant recently sold on eBay for the low, low price of $2,600. Yes I bought it! Which is exactly why I didn’t post it until after the deal was done. I can’t have you stealin’ my blang! What did I get for my hard-earned cashmoney?: Total Carat Weight: 4.25CT Metal Type: 10K Solid Yellow Gold Gemstone: Natural Diamond Stone Clarity: SI Stone Color: Black, blue, canary, & white Stone Cut: Round Setting: pave Weight: 31.60 Grams Width: 2 Inches Length: 3.25 Inches Note: Mario Design. Okay, I know I said I bought it earlier, but the thing is I lied. You see, I don’t have two arcade tokens to rub together, let alone a couple extra G’s. What do I look like, I’m rich? Haha, no, not all the handsome people are rich. eBay Auction (seller has other gamer jewelry as well) via Diamond coated Mario can be yours for $2600 [yahoopluggedin] Thanks to Jay, who considered buying it but decided to hold out for Toad.

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Gamer Bling: Gold & Diamond Mario Pendant

The DiamondNite Diamond Moissanite Tester can discern between synthetic diamonds and real diamonds within just 1.5 seconds. That’s if the diamond is made of silicon carbide , of course—synthetic diamonds that are chemically identical to carbon diamonds will remain nearly impossible to tell from those dug up from the dirt. [via Microkhan ]

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DiamondNite fake diamond detector