This is a USS Enterprise USS East Peoria Christmas lights display spotted in East Peoria, Illinois, which is apparently known for its extravagant Christmas lights AND NOTHING ELSE. *Wikipedia-ing to verify* Okay so the Caterpillar Tractor Company does a lot of manufacturing there, that’s something. Oh, and it’s where comedian Sam Kinison was born. Geez, no wonder he was so screamy — I’m from West by God Virgina and I’m full of rage myself. “Rage — or shit .” Both. Jedi Ninjas, Stay Puft Snowman, Where’s the Doctor, Harry Potter VS. Lord of the Rings and MORE [nerdbastards] via USS Enterprise in Christmas Lights [neatorama] Thanks to chichi, who agrees the only Christmas light a person really needs is a warm fireplace and somebody naked to share it with. *disrobing* To the bearskin rug!

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Nog Me Up, Scooty: Enterprise X-Mas Lights Display

British men, upset that woman get to have all the ’sticker crystals on your privates’ fun, have finally gotten their wish with Pejazzles: peel-off Swarovski crystal stickers for your wiener. LOOK LOOK — mine says ‘RAWR’! ‘Women don’t necessarily want a rough and ready man. Some prefer a man who’s groomed and takes care of himself. It’s each to their own,’ But can a man really be taken seriously while decorated with Swarovski crystals - especially ‘down there’ ‘Men wear diamond watches and bling earrings - this is no different ,’ I’m gonna go ahead and go out on a sturdy limb wiener here and argue that, no, penis crystals ARE actually different. Not sure how many times you failed the analogies portion of standardized tests, but my guess is every single one. I can see it now: Question 37. Diamond watches : bling earrings : : diamond cufflinks : WIENER JEWELLLLS!!!!11 After vajazzling comes pejazzling [dailymail] Thanks to ross and Manda, who agree the last thing any guy needs is a bunch of plastic penis stickers coming off inside their girlfriend.

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Your Wiener, Now With More Stick-On Crystals

But that rug really tied the room together! Using 3-D video-mapping technology, the guys at Mr. Beam were able to transform a plain white living room filled with plain white furniture into whatever kind of fancily decorated living room they desired by projecting different patterns onto the various elements. Coooooool. Now make the couch look like a pile of skulls! We created an unique physical 3D video mapping experience by turning a white living room into a spacious 360 projection area. This technique allowed us to take control of all colors, patterns and textures of the furniture, wallpapers and carpet. All done with 2 projectors. Granted it’s not very practical for an actual living room unless you live entirely in the kitchen and only admire the space from the tent you built out of a bedsheet and barstools, because once you step foot in there you gonna be casting all kinda shadows. And, just like that, your cool-lookin’ living room turns into less of a place to relax, and more of a place to be blinded by a projector and stub your toes on the f***ing coffee table. You think I won’t saw that leg off?! CONSIDER YOUR ASS TRIPODED! Hit the jump for the very worthwhile video.

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Eye Candy: 3-D Video-Mapped Living Room Is Like Having A Million Living Rooms In One

Damn, how sexy is that?! If you answered, “wow, not one bit, I think I even vomited a little”, congratulations, you might still have some taste and decency after all. I always thought iPhones were feminine anyways with their smooth lines and all. No, the last phone made with any REAL balls was my old Pronto pager. That thing was a hoss! Besides, what happens if you accidentally lick your iPhone’s balls when you’re making a call? You look super gay. Well … this just disturbs the piss out of me. [hothotjapanhot] via iPhone balls? [buzzfeed]

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I Don’t Get It, I Really Don’t: iPhone Ballz

These are two comparison shots of Conan O’Brien’s new Tonight Show stained glass backdrop and the alleged inspiration for said drop. As you can see, it’s based on shapes and scenes from the Mushroom Kingdom . So, yeah. I don’t watch the Tonight Show though because I go to bed early. Did I say go to bed? I meant pass out drunk. Also, I don’t have television. Or internet . So then where do these posts come from? I AM A ROBOT! *BEEP BOP BOOP* TERMINATE, TERMINATE. Kidding! I hate those bastards. And that wasn’t a very funny joke to play on you, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better I shit myself writing it. Conan’s New Backdrop Sure Looks Familiar… [gizmodo] Thanks to Fally, PlayUsOut and Matt, who don’t sleep but not because they’re vampires. Or are they? Your guess is as good as mine.

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I Like: Conan’s New Mario Inspired Backdrop