I posted about turning a loved one’s ashes (or anyone you want to dig up and burn, really) into a diamond back in 2009, so this isn’t really a new concept. But death diamonds can cost up to $20K, where as dead body beads will only set you back $870, making them the obvious choice for a relative you only kind of liked. Bonhyang founder and CEO Bae Jae-yul says the beads allow people to keep their relatives close to them, wherever they go. He also says stored ashes can rot, a claim denied by crematoriums. “Our beads are clean; they don’t become moldy and don’t go off and smell bad,” he says. Bae uses ultrahigh temperature to melt cremated ashes until they are crystalized and can be turned into beads in a 90-minute process. The colors are mostly blue-green but sometimes pink, purple and black. Oh man, I wonder what color beads I’d make. My guess is glow-in-the-dark. Speaking of which: if any of you even THINK of digging my body up and burning it to make anal beads I will haunt your ass for life. Literally — I’ll possess it, then make you shit your pants everyday on the drive to work. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the beads.

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Turning A Dead Relatives Ashes Into Beads

Two men’s skeletons , originally buried around 700AD, were uncovered that had big-ass rocks jammed in their mouths, a practice that was later reserved for vampires . But, since vampire folklore wasn’t prevalent in the area until the 1500’s, archaeologists now believe it was a zombie scare . Gee — great deduction, guys. *MASSIVE F***ING EYEROLL* One of the men was between 40 and 60 years old, and the other was a young adult, probably between 20 and 30 years old. The two men were laid side by side [although buried at different times] and each had a baseball-sized rock shoved in his mouth. “In this case, the stones in the mouth might have acted as a barrier to stop revenants from coming back from their graves,” Read told Discovery News. Right, zombies . Listen, ‘archaeologists’ — are you familiar with the phrase, “the simplest answer is often best?” These two were chatterboxes . Obviously you’ve never lived with a roommate that doesn’t know when to shut their pie-hole. I actually tried making one eat a gym sock before. He did too. Plus my shoelaces. :/ Did Zombies Roam Medieval Ireland? [discovery] via Zombie Remains of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Mike, who wants to be buried with a pie in his mouth. SAME.

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Iffy: Two "Zombie" Skeletons Dug Up In Ireland

Who wants a body massage? Do you own a ShoulderFlex robotic neck massager ? Awesome, then keep using it BECAUSE IT WILL KILL YOU. The Food and Drug Administration issued an alert Friday saying one death and one near-strangulation have been reported, AP reports. The latter incident occurred after a necklace and piece of clothing became caught in a rotating component of the therapeutic massager. “The FDA is concerned that the ShoulderFlex Massager presents serious health risks,” the warning stated, reports AP. The agency urges people who own the device to “dispose of the device components separately so that the massager cannot be reassembled and used.” AHAHAHAHHAHAHA @ “dispose of the device components separately so that the massager cannot be reassembled and used.” Because people WILL go through your trash and they WILL reassemble a broken neck massager. Remember folks: at least three different trash bags. Massage By ShoulderFlex Massager Could Be Fatal, FDA Warns [thirdage] Thanks to Olivia, the White Queen, who has a diamond massager because she’s fancy and a queen.

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Robotic Neck Massager THAT WILL KILL YOU

This is a conceptual roller coaster designed by Royal College of Art doctoral student Julijonas Urbonas to kill all the riders as fun and ethically as possible. WHEEEEEEEEE!! *eyes roll back in head* “Euthanasia Coaster” is a hypothetic euthanasia machine in the form of a roller coaster, engineered to humanely — with elegance and euphoria — take the life of a human being. Riding the coaster’s track, the rider is subjected to a series of intensive motion elements that induce various unique experiences: from euphoria to thrill, and from tunnel vision to loss of consciousness, and, eventually, death. Thanks to the marriage of the advanced cross-disciplinary research in space medicine, mechanical engineering, material technologies and, of course, gravity, the fatal journey is made pleasing, elegant and meaningful. Meaningful? How is dying on a roller coaster meaningful? Dying saving kittens from a burning building, now that’s meaningful (plus will get you mad play in heaven). Dying trying to jump a previously un-jumped number of buses on a burning bicycle, that’s meaningful. Dying on a roller coaster? That’s not meaningful, that’s not pulling your lap bar down far enough (my brother and I both slid out of The Beast at King’s Island and got free season passes!). The Euthanasia Coaster is designed to be fun, briefly [dvice] Thanks to Dan, who refuses to ride any coaster that doesn’t stand a chance of killing him. That’s, uh, that’s all of them.

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The Roller Coaster Of Love Euthenasia: A Coaster Designed To Kill All Passengers

Remember the washing machine that failed to clean a brick ? Well here it is again with a face . Not so funny now, is it? Yes, yes it is too. As a matter of fact, it’s even funnier . Unfortunately, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put the washer back together again and have all been wearing the same stinky, skid-marked drawls for almost a month now. It’s true, Robin Hood even puked just trying to rob them. Hit it for the most worthwhile video I’ve seen in a long time.

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That Made It So Much Better: Brick-Washing Washing Machine Gets Anthropomorphized

This is a video of an F-18 Hornet buzzing some guy’s head so close you can taste the jet fuel . Now I’m not saying this thing would kill you if it hit you, but it would certainly mess your hair up. Also, not to brag or nothin’, but one time I let a jet land ON MY FACE. Now who’s the man?! F-18 Hornet Ultra Low High Speed Fly By [todaysbigthing] Thanks to Matt, who once flew a prop-plane through a barn and accidentally hit a chicken.

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Balls Of Steel: F-18 Hornet Buzzes Man’s Head

In case Geekologie is the only site on the interweb you visit (good for you), David Carradine, best known for his role as Shaolin priest Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu and Bill in the Kill Bill series, was found dead by alleged hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. He was 72. Carradine was in Bangkok to shoot a movie and had been staying at the hotel since Tuesday. In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby. One of his prominent early film roles was as singer Woody Guthrie in Ashby’s 1976 biopic “Bound for Glory.” Hi-ya, David, hi-ya . R.I.P. Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok [yahoonews] Thanks to Gem, Rosswell, Steven, Freddy and Matthew, who have all taken the day off to partake in a Kung Fu marathon.

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Awh, Damnit: David Carradine Found Dead

This video is like two years old so if you’ve seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an ‘OLD’ and your bank account info in the comments and I’ll have it transferred in first thing Monday. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you’d rather die . And I’d imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic. Youtube Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*

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Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice