I posted about turning a loved one’s ashes (or anyone you want to dig up and burn, really) into a diamond back in 2009, so this isn’t really a new concept. But death diamonds can cost up to $20K, where as dead body beads will only set you back $870, making them the obvious choice for a relative you only kind of liked. Bonhyang founder and CEO Bae Jae-yul says the beads allow people to keep their relatives close to them, wherever they go. He also says stored ashes can rot, a claim denied by crematoriums. “Our beads are clean; they don’t become moldy and don’t go off and smell bad,” he says. Bae uses ultrahigh temperature to melt cremated ashes until they are crystalized and can be turned into beads in a 90-minute process. The colors are mostly blue-green but sometimes pink, purple and black. Oh man, I wonder what color beads I’d make. My guess is glow-in-the-dark. Speaking of which: if any of you even THINK of digging my body up and burning it to make anal beads I will haunt your ass for life. Literally — I’ll possess it, then make you shit your pants everyday on the drive to work. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the beads.

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Turning A Dead Relatives Ashes Into Beads

I’m digging the parachute shorts/tights combo, bro. Seen here struttin’ that ass at a Renaissance Festival, Shakespeare (personally, I shake a trident) nonchalantly carries his pipe behind a row of porta-potties to get a fix. Aaaaaaand now a group of nutjobs want to dig up and test his body (he’s dead?!?!) to, among other things, verify he smoked weed . Yeaaaaaaaaah, how about we don’t do any digging and just assume he did? Plus was a warlock that wrote with his penis . GO BIG OR GO HOME. The team also looks to address a controversial suggestion Thackeray made a decade ago, when he examined a collection of two dozen pipes found in the playwright’s garden and determined that Shakespeare was an avid marijuana smoker. Thackeray claimed the devices were used to smoke cannabis, a plant actively cultivated in Britain at the time. The allegation has provoked disbelief and anger among some fans of the bard. Prof. Stanley Wells, honorary president of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust, told the Daily Mail, “I would be happy if they did open it up because it could put an end to a lot of fruitless speculation.” Hoho, sounds like we’ve got a little “yes he did/no he didn’t” battle going on! That’s…pretty sad. Who cares — so we can add him to the ‘famous people who smoked weed’ list? That’s booboo. As a matter of fact, I don’t even know why I’m writing this except for the fact I took shots at lunch which seemed like a good idea at the time but in retrospect was a f***ing great one. *swinging beer bong like a lasso* Party time, PARTY TIME! Did Shakespeare Smoke Weed? Let’s Dig Him Up and Find Out [foxnews] (with a bunch more info, including the fact there’s a curse on his grave) Thanks to Ferris, who came up with the title so if you don’t like it it’s all his fault. If you do like it then it was a collaboration.

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To Weed Or Not To Weed?: Crazies To Dig Up Shakespeare’s Body, See If He Smoked Herb

Star Trek urns : niche product or the new standard in ash receptacles ? I’m gonna go with niche product. BURN ME UP, SCOTTY. The $800 urns, from funeral products retailer Eternal Image, come with one of two inscriptions: “To boldly go” (pictured above) or “The voyage continues.” Details on the urns, from StarTrek.com: “Each urn features a capacity of 190 cubic inches and is constructed from a composite blend of natural minerals, an etched stainless steel faceplate and name scroll, and an image of the Enterprise printed on anodized aluminum, with the Enterprise visible through a cutout of the franchise’s signature Delta logo. A personalized nameplate can be affixed above the graphic.” 190 cubic inches? I dunno, I feel like that special, recently dead Star Trek fan in my life might be a little over 190 cubic ash-inches. Do you carry anything in the 300-350 inch range? No? That’s cool, I can flush part of him. Product Site via Star Trek Urns Boldly Go Into the Afterlife [wired] Thanks to Uncle_FUJ, who just wants his ashes shot out of a cannon at a monster truck rally like a normal person.

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Oh I’m Boldly Going — To Meet My Maker!

Artist and Geekologie Reader Eric Tryon went and made himself a skeletal bicycle . It’s fully functional and the arms and head move whenever you make a turn. Plus, it looks like you’re humping a demon skeleton, so ghosts won’t mess with you. Hit the jump for a closeup.

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Pedaling ‘Dem Bones: A Skeleton Bicycle

Want a pet ghost but too big of a pussy to kill somebody in your own house ? Well you’re in luck, because now you can buy bottled ghosts for a scant $20. Just don’t drink them! Each Ghost is captured from a reported haunted establishment, (house, hotel, ship, cemetery, etc), by our Ghost Hunters. We seal the ghost in it’s own bottle. The bottle is sealed for your protection. You may release the Ghost at your own discretion and at your own risk. The Ghost in the Bottle is contained mysteriously and is therefore sealed with wax shortly after the Ghost is caught. The bottle is sealed for your protection. It comes with very important information . We supply the Ghost, you supply the name. Individual Ghost experiences may vary as “Each Ghost is Unique”! Pfft, bottled ghosts. Like a ghost couldn’t get out of a damn waxed bottle if it wanted to. THEY’RE NOT GENIES YOU IDIOTS. I swear, some people don’t know supernatural shit. Product Site Thanks to Roger, who actually has a genie in a bottle and her name is Christina.

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For Questionable Sale: Ghosts In Bottles

I can honestly say I’m surprised the numbers for renaissance artists aren’t even lower . Because one time when I was substitute teaching for a class of fourth graders I asked who sculpted David and the only response was from a girl who asked if that was the one with the penis. I said yes and then they all started chanting I was gay. Ninja Turtles [xkcd] Thanks Andrew, who once cowabunga’ed two chicks at once in the Party Wagon.

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Not Surprised: Ninja Turtle Notoriety Charts