Remember Mr. Slingshot ? He is like, soooooo into slingshots . I heard he likes them so much he wants to marry them . I know, it’s that serious . Me? I’m married to the lord . Or is that nuns? I dunno, but one of them used to let us drink the Ocean Spray cran-grape juice out of the refrigerator at church before it was transubstantiationed. It was a habit. HIYO — nun joke! This is Mr. Slingshot about to send a little car to meet its maker (Ford? I have no idea). Per the man himself: So I just came back sunburned and really tired, but happy because it was just a blast — so much fun. Unbelievable. I think this is the most amazing weapon — rubber-based weapon that I’ve ever made. [I'm] really proud. Well thanks for watching! And byebye. You gotta love a burly-ass dude who signs off his Youtube videos with a sweet “thanks for watching — byebye”, amirite? I am. Great, so now you’re in love with him too. I knew I shouldn’t have pointed that out! Hit the jump for the would consider bringing to a knife-fight.

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Mr. Slingshot Showing Off His 220-Pounder

Who wants a body massage? Do you own a ShoulderFlex robotic neck massager ? Awesome, then keep using it BECAUSE IT WILL KILL YOU. The Food and Drug Administration issued an alert Friday saying one death and one near-strangulation have been reported, AP reports. The latter incident occurred after a necklace and piece of clothing became caught in a rotating component of the therapeutic massager. “The FDA is concerned that the ShoulderFlex Massager presents serious health risks,” the warning stated, reports AP. The agency urges people who own the device to “dispose of the device components separately so that the massager cannot be reassembled and used.” AHAHAHAHHAHAHA @ “dispose of the device components separately so that the massager cannot be reassembled and used.” Because people WILL go through your trash and they WILL reassemble a broken neck massager. Remember folks: at least three different trash bags. Massage By ShoulderFlex Massager Could Be Fatal, FDA Warns [thirdage] Thanks to Olivia, the White Queen, who has a diamond massager because she’s fancy and a queen.

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Robotic Neck Massager THAT WILL KILL YOU

This picture: why does it exist? A 26-year old with surgically enhanced breasts discovered one had ruptured after being shot in the teat during a round of paintball . And that, my friends, is why I’m afraid to get mine done. The 26-year-old had been taking part in a game at an outdoor centre near Croydon on Saturday (20 August). She went to her doctor’s surgery on Monday, where it was discovered one of her implants had been torn apart. “We respectfully ask that any ladies with surgical breast implants notify our team at the time of booking,” says a statement on UK Paintball’s website. “You will be given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs and asked to sign a disclaimer. “You will also be issued with extra padding to protect your implants while paintballing.” AHAHAHHAHHAHAH! “…given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs…” Way to stay professional guys. “Jesus, they run a paintball center — what did you expect?” Touch. Paintball shot ruptures woman’s silicone breast implant [bbcnews] Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who paintballs with like six pairs of tighty whities on to prevent the same thing from happening to his balls. Smart, but I’d go with at least eight just to be on the safe side.

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Apparently Paintballs Can Pop Breast Implants

This is an old SEGA Out-Run arcade game that’s been mounted to a golf cart and programmed with custom software that, using two hood-mounted webcams , turns real-world roads and obstacles into in-game roads and obstacles. Better buckle up! Jk jk, it’s a golf cart — what’s the worst that could happen? SPOILER: gruesome death. Yeah, better buckle up. The old fiberglass and wood cabinet was hacked up and the motors, wheels, and drive train from an electric golf cart were stuffed inside. The original steering wheel and pedals were used for the controls. Although the top speed of the in-game car is about 180 mph, that was brought down to a reasonable 13 miles per hour. The build doesn’t run on the original 68k processor. Instead, custom software is used to take real-world image data from two webcams on top of the cabinet. These images are then converted into Outrun sprites and displayed on the monitor. The software proportionally changes the speed of the in-game car, but it seems the difference between the game speed and real-life speed would be a little disconcerting. Great job guys, I’ve always wanted to drag a jogger to their death. Hit the jump for a video of the Need For Waaaaaaaaaay More Speed in action.

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Safety Last: A Driveable Arcade Racing Game

Roongrojna Sangwongprisarn (damn I’d hate having to write that on top of all my homework), the 54-year old proprietor of Thailand’s four Ko Art Shops (that specialize in custom scrap metal creations, because you can do that now), went and built himself a tetanus-laden alien (although it does have a Predator-ish mouth ) motorcycle. This is it. It…looks like a great way to impale yourself on a giant metal alien head. Hit the jump for two more shots.

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Homemade ‘Alien’ Scrap Metal Motorcycle

This is a battle between a sulfuric-acid based drain cleanser and a wet sponge . SPOILER : The sponge loses (although technically the acid is actually reacting with the water). I know you might be a fan of rooting for the underdog, but in this case the underdog gets its ass burnt off and handed to it. Reminds me of when I used to lock myself in my lab (read: bathroom) and mix random cleaners together in a bucket trying to invent a new, more powerful one. One time the smell alone made me pass out! That’s when I knew I had something. “Had what — the poison control hotline’s ‘Dumbf*** of the Month’ award in the bag?” They sent me a magnet for the fridge and everything! Hit the jump for the carnage.

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Sulfuric Acid Drain Cleaner Vs. Wet Sponge

Something’s not right. This is a video of an SUV towing what appears to be a BMW with parking cone orange rims when shit goes south . I’m not sure if something caused the craziness, or if the driver just overcompensated for a little swervature (which is a word now), but things go downhill fast. Think “riding down carpeted stairs on a couch cushion”, but replace the couch cushion with a greased cookie sheet. It’s like that. One time I slammed into the front door so hard I black out until my parents came home. From vacation. They say I might have brain damage. Hit the jump for the ‘I’m sure that’ll buff right out’.

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Dammit, You’re Doing Towing It Wrong!

This is a video of a guy who made a fully functional replica of Ezio’s hidden blade from Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood. It’s activated by a ring worn on the finger and locks into place once extended, but retracts with another twitch of the finger. Obviously, I must have one. No — two. Plus Wolverine claws (I live in a really bad part of town). Based on a dual action Out The Front (OTF) Mechanism with a ring driven ratcheting pulley system to index the OTF Mech. Blade locks in both the extended and retracted positions and can be extended and retracted regardless of arm orientation (no gravity/arm shake required). You just have to see it in action, it’s amazing. What’s not amazing is guy’s camerawork, which doesn’t do the blade anywhere near the justice it deserves. You made a functional hidden blade, now make a f***ing tripod. Amirite guys? High-five! *SNIKT* Haha, you’re right-handed anyways. Hit the jump for the blade (which is actually plastic because that’s how good dude is at assassinations) in action.

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MUST HAVE: Guy Makes Fully Functional Hidden Blade From Assassin’s Creed

J&D’s, the same company that brought us bacon mayonnaise , bacon lip balm , bacon envelopes and bacon popcorn , is back at it, this time with huffable bacon-flavored oxygen. But, before I go any further, TOMORROW IS APRIL FOOLS’ DAY — don’t let anybody fool you. So on that note, this is probably fake. Oooooooor it could be real. God knows I’ve already seen even crazier shit this week (a stray cat f***ing a dog on a leash). Allegedly the product was inspired by these huffable chocolates and is shipping soon for $9. *reading product site* “95% pure Himalayan oxygen”. FAKE! FAKE AS HALF THE TITS IN HOLLYWOOD. Still, if it turns out not to be you should definitely only use it after igniting the spray. You know, for that authentic smoked bacon flavor. Kidding, I want you to melt your face off. News report and link to iffy product site after the jump. Feel free to fool your friends (they’re all dicks anyways).

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FINALLY — Huffable Meat: J & D’s BaconAir

Ever wonder what happens when you run a lightsaber factory entirely with Gungan slaves and absolutely zero quality control ? This. That thing’s not even a lightsaber anymore, that’s a light lasso . *swinging over head* Quick, somebody point me at a tauntaun! *PSHFWWWUUUMMMMMM!!* … … …Its guts are everywhere aren’t they? Hit the jump for the short but worthwhile video, which is actually a Polish steel factory (which explains why everything went to shit — they can’t even screw in lightbulbs!

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Many Bothans Died: Lightsaber Factory Fail