Looks like a normal coloring book page, right? Something a parent might reluctantly hang on the refrigerator while mentally reminding themselves to take it down before any guests can see it? WRONG! It’s been dosed with drugs. *tears open mail licking everything* Back in February, corrections officers received information that the drug Suboxone (aka Buprenorphine) [a narcotic used to treat opiate addiction but often used recreationally] was being channeled into the Correctional Center through inmate mail. The tip led to a full investigation. During the second week of February, a mail room officer discovered mail containing a coloring book page. The page had an Orange substance blotted on it that looked similar to watercolor paint. Investigators confiscated the page and sent it to the Cape May County Prosecutor’s Office Laboratory for testing. The page tested positive for Suboxone. Pretty clever guys, but you’ve got to get up preeeeeetty early to trick an old trickster the Cape May County Correctional Center. Now — I’ve never actually been to prison before (only jail), but I don’t know how I’d feel about doing drugs in there. Making potty beer sure, but I’m afraid anything else might make me go crazy. Like dropping acid and locking yourself in a hall closet. You’re just not the same after that. Are you? I’m not. WHO SAID THAT?! Me. Me who? You did, this is you. GAAAAAAAAAH! *fighting to stab myself* Hit the jump for one more coloring book page.

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I’ll Admit, That Is Pretty Clever: Prison Inmates Sent Drugs As Dosed Coloring Book Pages

Looks like we’re in good company — high-five, Liberia and Myanmar! We’re miles ahead of all those other countries , amirite?! No? Kilometers behind? SONOFA. *takes 3/4″ socket off penis and chucks over cubicle wall like a grenade* “OW!! WHO THREW THIS?” Quick — look everybody, Eric’s wearing my wiener socket on his finger like a Bugle! These Are the Three Countries Who Don’t Use the Metric System [gizmodo] Thanks to Jeff, who measures everything in relation to his own body parts. What are you, five?! How tall am I in penises?

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Countries That Don’t Use The Metric System

I am impress. Granted I thought it was a peen-eating plant growing out of a vagina at first, but you know what they say: you see what you want to . Anyway: a LEGO still-life of a spraypaint can exploding made by Cole Blaq (who also made this piece featured earlier). I swear, people can get so creative. Like last night when I was stumbling home from the bar I saw a man who, in lieu of a public restroom, was dropping his kids off in a storm drain . It being clearly marked ‘NO DUMPING: DRAINS TO RIVER’ aside, the Los Angeles River isn’t so much a river as it is a concrete cesspool THAT I STILL SEE PEOPLE FISHING IN anyways. So yeah — not feeling so creative now are you, Da Vinci?! “For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.” What. in. the. — ARE YOU HIGH AGAIN?! Paint me naked? One more shot after the jump, along with a link to Cole’s website with a ton more LEGO works (a lot of which are spraypaint themed for some reason. I suspect huffing ).

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Exploding Spraypaint Can Made In LEGO

This is a short (but beautiful) video of Mark Visser surfing in the middle of the night in Fiji with some sort of special lighting rig that prevented the footage from turning out like your first failed sex tape (although, to your audio-capture credit: I could hear the disappointment in your partner’s voice loud and clear). The shots of him riding a 40-foot wave is so perfectly awesome that it looks computer generated at times. But it’s not. He was wearing a buoyancy vest and a modified surfboard with built-in LED lighting. The lighting technologies were created especially for the project by Solus Corporation using ground breaking NASA submarine lighting to ensure the wave and board were lit in the right places, at the right time and illuminated the wave without hindering the vision of Visser, the jet ski drivers and the helicopter pilots. Listen, I’ll be the first to admit I’m afraid to get in the ocean even during the day so you can f***ing FORGET about me ever going in at night I did this years ago but a sharkodile ate my camera copter. Hit the jump for the short video.

Continued here:
TO THE EXTREME!: Midnight-Surfing

Note: This ain’t even a tenth of the graphic, click HERE to see the entire thing and get your learn on, soldier! (Knowing is half the battle is the thing) This is an educational infographic all about the Call of Duty franchise. Now as I’m sure I’ve told you all before, I’m not allowed to play war games because the violence makes me threaten my neighbor’s lives AND I AIN’T GOIN’ BACK TO THE CLINK. You know what they do to you in there? Butt things. You ever walked around with your sphincter clutching a shiv for protection? I have, it makes you walk funny. Like a penguin. AND GW AIN’T DOING THE MARCH OF THE PENGUINS AGAIN! Same goes for elephant walks. *shudders* Now, where was I? Well, I think I was in the exercise yard the first time it happened. Oh right, in the article. I don’t know yo — it’s a Call of Duty infographic, what the hell do you want from me?! *Please don’t say ‘that ass’, please don’t say ‘that ass’, please don’t say ‘that ass’* “That ass”. GAAAAH, NOT AGAIN! How Big Is Call of Duty? [milo] Thanks to Trevor and not the dino you were looking for (I don’t believe it!), who have to limit their first-person-shooter gaming to under an hour a day or they start raging out on the TV and breaking things. Wait — it takes you a whole hour?!

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Call Of Doodle: The Informational Graphic

Dragan Stevic (who you can probably already tell is a badass because his name’s pronounced f***in’ DRAGON ), a wasted Serbian tourist (is there any other way to vacation?!) at Egypt’s Sharm el-Sheikh managed to take down a shark that had already killed one person and injured four others in the seaside tourist town by landing on it after drunkenly throwing himself off a high-dive. OMG — PLEASE tell me you teach classes in heroism! ” Dragan climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump . There was no time for me to react or to try to stop him, he just went for it”…”Dragan jumped high and plunged down to the sea, but didn’t make as much splash as we thought he would”… The reason could be because Dragan Stevic ended up jumping straight on the shark which was lurking near the beach, probably looking for its next victim. Dragan had nailed it right in the head, killing it instantly. The Egyptian police found the shark washed out on the beach that morning (pictured above). At the moment, the fearless hero is in a hospital recovering from alcohol poisoning. After Dragan gets well, he will get a chance to have some more drinks as the resort had awarded the Serb tourist with a free vacation for his heroic deed. *tearing Harry Potter poster off wall* Sorry Hair, but somebody’s got a new favorite hero. Yeah, a real one. Plus his name rhymes with Dragon. Powers? He doesn’t need any, he just gets shitcanned all the time. *GW’s eyes turn into little hearts* Sharks Wary of Drunk Serbs [mina] Thanks to clarazinet and derzulu, who both know the best way to dispatch a shark is a well-placed blow on the nose.

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Drunk Man Kills Shark By Jumping On Head

Note: Check the filename if you’re really having trouble. Also, never attempt the hidden-picture on the back of a Highlights. I bet Han shot first after all! Get it? Because he’s a selfish lover! Greedo Was A… [buzzfeed]

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When You See It, You’ll Pass LEGO Bricks

Note: The I’m not spoiling it video is after the jump. If you haven’t seen this yet you should watch it. I can’t really say anything without ruining it except it all starts as a routine traffic stop (for driving with an odd number of headlights under two) in Russia [insert "in Soviet Russia, the police need you " joke here]. Any idea what’s going to happen? Take a guess and then hit the jump to watch. Ooooor be a dick and ruin it for everybody else. Which — female flasher falls out a speeding car’s window! Haha, beat you to it! Just kidding, that’s not what happens. That would be equally watchable though. Even more so in slow-mo. Hit it and solve the mystery.

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Pfft, Sissy: Russian Traffic Stop Gone Wrong

Note: Must-see video is after the jump. To celebrate the 600-year anniversary of the Old Town Square astrological clock tower in the center of Prague, the city commissioned a video-mapping (other examples of video mapping HERE and HERE ) stunt spectacular lightshow to blow your f***ing socks off, back on, then off again and catch fire. Just watch it. It’s like magic going off in your eyeballs, if you know what that feels like. No? Well have you ever inhaled a fairy? No? Blown a gnome? Don’t lie! Hit the jump for 10:00 of amazingness. You can skip around, but I wouldn’t if I were you. Bill the man for all ten minutes.

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Just Watch It: Amazing Video-Mapping Project Celebrates Clock Tower’s 600th Anniversary

Relax, they’re bad guys, bro . They work for Bowser . They’re not even worth burying. God, if I beat myself up every time I stomped an enemy I’d be in the ICU all the f***ing time. And not just because I like the pudding, but I did contact the food distributor and they won’t sell to individuals. Long story short: I want you to stab me with this ninja sword. But only deep enough so they keep me over the weekend. Oh shit, wait — help me install my catheter first. Huh? What’s it look like — it’s a McDonald’s straw. Now on the count of three I want you to jab it in my penis like a Capri Sun. Mario [maneggs] via Mario Cartoon [thedailywh.at] Thanks to Allo and Kake, who would have dug up that goomba and stolen his wallet. Damn — ya’ll cold!

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Awh — Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself, Mario