Note: Picture is of Volkswagen’s 20-story robotic parking garage. A $650-million, 57-story highrise designed by Porsche is going up in Sunny Isles Beach, Florida and will feature a robotic car elevator that takes condo owners directly to their door while still in the vehicle. That…sounds convenient. Convenient and terrifying. I guess that’s the price you pay for not having to carry groceries. Carry groceries, LOL — units are $9-million . After the resident pulls over and switches off the engine, a robotic arm that works much like an automatic plank will scoop up the car and put it into the elevator. Once at the desired floor, the same robotic arm will park the car, leaving the resident nearly in front of his front door. The glass elevators will give residents and their guests unparalleled views of the city or of the ocean during their high-speed ride, expected to last 45 to 90 seconds. The 57-story luxury tower will have 132 units. Smaller units will be allocated two parking spaces and larger ones will have four, with 284 robotic parking spaces in total. There will be three elevators. Residents will be able to see their cars from their living rooms. Can you hear that? It’s my Explorer crying because he’ll never get to experience this. “He’s not crying , he’s leaking oil.” Yeah I call that crying. “Well at least put a flattened piece of cardboard down.” Tissues — I call those tissues. At planned Sunny Isles Beach condo, cars and drivers ride elevator home [miamiherald] Thanks to daniel, who just lands his helicopter on the roof like a normal filthy rich person.

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57-Story Porsche Designed Highrise Features Car Elevator That Drops Both Car And Resident Off At Unit

This is Justin Bibber’s (I feel like if I never acknowledge him by spelling his name right maybe he’ll go away) Batman Cadillac. It looks pretty cool. Well, at least until there’s a scrawny 17-year old behind the wheel . Then it looks completely f***ing ridiculous. Dubbed the Bat-illac [GW's note: I vote Beibmobile], the car is actually a Cadillac CTS-V customized by Ryan Friedlinghaus, the founder of West Coast Customs and star of the TLC reality series Street Customs…The Batman tribute features the comic book character’s logo on the front and back of the car, with doors that open in reverse similar to the Rolls Royce Drop Head Phantom Coup, and even has a “batmobile” nameplate on the trunk. Good choice, Justin. Because if there’s one thing I think when I think Batman IT’S A TWINKY 120-POUND R&B SINGER. Shit, even given your entire adult life you’ll never be half as manly as Robin and he’s 3/4’s lady. Hit the jump for a bunch more, the last of which includes the boy-wonder himself looking suspiciously like a miniature Tosh.0.

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Justin Beeber’s Custom Batman Cadillac

Because most rich-ass people got no damn class, Robert Glpen (yeah — gulpin’ down endangered fish caviar on a yacht probably!) is selling this 1/8-scale diamond and jewel encrusted Lamborghini Aventador at auction for $4.8-million. Allegedly, the car has over $2.7-million in gems and exotic metals and Robert spent over 500 man-hours putting it all together. Which means… $4,800,000 -$2,700,000 $2,100,000 $2,100,000 500 = $4,200 Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no your time isn’t worth got-damn $4,200/hour, Robert! WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?! Hit the jump for the smarmiest-ass smile I’ve seen in a long time.

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1/8-Scale Jeweled Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K

Police in Vancouver, British Columbia impounded 13 exotic sports cars after their drivers decided to race them to dinner on the highway at speeds in excess of 120MPH. No word on what restaurant they were going to, but that shit must be f***in’ goooooooood. What the racers, who police said are all under age 21 , won’t get is harsh punishment. “Each driver will be charged with Driving without Reasonable Consideration and receive a violation ticket with a specified penalty of $196. Additionally, these drivers will be responsible for all associated towing and storage charges,” according to the RCMP press release. That’s because police didn’t actually catch them in the act and acted only on witness accounts. They weren’t caught on radar, video or seen by a police officer, Superintendent Norm Gaumont, RCMP officer in charge of traffic enforcement for the Lower Mainland, told the Surrey Now newspaper. The cars: 2007 Ferrari 599 2010 Lamborghini Gallardo 2010 Lamborghini Gallardo 2009 Lamborghini Gallardo 2009 Audi R8 2012 Nissan GT-R 2010 Nissan GT-R 2010 Nissan GT-R 2010 Maserati Turismo 2010 Maserati Turismo 2011 Mercedes SL63 2011 Mercedes SLS 2005 Aston Martin DB9 Whoa whoa whoa — THEY WERE ALL UNDER 21?! God I hate rich, spoiling parents. You know why? Because they raise dickweeds . Me? I’m a vaginaflower. Like something straight out of a Georgia O’Keefe painting. Still, I can’t help but feel bad for the kids driving the 2010 GT-R’s. I mean come on, those things are only worth like $70K now. HAHA — YOUR PARENTS ARE POOR AND DON’T LOVE YOU! Kidding, KIDDING (but only about the poor part). Police grab $2 million worth of cars after Canadian street race [cnn] Thanks to comfort eagle, always so relaxing to watch soaring high, high up in the sky.

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$2M In Sports Cars Impounded After 2 Fast ‘N Furious Canadians Street Race To Dinner

Ever wanted to take a helium balloon to the face and talk funny ride to the edge of space? Me neither. Like I told my mechanic: add rockets or GTFO. “Bloon” is a six-person pod designed by Spanish company zero2infinity that will rise to the edge of the atmosphere, powered by a helium balloon. The cabin holds four passengers and two pilots for the three-hour flight, 36km above the earth’s surface. The flights will launch at night, so passengers can watch the sun rise over the curvature of the earth. While admiring the world from near space, in-flight information about the altitude and range of view will be displayed directly on the pod’s windows. To return to earth, the helium is vented slowly, then the balloon or sail separates from the pod, deploying a parafoil. The pod pops its airbags and is guided in for a landing. Bloon uses zero propellants, so there are no emissions or noise pollution. A trip will set you back ~$168K, making it far more temping to just tie a bunch of helium balloons to a lawn chair and do it yourself. Just don’t forget to wear a fishbowl for a helmet — there’s a lot less oxygen up there. Also: fast food drive-ins, so be sure to eat before take off. Space travel powered by helium balloon [bbcnews] Thanks to Irina, who tried catapulting herself into space but didn’t even make it past the blogosphere. That…is not very far.

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Wheee!: Balloon Rides To The Edge Of Space

56-year old British comedic actor Rowan Atkinson, best known for playing the lovable passive-aggressive goofus (like me!) ‘Mr. Bean’, recently crashed his McLaren F1 (1 of 64 made — AND THE SECOND TIME HE’S DONE IT ) in Petersborough, England and is currently recovering from a minor shoulder injury. But that’s not the important part of the story, the important part is my dad sent me this tip . Wait — you, uh, read all of these things I say? “Nobody does, son.” My father, ladies and gentlemen — funniest man on the planet! ‘Mr. Bean’ actor Rowan Atkinson crashes his $1 million supercar [msnbc] Thanks to my dad, who taught me everything I know about funny. Hey, you know what they say: the partridge never falls far from the pear tree.

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Mr. Bean Crashed His $1 Millon McLaren F1

This is a picture of a luxury car pileup in Monaco. It makes me sad and happy at the same time because 1. it’s always sad to see something beautiful get damaged *eyes own battle-scarred face in mirror* but 2. I have a thing against insanely rich people. “Oh you jelly, GW?” Damn yeah I’m jelly! I’m Smucker’s as a mutherf***er. The wealthy French Riviera city state of Monaco was the scene of a pileup involving five luxury cars with an estimated value of more than $1.1 million. The collision, involving a Bentley Azure (worth an estimated $400,000), a Mercedes S Class ($120,000), a Ferrari F430 ($230,000), an Aston Martin Rapide ($230,000) and a Porsche 911 ($130,000), occurred in front of Monaco’s Place du Casino, according to Sky News. The British TV network reported that the incident began when the Bentley scraped the side of the Mercedes before plowing into the Ferrari. Then, the Bentley proceeded to run into the Aston Martin and the Porsche . Haha! So basically it was all the Bentley driver’s fault. *eying driver in picture* Oh look, it’s…”Don’t do it, GW!” Fine, FINE, but only because I backed through my garage door yesterday. Even the crashes are stylish: Million-dollar wreck in Monaco [msnbc] Thanks to Mr. Fancy, who may or may yes have been driving the Aston Martin.

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Oh You Know, It’s Just A Bentley, Mercedes, Ferrari, Aston Martin & Porsche Car Crash

Ladies: they wear makeup . Some guys too but that’s between me and my eyebrow pencil. Enter makeup handguns from Dutch designer Ted Noten (NOT Nugent). They don’t pack heat, but they do pack a bunch of overpriced garbage. Plus — PLUS — you might get shot just because you wanted to ‘freshen up’. Did I mention they cost between $11,500 - $17,000? Because they do that too. *eyeroll, stomach-roll* the guns are formed from 3D-printed nylon and come in two different models. The Dior001, which has Dior lip gloss, an antique hairpin, storage for pills, a USB stick ?and a 100-gram sterling silver bar, and the Chanel001, which stores Chanel lip gloss, an antique hairpin, a 18k gold toothpick, a perfume bottle with an 18k gold mechanism, a 50-gram 24kt gold bar, a USB stick, and a Viagra pill. A gold bar and a Viagra pill? They should’ve named that model ‘The Gold-Digger’! Get it? To get an old dude’s boner up and then take his money! Jesus, this isn’t rocket surgery folks. Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of all the shit they’ve packed inside.

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A Makeup-Filled Handgun For The Ladies

A bottle of absinthe, a $500 phone app and a removed wristwatch? Somebody’s trying to kill themself. Remember the $1,000 ‘I Am Rich’ iPhone app that doesn’t do anything except let other people know you’re actually stupid enough to pay $1,000 for an app that doesn’t do anything? Well now there’s a version available for Windows 7 phones at the low, low cost of $500. Jesus, now every peon and peasant in the countryside is gonna own the thing! Still, I recommend you buy it. That way everybody you’re trying to impress actually knows you’re rich. Also, about to get hit over the head with a sockful of Skittles and your wallet stolen. I Am Rich App Hits Windows Phone 7 [ohgizmo] Thanks to Sharon, who’s so rich she actually signs up for 2-year cell phone contracts and then breaks them just to spend money. LOLWTF LADY?!

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Well It’s About Freakin’ Time!: ‘I Am Rich’ App Now Available For Windows Phones

I hate myself for even using the term bling bling but I assure you I’ll take it out on my liver in just a little bit. But before the ritualistic alcohol abuse begins, here’s a $60K iPhone case made out of t-rex teeth and meteors . Ironic, don’t you think? Making a phone case out of sexiest beasts that ever lived and the very thing that killed them. Stuart Hughes is back at it again, tricking out iPhones in ridiculously outrageous jewels. His iPhone 4 “HISTORY Edition” is a customization unlike any other we’ve ever seen. The back of the HISTORY Edition iPhone 4 isn’t cut from glass — it’s made from the tooth of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and meteoric stone that’s dated back some 65 million years ago. Hughes is only going to make 10 of these hideous iPhones, with each going for about $62,700. The reason for such a design? Hughes wanted to make something “fierce.” Hey Stewart — mind if I call you Stewie? No? Too bad. Listen Stewie, if you wanted to make something “fierce”, an iPhone IS NOT THE PLATFORM TO BEGIN WITH. I don’t care if you wrap the thing in knives and razor wire, IT WILL NEVER BE FIERCE, only painful to answer. Your iPhone 4 made of glass? Nice, mine is made from a T-Rex’s tooth [dvice] Thanks to Kevin G, blueAlien, tkuper05, Mih0 and frankie, who all have phone cases made with real space technology stripped from alien spaceships that crash-landed here on earth. GTFO!

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Move Over, Platinum And Gold!: Dinosaur Teeth And Meteors — The New Bling Bling