Black Astrum is a London based company that’ll make you $1,500 apiece business cards inlaid with diamonds and gold. Except not really because you have to be INVITED to have the cards made. OH WHAT, MY MONEY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! Sufian Khawaja, Black Astrum’s concept director says, “We’ve had several enquiries from American celebrities and international businessmen, however our cards are offered by invitation only, reflecting our desire to serve only the most premier individuals”. The cards were originally created as a one-off project for a wealthy Middle Eastern family. Since its exclusively customized to a client’s specifications, the cost of making varies. However, the company states that the average selling price per card is about the 1000 ($1,500), and it is sold in sets of 25, 50 and 100 cards. Yeaaaaaaah , if you’re the kind of person that can drop $150,000 on 100 business cards, do you really NEED business cards? Because if I had that kind of money I’d greet everyone I met with an uppercut. F*** you, I’m rich! Product Site (you’re too poor to click, don’t even bother) via World’s most expensive business card is diamond studded and costs $1500 a pop [luxurylaunches] Thanks to Erin, who agrees if there’s one person who deserves $1,500 business cards, it’s me. I know, right? Maybe the mailman put my invitation in the wrong apartment box.

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You’re Out Of Your Mind: $1,500 Business Cards

This is the Anliker McLaren SLR 999 Red Gold Dream. It started as a Mercedes SLR McLaren , but apparently after you do so much gaudy shit to something you get to rename it. You and I will now refer to it as the USS Boobooprise. It was created under the watchful retarded eye of Swiss entrepreneur Ueli Anliker, who clearly has no concept of class, or fear of being blinded while driving. The garish body has 25 layers of red paint with 5kg of gold dust worked into it. Each of the car’s wheels are covered in 24 carat gold as are the headlights and door sills And the car’s supercharged 5.4-litre engine has had power boosted from 640bhp to 999bhp - giving it a top speed of more than 210mph. Inside, there are jewelled indicators, a gold-trimmed interior and steering wheel and ruby-covered switchgear. In total there are more than 600 rubies within the car’s interior, which would have cost around 300,000 [~$470K] before the staggering overhaul. Mr Anliker is now selling the Mercedes with a ‘minimum’ price-tag of 7 million [~$11-million] - making it the world’s most expensive vehicle for sale on the open market. *spitting Carnation Instant Breakfast* $11-million?! WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?! How anyone who’s clearly such a piss-poor decision maker has been able to make money in this world is blowing my mind right now. I mean, sure, maybe I have a pair of panties hanging from my rearview, but come on, that’s classy . “And the skull gearshift knob?” The shrunken head of an enemy. Hit the jump for a bunch more of the WTFery plus a video.

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Man Transforms Mercedes McLaren Into Giant POS

Now I know what you’re wondering, “WTF SORT OF SORCERY SHITTERY IS THIS?” And I’m right there with you. As a matter of fact, we’re holding hands . No, no we’re not. But I am trying to inconspicuously touch your butt with my leg. “You’re that guy from the bus!” FUFUFUFUUUUUUUU!! *pulling wire to get off at next stop* BEHRINGER, award-winning innovator of affordable professional audio and music equipment, is excited to announce the launch of the Eurosound consumer electronics brand — concert quality sound at an amazing value. To celebrate the launch, BEHRINGER will unveil the iNuke Boom, the loudest iPod and iPhone dock you’ve ever heard at CES 2012. The $29,999.99 monster speaker system measures a whopping 8 feet wide by 4 feet tall, weighs over 700 pounds and pumps out over 10,000 Watts of power. First of all, nobody wants or needs an 8′ x 4′, 700-lb boombox. You’ll never be able to carry that on one shoulder. Secondly, why the f*** did you name the new brand Eurosound? Is there something special about the sound in Europe? Because one time I backpacked across the entire country and it sounded pretty normal to me. “Europe isn’t a country.” And I don’t own a backpack! Press Release via Get Giant Sound With Giant iNuke Boom [incrediblethings] Thanks to Princess Yumyum, who will help me build you a custom giant iPhone dock that fits your house perfectly AND FOR THE HALF THE PRICE. Jk jk, but we will steal everything that isn’t bolted down and make out in your shower (if it’s a walk-in).

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10,000-Watt iPhone Boombox Is The Size Of A Room

13 exotic sports cars and a Prius were involved in a pileup in Japan over the weekend, with damages to the vehicles estimated as high as $4-million. And that’s not including the Prius. Those things are exorbitant! Also, absorbent (I’ve wiped with one before when they ran out of TP at a music festival). But local authorities say it likely wasn’t a case of “The Fast and the Furious.” Although the investigation is continuing, based on initial interviews, the type of the damage the vehicles suffered and injuries, authorities said they don’t believe the cars were burning rubber as per the highway throwdowns made famous in the street racer movie series. Instead, wet road conditions may have caused the first car, a Ferrari driven by a 60-year-old male, to slip on the two-lane highway and smash into a guard rail. Cars behind then added to the pile-up as they tried to screech on the brakes. Man that sucks. Here I am with ZERO Ferraris and there are people out there crashing eight of them at a time. It ain’t right! I mean, I deserve a sports car. “You don’t even have a license.” Exactly, so I’ll never crash it. “Or drive.” You’re right — flight simulator it is. Hit the jump for several more shots and a news video of the carnage.

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Car Crash In Japan Claims 8 Ferraris, 3 Mercedes, A Lamborghini Diablo, Nissan GT-R And A Prius

Note: Picture is of Volkswagen’s 20-story robotic parking garage. A $650-million, 57-story highrise designed by Porsche is going up in Sunny Isles Beach, Florida and will feature a robotic car elevator that takes condo owners directly to their door while still in the vehicle. That…sounds convenient. Convenient and terrifying. I guess that’s the price you pay for not having to carry groceries. Carry groceries, LOL — units are $9-million . After the resident pulls over and switches off the engine, a robotic arm that works much like an automatic plank will scoop up the car and put it into the elevator. Once at the desired floor, the same robotic arm will park the car, leaving the resident nearly in front of his front door. The glass elevators will give residents and their guests unparalleled views of the city or of the ocean during their high-speed ride, expected to last 45 to 90 seconds. The 57-story luxury tower will have 132 units. Smaller units will be allocated two parking spaces and larger ones will have four, with 284 robotic parking spaces in total. There will be three elevators. Residents will be able to see their cars from their living rooms. Can you hear that? It’s my Explorer crying because he’ll never get to experience this. “He’s not crying , he’s leaking oil.” Yeah I call that crying. “Well at least put a flattened piece of cardboard down.” Tissues — I call those tissues. At planned Sunny Isles Beach condo, cars and drivers ride elevator home [miamiherald] Thanks to daniel, who just lands his helicopter on the roof like a normal filthy rich person.

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57-Story Porsche Designed Highrise Features Car Elevator That Drops Both Car And Resident Off At Unit

This is Justin Bibber’s (I feel like if I never acknowledge him by spelling his name right maybe he’ll go away) Batman Cadillac. It looks pretty cool. Well, at least until there’s a scrawny 17-year old behind the wheel . Then it looks completely f***ing ridiculous. Dubbed the Bat-illac [GW's note: I vote Beibmobile], the car is actually a Cadillac CTS-V customized by Ryan Friedlinghaus, the founder of West Coast Customs and star of the TLC reality series Street Customs…The Batman tribute features the comic book character’s logo on the front and back of the car, with doors that open in reverse similar to the Rolls Royce Drop Head Phantom Coup, and even has a “batmobile” nameplate on the trunk. Good choice, Justin. Because if there’s one thing I think when I think Batman IT’S A TWINKY 120-POUND R&B SINGER. Shit, even given your entire adult life you’ll never be half as manly as Robin and he’s 3/4’s lady. Hit the jump for a bunch more, the last of which includes the boy-wonder himself looking suspiciously like a miniature Tosh.0.

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Justin Beeber’s Custom Batman Cadillac

Because most rich-ass people got no damn class, Robert Glpen (yeah — gulpin’ down endangered fish caviar on a yacht probably!) is selling this 1/8-scale diamond and jewel encrusted Lamborghini Aventador at auction for $4.8-million. Allegedly, the car has over $2.7-million in gems and exotic metals and Robert spent over 500 man-hours putting it all together. Which means… $4,800,000 -$2,700,000 $2,100,000 $2,100,000 500 = $4,200 Oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no your time isn’t worth got-damn $4,200/hour, Robert! WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?! Hit the jump for the smarmiest-ass smile I’ve seen in a long time.

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1/8-Scale Jeweled Lamborghini Selling For $4.7 Million, Actual Car Only $380K

Police in Vancouver, British Columbia impounded 13 exotic sports cars after their drivers decided to race them to dinner on the highway at speeds in excess of 120MPH. No word on what restaurant they were going to, but that shit must be f***in’ goooooooood. What the racers, who police said are all under age 21 , won’t get is harsh punishment. “Each driver will be charged with Driving without Reasonable Consideration and receive a violation ticket with a specified penalty of $196. Additionally, these drivers will be responsible for all associated towing and storage charges,” according to the RCMP press release. That’s because police didn’t actually catch them in the act and acted only on witness accounts. They weren’t caught on radar, video or seen by a police officer, Superintendent Norm Gaumont, RCMP officer in charge of traffic enforcement for the Lower Mainland, told the Surrey Now newspaper. The cars: 2007 Ferrari 599 2010 Lamborghini Gallardo 2010 Lamborghini Gallardo 2009 Lamborghini Gallardo 2009 Audi R8 2012 Nissan GT-R 2010 Nissan GT-R 2010 Nissan GT-R 2010 Maserati Turismo 2010 Maserati Turismo 2011 Mercedes SL63 2011 Mercedes SLS 2005 Aston Martin DB9 Whoa whoa whoa — THEY WERE ALL UNDER 21?! God I hate rich, spoiling parents. You know why? Because they raise dickweeds . Me? I’m a vaginaflower. Like something straight out of a Georgia O’Keefe painting. Still, I can’t help but feel bad for the kids driving the 2010 GT-R’s. I mean come on, those things are only worth like $70K now. HAHA — YOUR PARENTS ARE POOR AND DON’T LOVE YOU! Kidding, KIDDING (but only about the poor part). Police grab $2 million worth of cars after Canadian street race [cnn] Thanks to comfort eagle, always so relaxing to watch soaring high, high up in the sky.

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$2M In Sports Cars Impounded After 2 Fast ‘N Furious Canadians Street Race To Dinner

Ever wanted to take a helium balloon to the face and talk funny ride to the edge of space? Me neither. Like I told my mechanic: add rockets or GTFO. “Bloon” is a six-person pod designed by Spanish company zero2infinity that will rise to the edge of the atmosphere, powered by a helium balloon. The cabin holds four passengers and two pilots for the three-hour flight, 36km above the earth’s surface. The flights will launch at night, so passengers can watch the sun rise over the curvature of the earth. While admiring the world from near space, in-flight information about the altitude and range of view will be displayed directly on the pod’s windows. To return to earth, the helium is vented slowly, then the balloon or sail separates from the pod, deploying a parafoil. The pod pops its airbags and is guided in for a landing. Bloon uses zero propellants, so there are no emissions or noise pollution. A trip will set you back ~$168K, making it far more temping to just tie a bunch of helium balloons to a lawn chair and do it yourself. Just don’t forget to wear a fishbowl for a helmet — there’s a lot less oxygen up there. Also: fast food drive-ins, so be sure to eat before take off. Space travel powered by helium balloon [bbcnews] Thanks to Irina, who tried catapulting herself into space but didn’t even make it past the blogosphere. That…is not very far.

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Wheee!: Balloon Rides To The Edge Of Space

56-year old British comedic actor Rowan Atkinson, best known for playing the lovable passive-aggressive goofus (like me!) ‘Mr. Bean’, recently crashed his McLaren F1 (1 of 64 made — AND THE SECOND TIME HE’S DONE IT ) in Petersborough, England and is currently recovering from a minor shoulder injury. But that’s not the important part of the story, the important part is my dad sent me this tip . Wait — you, uh, read all of these things I say? “Nobody does, son.” My father, ladies and gentlemen — funniest man on the planet! ‘Mr. Bean’ actor Rowan Atkinson crashes his $1 million supercar [msnbc] Thanks to my dad, who taught me everything I know about funny. Hey, you know what they say: the partridge never falls far from the pear tree.

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Mr. Bean Crashed His $1 Millon McLaren F1