This is a video of some lunatic talking about elves and how you can attract them with pineapples and chopsticks and a million other things he came up with in his LSD -riddled mind. Say — did you know elves are the official caretakers of the unicorns ? I’m not even kidding, he says that. Too bad we all know it’s actually the forest nymphs, hack! Captain Crazy also made a video where he shifts his focus to leprechauns, which I took the liberty of embedding after the jump as well. You know, just in case eight minutes of elf-rambling isn’t enough for you. Which let’s be honest, never is. Do Smurfs next you crazy f***! Hit the jump for more crazy than you can shake an elf-attracting chopstick at.

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You’re Nuts: Crazy Guy Talking About Elves

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn’t. I have no idea whether it’s fake or not (I don’t think it is), but that’s not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn’t be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they’re driving me to the mall with my friends). And I’m not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning. Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

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Why Parents Shouldn’t Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

Aliens are real , here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar ‘Aliens In My Ass’ Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell they are. “It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence,” said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. “I call upon our government to open up … and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization.” Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: “We have that, it’s just that it’s been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government,” adding that “there’s a secret government” that may be run by the “military-industrial complex.” Listen, Edgar ‘Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae’ Mitchell — everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us . The problem is, you can’t go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot…. …. …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! CURL: Astronaut says we’re not alone [washingtonpost] Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn’t have to worry about aliens as much because they can’t swim.

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Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo