This is a video of Jean-Yves Blondeau, aka Rollerman ( previously featured in 2007 !) showing just what his 31-wheeled rollerblade suit is capable of. Which, SPOILER: going downhill really f***ing fast. Hit the jump for Captain Deathwish in HD action.

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Dangerous: Guy With A Suit Made Out Of Rollerblades Flying Down A Mountain, Passing Motorcycle

If eyes really are the windows to the soul YOU’VE GOT TWO GIANT GAPING HOLES IN THE SIDE OF YOUR HOUSE BRO. These are the mummified remains of an alien found in Peru. Sure you might think they’re just the remains of a person born with a really unfortunate dome , but no, they’re from an alien. Spanish and Russian doctors agree, yo. You can’t argue with that level of international consensus! Website RPP is claiming that Renato Davila Riquelme, an anthropologist working at the Privado Ritos Andinos museum in Cusco, has discovered remains of something that isn’t human. Measuring at 20 inches tall, the tiny remains were originally believed to be that of a child, but Spanish and Russian doctors disagree, saying: “It has a non-human appearance because the head is triangular and big, almost the same size as the body. At first we believed it to be a child’s body until Spanish and Russian doctors came and confirmed that, yes, it’s an extraterrestrial being. Now I’m not saying these “doctors” should probably lose their licenses for sucking at their jobs, but do you really want surgery performed by somebody who can’t tell an asshole from an elbow? “Well, GW, the good news is we were able to successfully remove the tumor from your leg.” And the bad news?! “We took your penis first by accident.” WHAT?! “Aaaaaaaaand sewed your butthole closed.” I’m gonna explode! Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the not-so-crystal skull.

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WTF!: Giant Alien Skull Unearthed In Peru

Hell no I’m not giving you a high-five — and put those titties away, gramma! This is a video of Carrie Fisher looking more like a f***ing alien than Princess Leia (is that rhinestone eyeshadow?!) responding to William Shatner’s video about how much better Star Trek is than Star Wars in a feeble attempt to stay relevant. I hope you know I’m being honest when I say it sucks so hard I couldn’t finish watching it. Hit the jump and be stupider because of it.

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You…Are A Crazy Person: Carrie Fisher Talking About How Much Better Star Wars Is Than Star Trek

This is a picture of the carved vegetable alien corpse Russian cat lady Marta Yegorovnam has been keeping in her fridge for the past two years after pulling it from the wreckage of a crashed UFO in 2009. The best part? She’s still been using the fridge for food storage. You’re f***ing nasty as shit! She says she approached the flaming wreckage and crumpled metal which she described as ‘unbearably hot’ and near the twisted hulk lay the dead alien. The ‘creature’ is two feet long, has an enormous head, large bulbous eyes and an appearance somewhere between a fish and a humanoid. It also appears to have what looks like a string-like arm protruding from its body. The footage was unearthed by noted paranormal writer and expert Michael Cohen. ["Noted" paranormal writer Michael] Cohen, 40, said: ‘This could be an elaborate hoax, however the possibility that this might be a genuine alien should not be discounted. LOL @ “this could be an elaborate hoax”. Elaborate , really? Some crazy Russian lady CARVED A F***ING WATERMELON, she didn’t orchestrate a fake moon landing. This sounds like the kind of guy who’d shit bricks if you pulled a coin out of his ear. Hit the jump for two more shots, including one with a ruler. You know, for scientific-ness.

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Another Day, Another Russian Woman Who’s Kept An Alien Corpse In Her Refrigerator For Two Years

Charlie is a 14-year old kitty that had to have the tip of his nose and ears removed due to skin cancer. He’s fine now except the animal shelter he’s at fears he’ll never get adopted because he looks like Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series. Really? I’m surprised some crazy cat lady hasn’t adopted him because he looks like Voldemort and would complete her live Harry Potter pet collection. You’re sick and you need to get better, lady! Workers at the Blue Cross animal charity say visitors have been scared off by the white cat’s resemblance to Ralph Fiennes’ character in the blockbuster movies. And the similarities don’t end there as Charlie must now live in solitude since he fell out with other animals at the sanctuary. Now he sits alone, staring out of his castle cage, waiting to be freed. ‘He looks you in the eye when you talk to him, loves fuss, lots of tickles and cuddles and wants to be near you. *sobbing* GOD I’LL TAKE HIM, OKAY?! You see, I don’t know anything about the Harry Potter series because I and most REAL WIZARDS don’t appreciate that no-blood puggle or whatever Miss Rowlings spouting off about things she obviously knows nothing about. ONLY WITCHES KNOW MAGIC! *readying the fire* So, what’s it gonna be: Liar? Or witch? Choose carefully but we still burn both. UPDATE : Charlie has been adopted by a woman who does not give a shit about Harry Potter. Hit the jump for several more shots, including one of Lord Voldemort for comparison. The nose, similarity ends at the nose.

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Cat That Looks Like Harry Potter’s Lord Voldemort Has Trouble Getting Adopted

This is a video of a bunch of Russian dipshits on a precarious looking roof sledding off with a homemade bungee cord (which may or may not be a bunch of soiled bedsheets tied together) attached. I was convinced the stunt would prove to be certain death, but somehow the girl (note: ALWAYS make the girl go first) survived to scream her f***ing face off and smack into a wall . Just kidding, she doesn’t actually hit a wall, but damn if I wasn’t praying she would. “Uh — GW? You shouldn’t really waste prayers on hoping somebody gets hurt.” YEAH? WELL YOU SHOULDN’T REALLY WASTE YOUR BREATH TRYING TO CHANGE THINGS THAT NEVER WILL. Learn to pick your battles, Napoleon! Hit the jump for the WTFery in action.

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Idiot Morons Sled Bungeeing Off Snowy Roof

Steve Bolton (Michael’s talentless brother) is a British man who recently changed his name to Buzz Lightyear . Possibly to hit on children. A mechanic from West Bromwich, who considers himself to be the world’s biggest ‘Toy Story’ fan , has officially changed his name to Buzz Lightyear. Such was Steve Bolton’s love for the first two movies, he decided to do something special for the launch of ‘Toy Story 3′, so the 26-year-old contacted the UK Deed Poll Service and paid for the name change. Now he can legally have “Buzz Lightyear” on his passport (whether the destination “infinity and beyond” is acknowledged remains to be seen), credit cards etc. Oh so you’re the biggest ‘Toy Story’ fan, are you Steve? Well I’ve got news for you: THERE’S NO F***ING WAY. There are kids out there that love those movies more than you’ve ever loved anything in your life. Just sayin’, if I ripped Woody’s arms off would you crap your pants and cry all day? Exactly. British ‘Toy Story’ fan gets a Buzz out of name change [yahoo] Thanks to littlezan and Woody (or it will be when the paperwork comes through), who really are the biggest ‘Toy Story’ fans and have the tattoos to prove it. Suck it, Steve!

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Man Legally Changes Name To Buzz Lightyear

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn’t. I have no idea whether it’s fake or not (I don’t think it is), but that’s not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn’t be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they’re driving me to the mall with my friends). And I’m not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning. Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

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Why Parents Shouldn’t Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

Aliens are real , here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar ‘Aliens In My Ass’ Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell they are. “It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence,” said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. “I call upon our government to open up … and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization.” Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: “We have that, it’s just that it’s been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government,” adding that “there’s a secret government” that may be run by the “military-industrial complex.” Listen, Edgar ‘Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae’ Mitchell — everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us . The problem is, you can’t go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot…. …. …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! CURL: Astronaut says we’re not alone [washingtonpost] Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn’t have to worry about aliens as much because they can’t swim.

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Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo