Dividing 1 by 998001 gives every three digit number from 001 to 999 in order. Dividing 1 by 9801 will give every two digit number from 01 to 99 in order. Ooooooor you can type in 5318008 and show it to everyone upside down and we’ll all have a laugh about it in Algebra before going back to playing drug dealer on our TI-82s (I went to high school in the 90’s, kids — we didn’t have T-1000’s or whatever the hell they’re up to now). Take One and Divide it By 998001 For Surprising Results [geekosystem] Thanks to Donald, who felt obligated to include the whole joke equation that yields ‘55378008′ in his tip and I don’t blame him.

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Well That’s…Something: 1 Divided By 998001

If eyes really are the windows to the soul YOU’VE GOT TWO GIANT GAPING HOLES IN THE SIDE OF YOUR HOUSE BRO. These are the mummified remains of an alien found in Peru. Sure you might think they’re just the remains of a person born with a really unfortunate dome , but no, they’re from an alien. Spanish and Russian doctors agree, yo. You can’t argue with that level of international consensus! Website RPP is claiming that Renato Davila Riquelme, an anthropologist working at the Privado Ritos Andinos museum in Cusco, has discovered remains of something that isn’t human. Measuring at 20 inches tall, the tiny remains were originally believed to be that of a child, but Spanish and Russian doctors disagree, saying: “It has a non-human appearance because the head is triangular and big, almost the same size as the body. At first we believed it to be a child’s body until Spanish and Russian doctors came and confirmed that, yes, it’s an extraterrestrial being. Now I’m not saying these “doctors” should probably lose their licenses for sucking at their jobs, but do you really want surgery performed by somebody who can’t tell an asshole from an elbow? “Well, GW, the good news is we were able to successfully remove the tumor from your leg.” And the bad news?! “We took your penis first by accident.” WHAT?! “Aaaaaaaaand sewed your butthole closed.” I’m gonna explode! Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the not-so-crystal skull.

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WTF!: Giant Alien Skull Unearthed In Peru

Note: The high-res versions of the landing sites are HERE (Apollo 12), HERE (Apollo 14) and HERE (Apollo 17). You know how your grandma is still convinced the moon landing never happened and it was all faked by Hollywood ? She’s a smart lady, I can see where you get it from. This is a series of high-res photos from NASA showing the Apollo 12, 14 and 17 landing sites and the imprints left by humanity there. Granted they were all faked in the Photoshop building at Area 54, but they’re still fun to look at. So yeah, if you don’t like them you should probably consider take a long walk off a short pier into the sea. “Of Tranquility?!” Dude — you should f***ing blog. Hit the jump for a couple videos because videos are worth a thousand pictures or something. At least a hundred.

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You Can Even See The Tire Tracks!: NASA’s High-Res Pictures The Apollo Landing Sites

ATTRACTIVE LIKE MAGNETS. PLUS PRETTY! Am, uh, am I the only one here that didn’t know the earth was magnetic ? “Oh God , tell me you’re joking.” APRIL FOOLS’!!!!!11 No but seriously that was news to me. A European spacecraft has mapped the Earth’s gravity with unrivalled precision - a feat that may ultimately help scientists predict earthquakes. Scientists say the images will be crucial in measuring ocean circulation, sea-level change and ice dynamics - all driven by gravity - as the planet warms in response to climate change. From the measurements, scientists have created a computer model called a geoid that shows what the Earth would look like if its shape was altered to make gravity equal at every point - an “ideal global ocean”. The map, revealed by scientists from the European Space Agency at a workshop in Munich this week, shows the areas of strongest gravity in yellow and the weakest in blue. A geoid, huh? More like an Everlasting Gobstopper! *licking monitor* Mmmm, tastes like Mountain Dew! “Of course it does numbnuts, I can see where you spilled Dew on the screen.” Wait — now it’s Cheetos! “Trying to grab 3-D internet titties?” THEY LOOK SO REAL. Gravity’s impact on Earth revealed in brilliant colour [sydneymorningherald] Thanks to Joseph, who agrees this is all a conspiracy BECAUSE MAGNETS DON’T STICK TO THE GROUND. Try explaining that one, “science”!

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Attractive: A Map Of Earth’s Gravitational Fields

Note: Full resolution version available HERE for those of you without HD laser vision. Suckers! This is a diagram showing the incestuous relationships between the various car manufacturers . I found it pretty eye-opening. For example, did you know Honda is actually a wholly owned subsidiary of a Norwegian car manufacturer? Just kidding, I made that up because all the lines started hurting my eyes. Like when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Which — anybody seen a grocery bag lying around here? It has a face drawn on one side. Who Owns Who: An Automaker Family Tree [jalopnik]

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Diagram Showing The Relationships Of Car Makers To One Another (Looks Incestuous)

Wonderful news: apparently my only remaining love in life might be slowly killing me. That’s right — box-springs may act as giant radiation-spewing antennas, filling our bodies with the nasty while we sleep . And all this from trying to figure out why breast cancer is 10% more likely to appear in the left boobie than the right. GOD, JUST TAKE ME NOW! *eying margarita on nightstand* Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast big guy — I’ve been saved. The research, carried out by Hallberg Independent Research and the Karolinska Institute, both in Sweden, attempts to correlate the fact that most people tend to sleep on their right side and that the length of a box spring mattress in America is exactly the right length to make it act as an amplifier for FM and TV waves. “Thus, as we sleep on our coil-spring mattresses, we are in effect sleeping on an antenna that amplifies the intensity of the broadcast FM/TV radiation,” writes Scientific American. “Asleep on these antennas, our bodies are exposed to the amplified electromagnetic radiation for a third of our life spans.” The radiation would be the strongest almost a meter above the surface of the box spring, which would mean that the side of your body that you’re not sleeping on would get hit the hardest. In most cases, that’d be your left. Sounds pretty convincing, doesn’t it? Too bad it’s all fake research. I’ve got two words for you: Tempur-Pedic conspiracy . Kidding, I’m not really one of those crazy conspiracy theorists (It’s those asshats over at Sleep Number and I know it!). Great, even our beds could be causing cancer [dvice] and Your Boxspring Could Be Acting as a Gigantic, Cancer-Causing Radiation Antenna [gizmodo]

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Of Course, The One Thing I Love Is Killing Me: Beds May Emit Raditation, Cause Cancer

Apparently air traffic control at Xiaoshan Airport in China spotted a UFO on radar and was forced to divert flights until E.T. phoned the f*** home. Arcing over Zhejiang’s provincial capital Hangzhou, the UFO appeared to glow with an eerie white light and left a bright trail in its wake. Stunned witnesses reported seeing a comet-like fireball in the sky and a number of local residents took photos of the strange ball of light. ‘The thing suddenly ran westwards fast, like it was escaping from something,’ he said. Running from something is right. It’s called US. “This planet is a shithole, lets GTFO and hit that titty bar.” “The Milky Way?” “You know it, brotha — high-tentacle!” Chinese airport closed after fiery UFO is spotted flying over city [dailymail] Thanks to Romeo, Jordan and Peter Pan > Jiff, who would have PEWed that sucker out of sky, full-nelsoned those alien scumbags, and beat the secrets of the universe out of their bug-eyed brains.

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Airport Closes After UFO Spotted In China

This is an Australian wind farm that, when viewed from above, looks suspiciously like a bunch of USB cables . What’s up with that?! Now I’m not saying this proves my conspiracy theory about the Australian government being infiltrated by aliens so they can use the continent as a docking station for their USB-powered space ships, but I think the photo speaks for itself. And — not to brag or anything, but I DO live in a giant Monster brand HDMI connector. Suck it, peasants! Google Maps and Giant USB Spaghetti Cable Monster Invades Australia [gizmodo] Thanks to GuamOtoko and Blaqk Panda, who both live in giant 3 inch floppy drives.

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Google Maps Spots Australian USB Farm

Did you know Super Mario 3 was actually just a play ? I did, because I’m observant. Yeah, CSI wanted me to join their team but I turned them down because I don’t do dead bodies . Figuratively or literally. Sure I poked a run-over opossum with a stick once BUT ONLY CAUSE HE WAS GIVING ME THE STINK-EYE. Super Mario Bros 3 Never Happened [animenews] Thanks to GuamOtoko, who played a flying turtle and said all the hoisting up and down made him puke.

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Conspiracy!: Super Mario 3 Never Happened

Aliens are real , here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar ‘Aliens In My Ass’ Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell they are. “It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence,” said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. “I call upon our government to open up … and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization.” Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: “We have that, it’s just that it’s been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government,” adding that “there’s a secret government” that may be run by the “military-industrial complex.” Listen, Edgar ‘Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae’ Mitchell — everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us . The problem is, you can’t go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot…. …. …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! CURL: Astronaut says we’re not alone [washingtonpost] Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn’t have to worry about aliens as much because they can’t swim.

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Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo