Because men are constantly on the lookout for something that, if found by another human being, will forever brand them the saddest kind of pervert, somebody designed an iPad case with an integrated Fleshlight holder. For you innocent readers out there, a Fleshlight is a fake vagina. For you not so innocent readers , it’s the thing you bought in multiple colors and textures. So yeah, you watch p0rn and pretend you’re with the girl in the video or picture or whatever. Now my imagination is pretty good, but there is NO WAY my brain would ever let me pretend I was doing anything but having shameful, depressing sex with a $600 tablet and fake vagina. “I keep it real.” My brain, ladies and gentlemen. Also, remind me to never borrow my friend Dave’s iPad again. He told me it was a cupholder! NSFW Fleshlipad: The FleshLight Holder iPad Case Concept of Digital Bliss [obviouswinner] NSFW and NSFW Designer’s Site NSFW Thanks to Yoog and Jordan, who agree this is not what Steve Jobs had in mind. Like, AT ALL.

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A New Low: iPad With Integrated Fleshlight Holder

THe e-Urinal is a terribly named conceptual pisser by Royce Zhang that has sensors capable of measuring your body’s most important health acronyms like PH/SG/URO/BLO/WBC/PRO/GLI/BIL/KET. Granted I have no clue what any of those are, or if it’s even possible to measure them measure them that fast, I’m just a man who is like, waaaaaaaay into urinals . *waiting for diagnosis* “CRITICAL HEALTH WARNING: YOUR URINE IS 85% VOMIT.” Woopsie daisy! *peeing on floor* Hit the jump for a couple more renderings of the urine luck and might not have to pee in a cup this time.

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Conceptual e-Urinal Tests Your Piss, Reports Health

This is a series of conceptual Evian water bottles designed by Mandy Brencys to look like both Star Wars characters AND lightsabers . Still, would you be willing to pay an extra $2 for a bottle of water that looks like a wookie-saber? Of course you would — look who I’m f***ing talking to. Evian Star Wars (on Marcy’s CargoCollective page) Thanks to PYY, who may or may yes be a water fairy. “Woodland.” She’s a woodland fairy.

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Conceptual Star Wars Character Evian Bottles

Dialug is a conceptual electrical outlet that’s rotatable so you can either set a plugged-in appliance for constant power or a limited amount of time. Can’t fall asleep without the light on but want it to go out after you’re under to save energy? I’m with you. Ghosts, right? Yeah, same here. I sleep naked and heard they can float through buttholes. Hit the jump for a couple more shots because I edited them before realizing they’re the exact same f***ing thing and what’s the purpose of even living anymore, God.

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Energy Saving Dialug Twist-Timer Wall Plugs

This is a conceptual chalkboard eraser that sucks in the dust from the board and makes new pieces of chalk with it. No clue how much dust it takes to actually create a fresh stick , but my guess is at least twice what it’d collect in a lifetime. As you erase the board, the Chalkeeper has a tiny vacuum motor that sucks up all of the dust and stores it inside the handle. That by itself would be a big improvement over the usual chalky mess, but this concept goes one step further by combining the chalk dust with heat and water to mold new chalk sticks. This is actually a pretty genius idea if you think about it because 1. chalk is cheap as f*** 2. I can’t remember the last time I even saw a chalk board and 3. the third world nations that actually still use chalkboards clearly have a budget for chalk-recycling erasers. Million dollar ideas, people. This eraser magically turns chalk dust into new chalk sticks [dvice] Thanks to The Professor, who still uses a chalkboard when he teachers because he likes the sound it makes when he’s writing. You’re sick.

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Board Eraser Turns Chalk Dust Into New Chalk

The day stiletto heel implants become reality is the day I’m slingshoting myself into the sun . And, knowing my luck, missing and winding up orbiting the solar system for all eternity. Remind me to pack cyanide capsules. Also: some really bright LEDs (I want children to be able to find me with a telescope). Hit the jump for one more shot of the you’ll never run again.

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For The Ladies: Conceptual Stiletto Implants

This is a 3-minute video mock-up of Toyota’s futuristic ‘Window to the World’ concept. Basically it’s a “smart” car window that allows a passenger to draw on it, display information (name, distance, etc.) about objects you’re passing, and even zoom in on them. Admittedly, it does seem pretty cool, but mostly just for a child. Adults would all be too busy with their noses in smartphones. Except me. I’d be drawing comical genitals on everyone we passed, leaving no wiener untouched . “Uh GW? You might want to rephrase that.” Leaving no ding-dong untouched. Hit the jump and skip around. Oooooooor don’t watch it at all, I’m not on Toyota’s payroll. Although I should be . Just sayin’: armrest slushy machines . Consider that my rsum.

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Toyota’s ‘(Car) Window To The World’ Concept

If I lost an arm I can’t say I’d run out to have the thing replaced with a tentacle . That’s just asking for people to stare (and children to run screaming). No, I’d opt for a laser cannon before anything else. You know, or a plastic cutlass if times are tough. Still, maybe you’d want one. Hey, I’m not here to judge, I’m here to — wait, why am I here? I was told there’d be free beer ! Kaylene Kau’s prosthetic arm isn’t your typical robot-arm. It doesn’t even have fingers — it’s flexible tentacle design would make for an excellent replacement hand for wielding a lightsaber. As a part of a student project, Kau was asked to “push the boundaries of current upper-limb prosthetic design.” Powered by a small motor and a set of cables, the tentacle shaped prosthetic arm curls its claw to grip objects. You know what? I change my mind about the whole laser cannon thing. I think I want a leg for an arm instead. That way I could run on all threes like a tricycle and hopefully win races. “GW, you sound mentally handicapped”. Special Olympics gold, baby! Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of the perfect arm to match your Cthulhu face.

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Just Like Doc Ock!: Prosthetic Tentacle Arms

I hate eating . It takes up precious time plus I’m fat . But what if homecooked meals were easier to make? THEY ARE, THEY’RE CALLED HOT POCKETS. But did that stop MIT cohorts Marcelo Coelho and Amit Zoran from conceptualizing this ‘Cornicopia’ digital food printer ? Oh hell nah son! this 3-D printer concept is a personal food factory that fuses the digital world with the realm of cooking by storing, precisely mixing, depositing, and cooking layers of ingredients with no waste. Cornucopias’ printing process begins with an array of food canisters filled with the “cook’s” foods of choice. After a meal selection has been made using the device’s multi-touch translucent screen, users are able to see their meal being assembled while simultaneously manipulating real-time parameters, such as calories or carbohydrate content. Each ingredient is then piped into a mixer and then very precisely extruded, allowing for very exact and elaborate combinations of food. Once each ingredient has been dropped, the food is then heated or cooled by Cornucopia’s chamber or via the heating and cooling tubes located on the printing head. Mmmm, that sounds….like Taco Bell. Great, now I want a cheesy gordita crunch. Oooh — and a Mexican pizza. Shit do they still sell Choco-Tacos? Because I will straight up crash my roommate’s Vespa through the drive-thru window if they do. Want anything? Four chalupas and a Baja Blast? YOU’LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT! Hit the jump for several more renderings.

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Print Me A Pizza!: MIT’s Digital Food Printer

Sure it may look like a spaceship’s cockpit , but it’s not! It’s the cockpit of Nissan’s Land Glider, a conceptual car design recently unveiled at the Tokyo Motor Show. This is the Nissan Land Glider, an electric car with two seats. it has a narrow body, which Nissan says will help reduce traffic congestion by allowing more cars in the same city space, as well as making parking easier. It has a balancing system to make it stable as it takes curves, compensating for inertia with the car’s body movement. I actually like it (hit the jump for more shots and a video). And not just because it looks skinny enough to bob and weave between a giant robot’s legs, but that’s something you have to think about when you’re in the market for a futuristic car. Also, standard weaponry and estimated RBI. Ha, what do you mean that’s a baseball stat? SHUT UP I KNOW CAR STUFF! Hit it for for more pictures and a 6:00 video.

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Not A Plane: Nissan’s Futuristic Land Glider