Because everyone was all, “oh no you di-in’t!” when Netflix announced their price-hike , the company has decided to split into two parts in a feeble attempt at damage control. The streaming company will still be called Netflix , but the DVD-by-mail portion will now be known as Qwikster, and will soon incorporate a video game upgrade option but NOT a price downgrade option. No word if they plan on rolling out a “curtained back of the rental store” porn service, but I’m not touching those discs if they do. Well, not without my gauntlets on anyway. Check out full coverage of the story over at IWATCHSTUFF.

Originally posted here:
Netflix Splitting Into Two Companies, Netflix For Streaming, Qwikster For DVDs & Games

Apple , a company best known for its popular Apple II computer system during the 80’s (right?), officially has more cash lying around than the US government. Uncle Sam? No — Uncle Jobs. Haha, what do you mean, “I want YOU”? Moooooooom — your brother’s being weird again! According to the latest statement from the U.S. Treasury, the government had an operating cash balance Wednesday of $73.8 billion. That’s still a lot of money, but it’s less than what Steve Jobs has lying around. Tech juggernaut Apple had a whopping $76.2 billion in cash and marketable securities at the end of June, according to its last earnings report. “We don’t let the cash burn a hole in the pocket or make stupid acquisitions,” CEO Jobs said last fall. “We’d like to continue to keep our powder dry because we think there are one or more strategic opportunities in the future.” “We’d like to continue to keep our powder dry”? What are you, stockpiling muskets or some shit? OMG, they’re forming a militia. *mounting pony* The flannel-coats are coming — THE FLANNEL-COATS ARE COMING! Apple now has more cash than the U.S. government [cnn] Thanks to killerabbit, who’ll slit your throat if you even think about touching one of his lucky feet.

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Apple: Now With More Cash Than The US Gov

J&D’s, the same company that brought us bacon mayonnaise , bacon lip balm , bacon envelopes and bacon popcorn , is back at it, this time with huffable bacon-flavored oxygen. But, before I go any further, TOMORROW IS APRIL FOOLS’ DAY — don’t let anybody fool you. So on that note, this is probably fake. Oooooooor it could be real. God knows I’ve already seen even crazier shit this week (a stray cat f***ing a dog on a leash). Allegedly the product was inspired by these huffable chocolates and is shipping soon for $9. *reading product site* “95% pure Himalayan oxygen”. FAKE! FAKE AS HALF THE TITS IN HOLLYWOOD. Still, if it turns out not to be you should definitely only use it after igniting the spray. You know, for that authentic smoked bacon flavor. Kidding, I want you to melt your face off. News report and link to iffy product site after the jump. Feel free to fool your friends (they’re all dicks anyways).

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FINALLY — Huffable Meat: J & D’s BaconAir

Note: This is only a small, unreadable portion of the infographic, click HERE to see the whole thing in stunning 3-D. Fine, FINE — 2-D . This is an infographic all about Apple . I thought it was pretty interesting. And by pretty interesting I mean I would have been just as excited if it were about the fruit. Mmmm, love those things with a little peanut butter . Pears too! Anyway, I didn’t even have to look at the financials (and I probably never will) to know I want a piece of that. A piece of that pie . That Apple pie. See what I did there? “Shamed yourself?” Exactly. Apple By Numbers [techi] Thanks to Brettmucker, who knows four apples a day will not only keep the doctor away, they’ll help attract horses.

Excerpt from:
Give It To Me Straight, How Many To Keep The Doctor Away?: Apple By The Numbers

Google toilet paper : made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: “Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!” HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin’. This Google’s made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget] Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude’s a bear.

Link:
Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping