This is a series of oldschool video game favorites re-imagined with Criterion Collection box art and make-believe details. I posted all the box art after the jump, but you can follow the link to read what “extras” would be included with each game in the fake collection because somebody fleshed this shit out waaaaaaaaay too f***ing far. Hit the jump for eleven others, including some Chrono Trigger, Super Mario Kart, Sim City, Super Metroid and Starfox.

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I Approve Of This: Classic Video Games Reimagined With Criterion Collection Box Art

Luxury water shouldn’t exist . As far as I’m concerned, there should only be two grades of water: frugal (that’s brown and might make you sick), and plain. We don’t need anything higher than that besides beer . The luxury bottled water comes in five colors which represent different themes: Red (friendship), Pink (cute), yellow (heartful), green (wish) and lavender (sweet). You can buy all five for $500 or individually at $100 a pop $100/bottle?! You could drink nothing but Magical brand unicorn milk for cheaper! I should know, I’m an authorized dealer. Just sayin’ folks, $79/gallon . Note: GW not responsible for those who claim his unicorn milk is actually spoiled 2%. Those chunks contain the magic! Hello Kitty Luxury Water [kittyhell] Thanks to mud, who, fun fact: is just water and dirt mixed together.

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It’s All I Drink: $100/Bottle Hello Kitty Water

Apparently this Hot Wheels Invisible Jet toy began life as an April Fools’ joke but I don’t remember hearing about it because I don’t even know if I remembered to take my vitamins this morning. At any rate, it became a Comic-Con exclusive and suckers lined up to pay $5 for the empty box (it just looks like there’s a plane inside because of the molded plastic packaging), and now the things are selling like hotcakes on eBay. I swear, people will collect anything . Which reminds me. Hello, Japan? I’m in the market for some — how should I put this — orn-way anties-pay . Huh? Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. WORN PANTIES DAMMIT! YOU’VE GOT EM AND I WANT EM! eBay Listings via Hot Wheels Wonder Woman Invisible Jet Now on eBay [uberreview]

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Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet Toy: All The Rage At Comic-Con, Now On eBay

Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don’t forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you’re out. Our fave classic video game now in edible form! This set of three sweet tins will have ya enjoying Pac-Man’s power pellets, blue raspberry ghost sours and cherry ghost sours. Each keepsake tin is approximately 2.5″ Cool. Weed would look cool in those. I would fill one with weed and another one with booze and then swallow them and try to get on airplane. But then when security tries to stop me I’ll blast off with my jetpack and probably get a JWI because my booze ghost leaked. Pac-Man Candy For a Retro Geeky Sugar Fix [uberreview]

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OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy

Archie, after like a million years of trying to bone both Veronica and Betty , is committing himself to one woman, Veronica. *sniff* Don’t do it bro, don’t do it. Why buy the cow when you can do everything on the farm , know what I’m saying? I’m talking goats AND chickens here, bro. In what’s being billed the “Archie Story of the Century,” perennially indecisive loverboy Archie Andrews has finally chosen the raven-haired Veronica Lodge over sunny girl-next-door Betty Cooper, according to the official Archie Comics website. “Could it be true? Has Archie finally decided to take the plunge and propose to comics’ favourite rich girl? It sure looks that way!” read a note posted online Wednesday. Sure it looks that way, but nothing is what it seems…IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE *dum dum dum — doot doot dum dum dum dum dum!* . The whole fiasco will be spread out over six comics (issues # 600-605) and culminate in Veronica catching Archie and Betty together (in a sexually suggestive situation) the night before their wedding and then locking the two in a hotel room and burning the building to the ground. The last panel will be Veronica giving Jughead a little hand action in the car while a fire engine races past. Archie shocker: Comic book hero picks Veronica [cbanews] Thanks to spiderkitten, who totally agrees I’d make a great comic book writer.

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Archie Is Set To Marry….Veronica (Black Hair)