This a shot of an actual Christmas tree taken by x-ray photographer Nick Veasey. Let’s see here…a pair of shoes, a watch, booze, a wrench set, a camera, perfume and a smartphone. Not a bad haul! Me? I’m hoping for a bunch of airplane bottles and lotto scratchers. You know, that classy shit. Let me down and die, fat man! Hi the jump in case you ever wondered what an x-ray of a present containing high heels looks like. I know I was curious.

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See-Thru Santa: X-Rayed Christmas Tree And Gifts

This is a USS Enterprise USS East Peoria Christmas lights display spotted in East Peoria, Illinois, which is apparently known for its extravagant Christmas lights AND NOTHING ELSE. *Wikipedia-ing to verify* Okay so the Caterpillar Tractor Company does a lot of manufacturing there, that’s something. Oh, and it’s where comedian Sam Kinison was born. Geez, no wonder he was so screamy — I’m from West by God Virgina and I’m full of rage myself. “Rage — or shit .” Both. Jedi Ninjas, Stay Puft Snowman, Where’s the Doctor, Harry Potter VS. Lord of the Rings and MORE [nerdbastards] via USS Enterprise in Christmas Lights [neatorama] Thanks to chichi, who agrees the only Christmas light a person really needs is a warm fireplace and somebody naked to share it with. *disrobing* To the bearskin rug!

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Nog Me Up, Scooty: Enterprise X-Mas Lights Display

This is a series of videos from Christmas lights hanger/Youtuber lacycute20 (aka Bobby, aka nice Youtube handle brobro) of this year’s light shows choreographed to metal songs . Hit the jump for performances by Slayer, Machinehead, Kittie, as well as last year’s (including a Pantera number) in case you missed them. God, it really gets you in the holiday spirit, doesn’t it? No? Well maybe you just need a little Christmas cheer. “You mean the eggnog and brandy you’ve been drinking out of that coffee mug all morning?” I have a nog-mustache, don’t I? Hit the jump and get your holiday headbang on.

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Sleigh-er: Christmas Lights Set To Metal Music

North pole, we have a problem. This is a video of some clumsy-ass Santa impersonator attempting to rappel down to his throne at a Florida mall when his fake beard gets caught on his harness, tearing it and his Santa hat off and ruining Christmas for countless children. All this while the announcer lady tries distracting everyone by singing a horrible rendition of ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’. INTERNET GOLD. About halfway down, “Santa” tore off the beard and attached hat, revealing himself to be a simple helper and not the actual jolly old elf himself. He vigorously bounced up and down trying to work the beard through the tangle, making it safely to the mall floor after a few minutes. Gardens Mall reports that the helper is a professional rope climber who did the stunt for free. He did a run-through without a hitch, but sans beard, mall officials say. He left quickly afterward and wishes to remain anonymous. Ahahahhahahhaha, good luck staying anonymous — YOU’RE F***ING SANTA CLAUS! Man, next year I hope they try shooting him out of a cannon. Hit the jump for the MOMMY…WHY’D HIS BEARD COME OFF? in action.

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Santa Rappels In Mall, Loses Beard, Ruins Christmas

Because LEGO and Christmas go together like stirring peas & corn into instant mashed potatoes (aka shitter’s pie), a 33-ft LEGO Christmas tree was erected in London’s St Pancras (the patron saint of internal organs) station. And this is it. It’s tall and plastic. Me? I’m short and fleshy . Kidding, I’m tall and as handsome as a penis wearing a bow-tie. “And tuxedo?” Okay now you’re just being ridiculous. Hit the jump for a ton more pictures, at least one of which features an annoyed looking girl on a cell phone. It’s like a really shitty Where’s Waldo!

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London’s 33-Foot Tall LEGO Christmas Tree

Etsy seller Bunnywithatoolbelt made this “white and walnut” abstract nativity that reminds me of Danish modern furniture crossed with classic starburst clocks. Nativity Set - white and walnut ( via Making Light )

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Modern-abstract walnut-wood nativity scene

This is the (Abu Dhabi) Emirates Palace hotel’s $11 million Christmas tree. Well, technically the tree only cost $10K, it’s just covered in $11 million of gold and diamond tackery. It’s a marketing effort to drum up interest in the hotel . Right, like I’m rich enough to fly to the UAE and stay in a $400 - $7,000/night hotel. Just sayin’, I had to ask a friend to spot me bus-fare yesterday. Plus I stole two packs of Ramen when he was in the bathroom! The vast majority of the population of the oil-rich UAE are Muslim. But Mr Olbertz said he did not think the tree would offend local sensibilities. “It’s a very liberal country,” he said, according to AFP. Asked what security measures were in place to prevent theft of jewellery from the tree, assistant director of marketing Hazem Harfoush said the tree was “good proof that Abu Dhabi is a safe destination”. And the hotel was even safer, Mr Harfoush told the BBC. “We have 24/7 security, four security guards closely monitoring the space plus security cameras.” “Very liberal country” aside, did that just say FOUR security guards? Can you excuse me for just a sec? *dialing* Hello, Grinch? Tie Max’s antler back on, it’s time to steal another Christmas. UAE hotel boasts ‘most expensive Christmas tree ever’ [bbcnews] Thanks to Liz, who doesn’t like trees and decided to decorate a shrub instead. What the — WHO DOESN’T LIKE TREES?!

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Definitely NOT The True Meaning Of Christmas: Hotel’s $11 Million Tree

Somebody needs to tell that elf airplane glue glows under blacklight. Seen here performing a medley of Christmas classics , the North Point Community Church iBand used nothing but borrowed iPads and iPhones to play what is sure to be remembered as a Santa-slaying setlist this year. The songs actually sound pretty good, but it’s near impossible to get past the “band” members bobbing their heads and dancing around like they’re doing something cool and not just fingering an iPad to make a bell ring. That said, church-band groupies: do they exist? Reaaally? *dusting off hymnal* Hit the jump for 7:00 of “Carol of the Bells”, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Feliz Navidad”.

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Tis Never The Season: Church Band Plays Christmas Classics Entirely On iPads/iPhones

This is a nativity made entirely out of meat . Okay, and some hash browns and pretzel sticks. I particularly love how all the wise men are wearing tin-foil helmets . Star of Bethlehem: miraculous sign or alien spacecraft . Only baby Jesus knows for sure, and he’s not talking . Not to me anyway. I mean seriously, how much praying to win the lottery is too much praying to win the lottery? “At all”? Woopsie daisy. So awesome [sayuncle] Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who tried to cut corners and use animal crackers for all the nativity beasts and ended up burning his house down.

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Mmmmmmm, Wise Men: The Meat Nativity

Why so serious, Luke? Geekologie Reader Dave made these paper snowflakes (Boba Fett & clone trooper version after the jump) with his children to use as Christmas decorations . You can make some yourself if you’d like — you don’t even need kids! But you will need scissors , so don’t run with them. Kidding — I say live a little! Hit the jump for the Boba/clone trooper flake.

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Arts & Crafts: DIY Paper Star Wars Snowflakes