This is a sideways, butt-ass quality video of some bro trying to crush 22 beer cans in a row on his forehead. But not like, one hit and it’s crushed — oh no — this dumb bastard beats himself with them like he’s hammering a f***ing nail in concrete. He does do it though, but not before bloodying his head. It is an absolute MUST WATCH if you’re into bros hurting themselves. I give it 65 out of 200 IQ points. Hit the jump for the sixth year senior in training.

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You’re An Idiot: Dude Smashes 22 Beer Cans On Head

Um, all soda cans are spray cans if you shake them first. Because tilting a can back/not poking your eyes out with a straw takes skill and dexterity that today’s youth are lacking, soda is now available in spray-cans. Think spray-cheese , but then think soda. Then think both of them together day after day and you’ll understand why I look the way I do. *BELCH* It took a team of 40 researchers and developers to come up with this new soda delivery system, which apparently dispenses a product with a texture that’s a cross between a soft drink and Reddi Wip. Yum? To activate Turbo Tango, the packaging instructs users to “Hold upright and squirt in your mouth (and nowhere else).” 40 researchers that should be awfully f***ing ashamed of themselves aside, this shit sounds pretty pukey. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for having things sprayed in my mouth, I just don’t know how I feel about this. Yes, yes I do: sticky. What?! I have bad aim! Soda follows Cheez Whiz into spray cans [dvice] Thanks to The Cook, who makes a mean cheesy-ramen. Get all hopped up on Sunny-D with me on Faceybooks and Tweeter and then we can run around in the woods behind my house and playing commando or whatever

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Shoot It In My Eyes!: Soda, Now In Spray-Cans

Note: Video possibly NSFW on account of gratuitous melon mashing (no, NOT like Gallagher). Although it is just a commercial so it can’t be that bad. This is a 5:00 commercial for a Chinese corset that cinches a woman’s bloobies together with a comical WOOOOOP (but way more laser-y) sound effect. Literally, it’s five-straight minutes of that. Which, depending on how you look at it, is either awesome, or you’re a woman. Allegedly it can smash titties up two whole cup sizes. Impressive! At least until you can’t breathe and pass out. Ooooor poke somebody’s eye out with a nipple. WHICH I’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF! Hit the jump for five-straight minutes of boob-binding WTFery.

Originally posted here:
Chinese Knocker Clamp Corset Commercial

You know what the problem with sandwiches is? They’re too hard to transport. What they need to do is invent specially-sized bags to tote them around in. Oh they’ve got those? WHERE THE F*** HAVE I BEEN?! Anyway, if you’re too lazy to make a sandwich or worry your canned Coke will flatten it in your Alf lunchbox, there’s Candwiches. Canwiches are canned sandwiches (NOT CHEESEBURGERS ) and come in PB&Strawberry J, PB&Grape J, and Barbecued Chicken flavors. I’m gonna get one of each and mush them all together! Then vomit! In related news, a major financier is being sued for fraud after collecting moneys to invest in commercial real-estate loans, only to turn around and invest in Canwiches instead. Can you blame him? These things are gonna explode on the market! Possibly from botulism. In all, Travis L. Wright raised $145 million from 175 investors between 2001 and 2009, according to the suit. He only invested $6 million in the kinds of things he said he would be investing in, the SEC says. Wright also spent $15 million of investors’ money for his own expenses, according to the lawsuit. Among other things, he bought a house formerly owned by an unnamed pro basketball player. And he paved his driveway using cobblestones imported from France. Oh man, wait till those investors get their hands on him. They’re gonna open a Candwich of whoop-ass on that bastard. Possibly even a six-pack. You hear me, Travis? You gonna be eating Candwiches through a straw! Product Site and Sandwich-In-A-Can Financier Sued For Fraud [npr] Thanks to Mike, who’s trying to convince me to invest in his canned mashed potato business. Hmmm, I dunno.

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OM NOM NOM!: Candwich Canned Sanwiches