This is the $34 Mario warp pipe coffee mug from Fangamer , the same company that brought us the Mega Man energy tank coffee mug . It makes a great stocking stuffer. Or, should I say, stocking clogger ? Get it? Because it’s a pipe and sometimes pipes get clogged if you flush too many paper towels and tampons. What? I’M BEING REAL. Plus one time I flushed a pair of underwear because I’d made a mistake in the back and was too embarrassed to have my girlfriend wash them. $140 later the plumber Roto-Rooted them out and showed them to her anyways. CURSE YOU, MARIO! Hit the jump for several more shots, including the mug as a (piranha) planter.

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Warp Me Awake, STAT: The Mario Pipe Coffee Mug

You know what the problem with coffee is? You can’t inject it. Also, apparently some people complain about not being able to smell their coffee while they’re drinking it with a lid, denying them part of the sensory sensation. You know, because taste and smell are connected (I know this because I once put a spaghetti noodle up my nose and it came out my mouth). Coffee from your favorite donut shop has a problem. It doesn’t taste as good as it should because the lid traps in the wonderful aroma. Taste is 95% smell, so you’re really missing out. Mint Urban Technologies has a solution for this sensory shortcoming. It’s designed the Aroma Lid, a new cover that’s infused with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. When you take a sip, you smell and taste a wonderful, full-bodied brew. Neat idea, right? Sure. I’m not sure if the lid changes color too if that was just poor product photography, but who cares — the point is this: anything that makes the urine go down smoother for my coworkers. The Aroma Lid Makes Your Coffee Smell and Taste Great [gizmodo] Thanks to Douglas, who taught me everything I know about being pissive aggressive. See what I did there? Me neither, I think there’s something in my eye.

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Coffee Lids: Now w/ More Fresh Ground Smell

Why it actually needs to grow a sleeve instead of just having one pre-installed is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with NOVELTY. Which, fun fact: rich people will pay for. Also, their pets back if you kidnap them. Anyway, the Heatswell Coffee Cup from Amron Experimental (designers of the Split-Ring-Key , Leather Band-Aids and the Brush & Rinse ). Features: - No sleeves to slide on or fall down - Stacks thin like a coffee cup - Insulates fat like a coffee collar - Hot Beverage activates insulating band - 3D logos pop when hot drinks are poured - Design textures with 0-1 inch swells - Knitted-on cloth towel feel - Saves time by removing a routine step - Save on shipping sleeves separately - Non-toxic and FDA approved - Recyclable and Biodegradable - Insulates with less material - Will not swell at shipping temperatures - Costs less Okay, so maybe there are some advantages. As you can see from the pictures, the sleeve starts off looking pretty normal, then, when a hot beverage (or urine) is added, starts growing AND DOESN’T STOP until it looks like a wrinkled ol’ pair of granny panties. Which — you ever tried that blue dye they use in adult diaper commercials? I went blind in one eye for over 12-hours. LUHJIT! Hit the jump for a video demonstration of the grower not a show-er and a link to the official site where they’ll send you a free sample to amaze your friends.

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Disposable Coffee Cup Grows Its Own Sleeve

Starting May 3rd, Starbucks will offer a 916mL (~31oz) ‘Trenta’ (Italian: stomach ulcer) cup for cold coffee dranks so you can finally score the double-shot of fatass buttcheeks you’ve always wanted. Come on baby, daddy wants to crack a toilet seat! Graphic: How big, exactly, is Starbucks’ new ‘Trenta’ size? [nationalpost] Thanks to Alan, Robo-Arm (I’LL BREAK YOU!) and Max, who was just as surprised as The Superficial Writer they’re not calling it the Britney Spears.

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The Trenta, Starbucks’ New 31-Ounce Cup

So simple, so beautiful, so genius . Say goodbye to crotches full of scalding coffee ! Unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case I would love to pour a fresh pot all over your lap. “GW, you trickster — did you brew this hydrochloric acid?” Guilty as charged! (I think one of your balls just rolled under the desk) Life-Altering Cup Holder of the Day [thedailywh.at] Thanks to Mary, who can carry two coffee cups between her breasts. Coffee AND creamer, I love it!

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Somebody Get Somebody A Design Award: The Future Of Coffee Carrying Technology

Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you’re just reading Geekologie. Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world’s first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we’ve combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won’t find anywhere else. Performance enhancing meat snack . I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed. Product Site Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun . Transform and photosynthesize!

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Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine