Ever wanted to see what it looks like when a shelving unit collapses in a liquor store sending almost 7,000 bottles of adult grape juice crashing to the floor? This. This is what that looks like. Although, if it’d happened anywhere near here, you also would have also seen a guy paddle by in a canoe sucking that shit up with a wet-dry vac. You think I’m too proud to drink out of a vacuum? I’ve eaten out of them before. Hit the jump for the Jesus could’ve done it better.

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7,000 Broken Wine Bottle River In Liquor Store

Finally. God, I couldn’t even tell you how long I’ve been looking for a decent dino skeleton in a tiny bottle. I’m lying, I actually do know how long. It’s been like, the time between when I first got the tip in my inbox and clicked the link. So like, 30-minutes (I made a sandwich in between!). Etsy seller TinyWorldInABottle sells just that, tiny worlds in bottles (but not real ones like that cat that carried a universe around in its collar in Men in Black). Actually, they don’t actually sell worlds, they’re just little scenes. And speaking of little scenes: ACT 1 (Friday, 5:00PM — a disheveled plumper in a dirty kitchen with a bottle of bourbon) GEEKOLOGIE WRITER WOOP WOOP — Friiiiiiiiiiiday! I’mma drink till I pass out. (GW drinks till he passes out, possibly will vomiting to add a sort of ‘Is he gonna survive?’ twist ending) FIN Hit the jump for several closeups (they’d have to be otherwise you can’t see shit!) along with a bottle of seaturtles hatching and another with three dinos. Yow yow!

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Finally, Some Decent Dino Skeletons In Lil’ Jars

Pfft, every bottle opener already has a built-in cap -collector — it’s called the floor . It’s pretty awesome. Plus it never misses unless something like a countertop dives in for the catch, in which case, who gives a shit — you just opened a beer. Chug and repeat! Hit the jump for one of the most erotic infomercials I’ve ever seen.

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The Bottle Opener/Cap Collector ALL IN ONE

Luxury water shouldn’t exist . As far as I’m concerned, there should only be two grades of water: frugal (that’s brown and might make you sick), and plain. We don’t need anything higher than that besides beer . The luxury bottled water comes in five colors which represent different themes: Red (friendship), Pink (cute), yellow (heartful), green (wish) and lavender (sweet). You can buy all five for $500 or individually at $100 a pop $100/bottle?! You could drink nothing but Magical brand unicorn milk for cheaper! I should know, I’m an authorized dealer. Just sayin’ folks, $79/gallon . Note: GW not responsible for those who claim his unicorn milk is actually spoiled 2%. Those chunks contain the magic! Hello Kitty Luxury Water [kittyhell] Thanks to mud, who, fun fact: is just water and dirt mixed together.

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It’s All I Drink: $100/Bottle Hello Kitty Water

The BeerBot Bottle Opening Shirt from ThinkGeek is a $20 tee with incorporated bottle opener . I assume BeerBot is supposed to be a copyright-free version of Bender , but I could be wrong. But you’re so handsome. Am I STILL wrong? Never been wronger, butterface! ThinkGeek Product Site via BeerBot Shirt Gets Your Bottles Open [uberreview] Thanks to sara, who knows the best way to drink beer is straight from the barley’s boobie. Wheat’s teat?

Excerpt from:
I’ll Stab You: BeerBot Bottle Opening Shirt