Note: DD-size version of the map HERE . To compliment the wiener one from last week , this is the world map of average breast cup sizes. Now I know what you’re wondering, “GW — what’s your favorite cup?” Thanks for asking, I’m really into fruit cups. JOKING — pudding all the way, baby! Now — before all you American men start high-fiving and motorboating your monitors, our average is a D because we’re f***ing fat, not because our women have naturally large bazoongas. Shit, even I’m rockin’ B-cups. *squeezing* No, B+ *trying to lick nipple* Interactive Version [targetmap] Thanks to MannaFromKevin, who threatened to tell everyone I wear two sports bras under a t-shirt to make my tits look flatter if I didn’t post this. Whew , can’t have that getting ou– wait a minute.

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The World Map Of Average Breast Cup Size

Note: Video possibly NSFW on account of gratuitous melon mashing (no, NOT like Gallagher). Although it is just a commercial so it can’t be that bad. This is a 5:00 commercial for a Chinese corset that cinches a woman’s bloobies together with a comical WOOOOOP (but way more laser-y) sound effect. Literally, it’s five-straight minutes of that. Which, depending on how you look at it, is either awesome, or you’re a woman. Allegedly it can smash titties up two whole cup sizes. Impressive! At least until you can’t breathe and pass out. Ooooor poke somebody’s eye out with a nipple. WHICH I’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF! Hit the jump for five-straight minutes of boob-binding WTFery.

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Chinese Knocker Clamp Corset Commercial

Note: 5-second video after the jump probably NSFW on account of a bra being clapped off and exposing a pair of pastied titties I had to watch three times to make sure weren’t mine. The clap-off bra : not as cool as an ogle-and-drool-off bra, but this isn’t exactly the future we’re living in either. There’s a link to the rather complicated-looking Instructable showing you how to make your own step-by-step after the jump, or you could, I dunno, LEARN HOW TO UNHOOK A DAMN BRA. Alternatively, only date ladies who don’t wear them. What are they called again? Oh right — dudes. Five seconds of “dammit why didn’t these exist when I was in college?” after the jump.

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The Clap-Off Bra — Clasp On, But Clap Off

Boobs : they make everything better. Moobs: not so much . Still, I would touch one if I had my eyes closed and dude had the decency to shave his nipple hair . What? I’M NATURALLY CURIOUS. Enter the most progressive dentistry practice in the world: Dr. Marie Catherine Klarkowski whose practice is in Munich in southern Germany said that she came up with the idea after watching the way male visitors to the local Oktoberfest enjoyed looking at the traditional low-cut Dirndl dresses. So she ordered for herself and her 10 staff similar frilled blouses in the same style with low cut cleavages and tight bodices that work like a push-up bra. For Dr Klarkowski the investment paid off - she has a third more patients since the change - all of them male. Dr. Klarkowski added: “Competition doesn’t sleep - I know colleagues who have decorated their whole practice with Mickey Mouse and one even in Star Trek style .” Whoa whoa whoa — A STAR TREK DENTIST?! Forget boobs, I want to boldly go where no man has gone before! *hitting nitrous tank* “GW to Moonbase Alpha, come in Moonbase Alpha. There’s a man here with clip-on Vulcan ears trying to disengage my pants’ deflector shield. Do you read me? I’m going to pretend I’m asleep and see where this goes, over.” Dressed to Drill [austriantimes] Thanks to K.T., who doesn’t care just as long as she still gets a sticker and toothbrush after her visit.

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"Dressed To Drill" German Dentists & Nurses Show Off Their Fillings To Distract Patients

Knokkers (slogan: Knokkers are big fun!) is a giant game of pool with no sticks and bowling balls instead of billiard ones . [Insert 10lb balls joke here] It’s the brainchild of Steve Wienecke, who undoubtedly stayed up countless nights trying to think up a better name than Big Balls Bangin’. (I would’ve just run with it, Steve). …the first playable version was built in his backyard in Fredericktown, Missouri using loads of railway ties, gravel and of course concrete. The game is played pretty much exactly like standard 8-ball pool, the only real difference is that before your shot you’re allowed to pick up and move the cue ball, though you can’t move your feet once you’ve touched it. Steve is currently working with investors as they design a portable version of the game that doesn’t require a permanent backyard investment, including more durable 6-pound balls that can stand up to the constant collisions experienced during a regular game. I’m not gonna lie, I’d get drunk and play it. Also, shuffleboard . “Jesus GW, what are you, 80?” No, but I probably have the liver and bladder of one! “OMG, ARE YOU PEEING YOUR PANTS RIGHT NOW?!” I don’t know — am I? Official Site and Facebook Page via Knokkers - Billiards & Bowling, Together At Last! [ohgizmo] Thanks to Stephan, who admits the closest he’s every come to playing with Knokkers is mashing his own moobs together in the mirror. Okay now that’s just f***ing sad.

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Knokkers: Like Pool, But With Bowling Balls

The Top Charming titty jiggler is supposed to grow breasts by vibrating them to stimulate the blood flow or something. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is there’s a 5:00 video after the jump that’s half titty-twitchin’ and half somebody pretending to be a scientist making up a bunch of bullshit about how it actually works. Which, SPOILER: it doesn’t. As a man who tries to play with breasts as much as possible, no amount of shaking will make them grow. Two words: get her pregnant. Kidding, totally not worth it. Hit the jump for 5:12 of boobie-bouncin’ WTFery.

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From B’s To D’s: The Chinese Breast Shaker

Cups, get it? Like bras . Except the booboo looking strippers in the picture actually set beverage cups on the hood (which I wouldn’t stand for). They don’t call me hawk-eyes for nothing you know. Is that a Wendy’s next door? A South Carolina police officer feared his cop car was looking dirty, so he took it to a stripper-sponsored “Tits n Tats” car wash to get his cruiser shined. There are pictures. They ended up on Facebook. He got fired. “I think he took his personal car there first and then he went in his police car,” Caldwell said. “I don’t think he was trying to be malicious. I think he used completely poor judgment.” Haha, he took his personal car and then came back for more in the cruiser. That’s hilarious. I would have just taken my personal car twice. Or — OR — stolen a car . Sure you miss out on the dash-cam footage, but that’s a small price to pay for being able to set it on fire later and blame on a drug cartel. Haha, what do you mean forensics found titty residue on the windshield? *whistling* Do Not Post Pictures of Strippers on the Hood of Your Cop Car on Facebook [gawker] and Geekologie’s Facebook Page (where I will continue to post boozy pics to my heart’s content) Thanks to Jessica, who isn’t one of the girls in the photo and boy is her dad happy about it.

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I Said No Cups On The Car!: Police Officer Takes Patrol Car To Strip Club Car Wash, Pictures Posted On Facebook, Officer Fired

For those of you who haven’t heard because you live under rocks or in the middle of haystacks, Adobe dropped a new version of Photoshop earlier this week. And one of the big features it’s hocking is a new “content-aware” filter that lets you select and delete objects out of a picture, and the program will use the information surrounding the object to effectively fill in the missing data (video demo after the jump). Unfortunately, it didn’t work to remove Olivia Munn’s top. Well, technically it DID, but only if you’re into boobs that look like fleshy pancake batter. Which I’m not (funnel cake titties FTW). Hit the jump for an Adobe employee demonstrating the content aware filter on the world’s most boring picture.

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Curses!: Photoshop’s New Content Aware Filter Is Good, Unfortunately Not That Good

Aside from Geekologie and The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer’s Association , Lazertits might very well be the best site to ever hit the web — and my retinas . HAPPY EYES! For centuries the female bosom has been wrongfully held in the prison of maternal duty and frat boy motor-boating. The time has come to blow the cell doors open for breasts! Howl for hooters! Terrorize for tits! Bomb for boobs! LAZERTITS looks into the past and changes the future one broad at a time. What will YOU say when your kids ask where you were during the revolution? Don’t burn your bra, BLAST IT!!! The site consists entirely of women, with, you guessed it, PEW BOOBS. Unfortunately, because of all the awesomeness the site is probably regarded as NSFW . Actually, it definitely is — I just spotted a woman with a nonfunctional laser vaj on page two. MEDIC! NSFW NSFW Lazertits NSFW NSFW Thanks to Lea C, who is a woman and thus makes my posting this entirely okay. Some would argue even noble.

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Arguably The Best Site On The Internet

Because Japan has infinitely cooler (and 10x perverted ) everything, it was only a matter of time before they beat us to the invention of breasted mouse pads . I don’t know where you get them, and I don’t know why you would get them, all I know is I did get them. Which, fun fact: fondling your mouse pad while talking to coworkers CAN count as sexual harassment. Shocking, I know. (Anybody hiring?) Big Breasted Mousepads [buzzfeed] Thanks to emerica and CEW, who have never been caught in the janitor’s closet with a mouse pad. Yet.

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Keeping It Classy: Large Breasted Mouse Pads