Wait — IT’S 2011?! Thanks bionic contact! Because the University of Washington obviously doesn’t take threats written on bar napkins and addressed to “you Terminator loving pencil-peens” seriously, they’ve decided to proceed with their bionic contact experiments and have successfully applied contact lenses to rabbits that can display one “pixel” worth of information. So basically just a blinking light. But rabbits don’t even know Morse code! In the future, contact lens systems may receive data from external platforms (e.g. mobile phones) and provide real-time notification of important events. As contact lens based biosensors advance, they may alert the wearer of physiological anomalies, such as irregular glucose or lactate levels. With more colors and increased resolution, contact lenses may display text, be used with gaming devices, or offer cues from navigation systems. Our long-term goal is to create a display that can be comfortably worn in the form of a contact lens, which will include a pixel array, focusing optics, an antenna, and circuitry for power harvesting, radio communication, and pixel control. Sure they could do all that, but all they’ll really do is make it even easier for kids to cheat on tests. And — AND — allow hackers to take control of your eyeballs . I can see it now: “p@y M3 $1-Milli0n 0r i’LL bUrn Y0ur F***Ing 3y38@ll5 0U7 0F Y0ur h3@D.” Literally, I SEE that now. Nice try, haxor, but I don’t even have a million dollars! *eyeballs sizzling* EEEEEEEEEEEE!! *running into bank with a grocery bag over my head* In the future, you might read e-mail on digitally enhanced contact lenses [cnn] Thanks to Thaylor and chris, who actually think this is a great idea and regret getting LASIK.

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Contacts That Beam Info Directly Into Your Eyeball

Look down — what do you see? A Cheeto -dusted penis? Wash your hands after snacking. But for those of you looking at a nonfunctional lower half , there’s new hope, all thanks to Rex bionic legs . After seven years of secret development and and $10 million of investment the high-tech unit was unveiled in Auckland today. The unit weighs 38kg and is operated by a joystick. It enables a wheelchair user to stand, walk and go up and down steps and slopes. Director Paul Dyson said the technology was unique and he expected sales to go from single digits per month, to dozens each month next year. the anticipated cost of a Rex unit would be US$150,000 abroad and about $150,000 locally. ”I knew deep down one day I’d stand back up. I’ll never forget what it was like to see my feet walking under me for the first time I used Rex.” *sniff* Heartwarming, isn’t it? It’s almost enough to make me not want to club them out from under the person using them. Almost. THIS IS GONNA HURT ME A LOT MORE THAN IT IS YOU. *thwack!* Oh — no that definitely hurt you more. Hit the jump for a five-minute video of the legs doin’ their thang.

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New Zealand Company’s REX Bionic Legs

Oscar the grouch kitty was sleeping in a field when his back legs got run over by a combine harvester. That story smelling fishy as shit aside, now he has bionic legs. His new kitten heels were designed with custom-made implants, which “peg” the ankle to the foot and mimic the way deer antler bone grows through skin. In a three-hour procedure, the veterinary surgical team inserted the pegs by drilling into one of Oscar’s ankle bones in each of his back legs. The implants, which are attached to the bone at the amputation site, were coated with hydroxyapatite to encourages bone cells to grow onto the metal. Oscar was trying to stand a day after the surgery and, despite some problems with infection, he was able to bear weight equally on all four limbs within four months. Fitzpatrick said the patient had made a remarkable recovery. “Oscar can now run and jump about as cats do,” he said. Heartwarming, isn’t it? Also kind of gross. But mostly heartwarming. I swear, medicine’s sure come a long way, hasn’t it? Reminds me of the time my little sister broke her arm. We had to put her down . Video report with bionic-foot footage after the jump.

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Your Kneading Feels Different: A Bionic Kitty

Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn’t care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone . And by texted I mean sexted . All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I’d jump off a bridge! Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom. The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves. These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket. “They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn’t bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle.” Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that’s a tough call. I’d probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you’re my ex-wife, in which case it totally is. Man uses remote to control his ‘bionic bottom’ [telegraph] Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.

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The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass