These are a bunch of brand slogans that, when presented on condom wrappers (not unlike the ones I find all over the sidewalk when I’m walking the dogs) suddenly become double entendres . Magical, I know. Inevitable follow-ups: Pork. The Other White Meat. — National Pork Board You’re in good hands with Allstate (but why am I wearing a condom?). — Allstate Taking Care of Business. — Office Depot When it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight (even though you wish you could ask them to leave). — Fed Ex So easy a caveman can do it. (God, and they do too — probably more than anyone else EXCEPT THEY NEVER WRAP IT UP) — GEICO I’m lovin’ it. — McDonald’s M’m! M’m! Good! — Campbell’s Soup It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. — Perdue Farms It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. — Timex Home of the Whopper. — Burger King Connecting People. — Nokia Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. — Almond Joy/Mounds Give me a break, give me a break; break me off a piece of that penis — Kit Kat I’m just gonna stop there — nothing else I’ll think of is gonna top those last two. Besides, even doing that made me feel kinda dirty — like one of those people that repeatedly posts #Movietitlesthatsoundlikepornos or #terriblenamesforyourpenis for hours on end on Twitter. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT NO DAMN LIFE, BRO — go crash a BBQ or something, shit! New Condoms Tumblr via Safe Sex Done Your Way: Wrap Your Dong in BK, XBOX, or KFC Condom? [obviouswinner] (also, “wrap your dong” FTW)

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Oh, Real Mature!: Branded Condom Slogans

In case you haven’t seen it splattered all over the news because you don’t believe mainstream media ( and you shouldn’t ), here’s one of the rescue capsules that’s currently being used to pull the 33 trapped Chilean miners from the darkness almost 1/2 mile below. Did I mention it’s only 21.25 inches in diameter? Because it is. Now I know what you’re thinking, “OMG, they’d have to leave me down there!” I’m afraid so. This Is the Coffin That Will Save the Miners [gizmodo] Thanks to ACORNSTU, who would have dug his own tunnel to the surface because he was raised by mole-people. Oooh oooh — let’s burrow to China!

Link:
Cramped: The Chilean Mine Rescue Capsule

Readers, I though I’d take a second out of my busy schedule laying in bed to wish you all a happy and safe fourth of July. So get out there and grill something or whatever the hell people do to celebrate. And before you goobers begin the America trolling, remember: some countries don’t even have fireworks. Have a great fourth everybody and I’ll be back tomorrow. Possibly from the hospital! Be safe (you only get 10 fingers), The Geekologie Writer

Originally posted here:
Yay, Independence: Happy Fourth Of July!